Togganetted!

Easington United – Back from the brink

The following article is my first to be published on Togganet ("the No.1 Resource for Amateur Football In Yorkshire")...

 

Gavin Thurkettle scores the fifth goal in the 9-1 win over Welbeck
(Craig Stephenson)

 

On Saturday October 5, 2013 Easington United hammered Welbeck Welfare 9-1 at home. It was their first win of the season in the Black Dragon North Division of the Windsor Foodservice Central Midlands League. 

Sam Huteson was the star of the show. The young winger scored a hat-trick and claimed three assists as ‘The Eastenders’ put daylight between themselves and the bottom club. 

While the victory was certainly enjoyable, more importantly it provided vindication – if any were required – of the club’s decision not to pull the plug on its CML membership; something that had appeared a distinct possibility as recently as August. 

Had they done so, they would have followed the likes of Hutton Cranswick United and, further back, Kingston Amateurs as teams from the East Riding of Yorkshire who found the move from grassroots local to regional football a step too far. And many would have said, “I told you so”. 

The Easington I am referring to (there are, to my knowledge, at least four in England) is a small village on the Yorkshire coast, situated some six miles north of Spurn Point at the mouth of the Humber Estuary. To the outside world, it is probably known for little except its historic Tithe Barn and the nearby Gassco, Perenco and Centrica terminals, through which roughly a fifth of the country’s gas is piped ashore. 

Easington is located in an area known locally as the “east end of Holderness”, hence the club’s nickname which was formally adopted to mark their 50th anniversary in 1997. 

Formed in 1947 as Easington AFC & CC, the football and cricket sections went their separate ways eleven years later. The moniker “United”, which had been used from the start in reports to encompass the surrounding villages from which players were drawn, was now formally adopted. 

Following a brief period in the now-defunct South Holderness League, the club spent the majority of its existence in the lower reaches of the East Riding County League where it is still represented today by its second and third teams. 

Under manager Mike Wilson (a near legendary character in these parts) the club embarked on a swift rise up the league, beginning with the Division 3 title in 1990/91. 

The Eastenders were beaten finalists in both the League Cup and South Holderness Cup that same season, an achievement made all the more remarkable by the tragic death in March 1991 of the then record goal scorer Melvin Douglas.

 

ERCFA Intermediate Cup winners 1998/99 (Colin Brammer)

Further promotions followed, culminating in United reaching the Premier Division for the first time in 1998/99. The same season saw the club achieve its first ever East Riding County FA Cup success, courtesy of a thumping 5-0 win over AFC Darleys in the Intermediate Cup Final, played at Hall Road Rangers’ Dene Park ground. 

As members of the East Riding County League Premier Division the club was invited to become founder members of the FA’s new Supply League for the area, the Humber Premier League, for 2000/01. 

Initial problems with facilities at their Low Farm ground threatened to derail the Eastenders’ hopes but these were overcome thanks to a short-term move to Humbleton. Their efforts in overcoming these problems were rewarded when the club was invited to play in the League’s inaugural match, against Hall Road Rangers Reserves on August 16 in front of 320 spectators. 

The club returned to Low Farm in 2002 and the following season proved the most successful yet. Having stepped up to succeed the retiring Wilson during the summer, new manager Sean McLaughlin steered United to second spot in the Humber Premier League and success in the League Cup, the South Holderness Cup and the Dave Iley Memorial Trophy.

 

Humber Premier League Cup winners 2003/04 (Bridlington Town)

 

Easington United were no longer anyone’s “whipping boys” and were becoming a real force in local football. 

Frustrated by what they saw as the League’s lack of off-the-field progress, in 2009 the club successfully applied to join the Central Midlands League. They followed fellow East Riding clubs Westella & Willerby and Hutton Cranswick United, who had made the same move the previous year. 

In their maiden campaign Easington narrowly missed out on promotion from the Premier Division. However, a disappointing second season and subsequent league reorganisation on regional lines has since seen the club struggle. 

Successive final placings of 10th and 11th in the North Division led many to question the feasibility of remaining in the competition, especially as the HPL could now offer the same Step 7 status and was geographically more suitable. This came to a head in the summer when poor attendance at pre-season training and weak squads fielded in the opening friendly fixtures prompted the Management Committee to state its intention to resign from the competition with immediate effect. 

As a lifelong resident of the village and someone who has been involved with the club since the mid-Eighties this came as a major blow. 

 



The author celebrates a goal in last season’s stunning comeback at home to Harworth

(Burt Graham)

 

Over the years Easington United has become known as a club that is keen to progress and has often overcome adversity in order to do so. Never boasting a glut of technically accomplished players (although that 2003/04 side came pretty close) the club has always attracted the “muck or nettles” brigade, willing to make-up for any shortcomings in ability with big hearts and a never-say-die attitude. In August 2013 it was finally accepted that this alone may not be enough to see us through. The following options were therefore put before the members. 

One was that we promote the bulk of last season’s Reserves into the senior squad and continue in the CML; as “sink or swim” as you can get. 

The other was that we could withdraw from the Central Midlands League and field our first team in the Premier Division of the East Riding County League. This would effectively mean taking the place of the Reserves who had clinched promotion last spring and also signal the end of the Casuals (third team) with the Reserves dropping to Division 4. 

Neither proposal appeared that attractive and even talk of a possible last-minute possibility of returning to the HPL, thus maintaining our Step 7 status, failed to lighten the mood. 

In the event it was mainly the efforts of one man that ensured neither of the above options had to be taken. Andy Graham, our player/asst-mgr, was determined not to let “years of hard work” go to waste. 

After conversation with him – and with just eight days to go before we were due to open the season at home to Thorne Colliery – I contacted the league and managed to secure a three-week deferment, meaning we would now start the season at ClayCrossTown on August 31. 

I haven’t seen Andy’s phone bill for that period in early August but I can hazard a guess at it. I’m just thankful it all proved worthwhile. 

Not that there weren’t still doubters even as the new start date loomed large, among them me and team manager McLaughlin. The latter, a Teessider who married and settled in the area after initially coming here to work, had returned to the post of manager following the resignation of Dave Mackay-Dundas in the summer of 2012. 

McLaughlin, known as “Sumo” for what should be obvious reasons, had been encouraged by a decent finish to the 2012/13 campaign.

 

Manager Sean ‘Sumo’ McLaughlin and assistant Andy Graham (Craig Stephenson)

 

But he took the slow start to pre-season personally. With some players jumping ship, others absent and several anticipated signings not materialising “Sumo” simply couldn’t see how the squad at his disposal could compete with the likes of AFC Mansfield. Worse, he predicted nothing short of embarrassment should we even try to do so. 

His view was reinforced when a team cobbled together largely by Graham was swept aside with some ease by HPL side Sculcoates Amateurs in our final pre-season friendly. 

It completed a hat-trick of defeats, in which McLaughlin had at no time been able to select from more than five or six “core” first-teamers. 

However, for Graham (and me) the Sculcoates game had the opposite effect. We agreed that while the result, a 6-2 loss, wasn’t great and that there were certainly shortcomings all across the park, there was nevertheless something in the attitude on show that suggested Graham might be on to something. 

On Tuesday, August 28 a brief Committee meeting granted permission for me to contact the League and confirm our intention to fulfil our league fixtures. “Andy Power” had won the day.

The following Saturday we boarded the “Pistol Pete Express” (the 17-seater LDV minibus that has served as our regular away match vehicle since entering the league) and headed to Derbyshire, with a squad including a sprinkling of fresh-faced youngsters new to this level of football.

From a personal point of view, we couldn’t have wished for better opponents following such a traumatic summer. ClayCrossTown are rightly considered one of the friendliest clubs in the CML and those associated with them appeared genuinely delighted that we’d overcome our problems.

 

Half-time during the season’s belated opener at Clay Cross Town (Richard Lusmore)

 

Their Mill Lane ground also offers a pleasant introduction to Step 7 football – as does the post-match Woodthorpe Inn with its fine selection of cask ales (but that’s for another post). 

Although beaten 2-0, there was enough in the United performance to suggest our decision to continue was fully justified. Another defeat, a home to Phoenix, was accompanied by a similarly encouraging display and when we picked up our first point, away at joint leaders Westella the following Tuesday, there was the sudden realisation that not only could we hold our own this season but we might just be able to surprise a few people. 

The squad was coming together at last and despite sustaining two serious injuries in the 1-1 draw, four days later we still managed to field a team that pushed the aforementioned title favourites AFC Mansfield all the way before succumbing 2-1. 

The downside of such a heartening start – we’d played the top three and the 6th-placed club – became apparent when struggling Glapwell arrived at Low Farm the following week. Perhaps believing that we only had to turn up to claim our first win, a 5-1 reverse soon reminded everyone that no games are a given in this competition. Thankfully, this was taken on board and despite the first genuinely disappointing display of the season at home to Sherwood Colliery a week later, the players showed the necessary determination to fight back from two down to claim a point. 

And so to the Welbeck game when at the seventh time of asking the “Farm Faithful” finally celebrated victory. But it was more than just 3pts, it was hope that a corner has been turned and that when we return to action at home to Thoresby Colliery Welfare this Saturday (Oct 19) it will be as a team now set on securing a final place in the top third of the competition. 

At risk of being accused of getting ahead of myself, it must be said that perennial strugglers Welbeck are hardly the ideal yardstick for the season. Still, such a resounding win combined with the overall performances thus far really does offer hope that the summer of 2013 could yet prove to have been a defining one.   

We’re not ready to join those clubs who tried – and failed – just yet.

 

Blogged off...

It's been a while...

 

It’s been some time since I last felt the urge or indeed had the time to update the blog and for this I can only apologise.  I appreciate that the number of people who’ve actually been affected by this is minimal but I still think the point required recording.

The secret of a good blog is its topicality and unfortunately that’s where I have consistently been found wanting and particularly so over the second half of last season.  Indeed, so far behind had I slipped that I actually contemplated wrapping up altogether. 

To add to my increasing apathy / fustration, there wasn't that much stuff coming out of Low Farm from March to the season’s end that actually merited plenty of words.

At First team level the main talking points surrounded a hectic end to the season, due to a fixture backlog caused by the horrendous weather of winter 2012/13.  This saw us play seven games in 17 days, making a run of one defeat in the last eight games even more creditable.

The defeat came at champions Dronfield Town on the day they clinched the title and I must say it was something of a pleasure to be there...despite the 6-0 scoreline!

The real highlight of the season’s run-in came when Harworth visited the Farm.  Despite both teams playing things down, the game provided our lads with the first real chance to “right” what they saw as the “wrong” of Scrooby Road back in August.

However, with 25mins remaining, any hopes of doing so looked remote as a well-drilled Harworth side led 3-0.  Then came one of those famous Farm fight-backs; goals from Eli, Jordy, Lewis and Andy G in the last minute prompted delirious scenes both on and off the pitch (check out THAT picture!!).

The low point came with concession of double-figures at home to pre-season title favourites AFC Mansfield – one of those occasions when no blog post is necessary.  That said it was funny to see the visitors’ back four slump to their knees when Eli slammed home our spectacular last minute “consolation”.  Something about loss of a clean sheet bonus...

We finished the season with a goal-fest against Bentley Colliery, an 8-3 win ensuring we matched the previous season’s points tally if not the league position. 

The Reserves proved to be the season’s success story.  A third paced finish and a superb run to the final of the East Riding County League Senior Cup constituted an excellent first term in charge for Gav.

I managed to catch snippets - the first half of the win over Molescroft on the pitch across the ditch and most of the narrow win over a spritely North Ferriby United Academy side.  Sadly, I wasn’t able to make it to the spectacular 6-1 drubbing of Premier Division side Park Athletic in the league cup semi-final at Long Riston.  It was the Stiffs’ fourth win over top-flight opponents en route to Queensgate and set them up for a crack at the all-conquering Wawne United Reserves in the final on May 4. 

We hired a coach for the final and a First Team win the previous night at Welbeck ensured there was a buoyant mood among the lads spilling out of The Granby and onto the coach in pursuit of a first ever win in this particular competition.

Several pints of Tetley Cask and Tom Wood Lincoln Gold (both on fine form) had lubricated the vocal chords and despite lowering our standards to smooth-flow John Smiths in plastic glasses in the Queensgate clubhouse, this remained the case as we entered the grandstand.

Of course, the mood of most present had been helped by the dramatic final moments of the Championship season – including the amazing 15-minute wait to see whether Big Nick’s penalty miss against Cardiff would cost Hull City their automatic place in the top flight.  You’d probably have to go back 30 years to find me as supportive of a Leeds United side as I was of the one that managed to do us a favour at Watford!

And so to the day’s main event, which proved almost as dramatic.  Premier Division champions-elect and ERCFA Intermediate Cup holders Wawne underlined their credentials with three unanswered first half goals, leaving us to retire to the clubhouse and top up our plastic glasses.  The second half promised to be a long 45 minutes. 

But then Hutchie almost single-handedly took the game by the scruff of the neck and in the space of twenty glorious minutes we were level.

The banter in the stands did its best to match the on-field entertainment.  It was turning into one of the best sporting days of the year...then Matty Crane curled home a spectacular injury-time free-kick and the cup was Bransholme-bound again.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the remainder of the campaign proved an anti-climax.  With injuries mounting, the Reserves were thankful for the gift of the points from a potentially tricky third v fourth meeting at home to Haltemprice Rangers.  Sadly, a midweek defeat at Walkington had already scuppered hopes of a top two finish.

As for the Casuals, they saw no fewer than four fixtures “conceded” by their opponents, helping them to a creditable 6th placed finish.  I got to see them just twice – a midweek defeat by Leven and a fine win over title hopefuls Newland Young Boys.  

Away from the Farm, I managed to catch a couple of City games en route to promotion.  Unfortunately, the ones I attended were games that will barely warrant a mention when people talk about the campaign as a whole.

That said the defeat by Nottingham Forest on March 16 was at least accompanied by an excellent game and an atmosphere improved considerably by a 3,000-strong travelling contingent.

If the Forest defeat was a disappointing setback, the Friday night bore-draw against already relegated Bristol City was enough to really set nerves jangling – especially when it was followed up by defeat at Barnsley in front of 5,000 expectant travelling Tigers supporters a week later.  The wobble was well and truly on...

Thankfully, the finishing line was crossed – well, stumbled over – at the KC Stadium on Saturday, May 4.  As already mentioned I watched the drama unfold on the big screen in the Bridlington Town clubhouse while preparing to watch our Reserves take on Wawne in the aforementioned County League Cup Final.

On the rugby league front, after my early season witnessing of Rovers’ win over Warrington, my remaining attendance was limited to the Good Friday derby at the KC Stadium and a couple of trips to MS3 Craven Park.

Not surprisingly, the former proved the most enjoyable as a Dobson-less Rovers triumphed 23-10 over an inept looking Hull side.

Delightfully, with Rovers romping the second half we were again treated to the all-too-familiar “KC Walk” of the “Old (Not so) Faithful”.  Thus, as the game moved towards a close large areas of empty seats became apparent, with only those housing the 3,500 Rovers fans in the North Stand remaining full to the hooter along with a good 1,500 or more in the upper West.

Ah, the Brooklyn Beer on tap in the Pave Bar afterwards didn’t half taste sweet that evening!

Unfortunately my two visits to Craven Park proved less successful.  Despite being back in my old home, the East Stand, for the return derby it was the Dullers who enjoyed the bragging rights this time round.  At least we stayed to the end!

The final game of the regular season (Rovers having made it into the play-offs via an eighth placed finish) saw supporters allowed onto the South Stand terrace for a quid, thanks to a tie-up with the Hull Daily Mail.  Well, with the sun shining once again during this seemingly never-ending summer, I wasn’t going to look that particular gift horse in the mouth.

The game should also have provided the last chance to see Michael Dobson in action at the ground he’d called home for the past seven years.  Unfortunately, injury put paid to that and despite a blistering start, a youthful-looking Robins side were beaten by struggling London Broncos.  Not the finish I’d hoped for then...and with the sun blocked by the tree-screen, it was bloody cold on that terrace too!

Away from the sporting front the period since my last post has also seen the Slush Family enjoy its first trips to foreign shores, courtesy of a bracing “Dutch Dash” to Amsterdam via North Sea Ferries in March and a ten-day break in Ibiza’s Port Des Torrents in June.

Even these supposedly family-time forays didn’t prove sport-free.  Our day-long stroll round the city of the famous Ajax club coincided with Holland’s World Cup qualifier against Romania which was taking place at the Amsterdam Arena.  Meanwhile the first part of the return crossing on the Pride of Rotterdam was spent watching England’s potentially damaging draw in Montenegro.

As for Ibiza, despite my best attempts – honestly - I couldn’t quite manage to steer clear of updates on the ICC Champions trophy, Yorkshire’s ongoing attempts to mark their 150th anniversary with a first County Championship since 2001 and England’s disastrous U21 Euros campaign in Israel.

Having said that the regular trips up the West End to watch the sunset from outside the legendary Cafe Del Mar and Mambo’s could pretty much help you take your mind off anything other than simply how good it was to be alive!

So there you have it, a brief summary of what could have been some twenty-odd posts had I had either the time or inclination. 

 

Perhaps I just need my blogging mojo back...

 

 

A sting in the tail

Saturday 9th March

CML North

Thoresby Colliery Welfare 1 Easington United 0

 

Played well, nowt to show for it.  That's what so often happens when you're down on your luck and that was certainly the case on a sodden afternoon in Edwinstowe.

Still, we should be thankful we had a game to watch - Low Farm again fell victim to this horrendous wet winter, ruling out both the Reserves and Casuals fixtures.

And as we drove down a rain-swept M18 I must admit to a few nerves in anticipation of rolling up at the ground only to be greeted by a thumbs down from the men in charge.  I needn't have worried.  Not only was there little evidence of any rain on our arrival in north Nottinghamshire but the playing surface was in superb nick.

Given another raft of shortages, Sumo handed debuts to goalkeeper Ben Broadhead and midfielder Lewis Andrew while also welcoming Chris Frost back into the first team fold.  Ironically, on a day that marked the 21st anniversary of the passing of record goal scorer Melvin douglas, missed chances would again prove our downfall.

Read what I wrote about the game for the website and local press here.

And here's some of Burt's shots from the day, which appeared in the following week's Caught on Camera feature...

 

Smiling in the rain

Smalls' vital block 

That'll be one of the new chaps...

T'other one Ben punches clear

Where's the ball?

In the onion bag that's where!





The Rovers Return

Sunday 3rd March

Super League

Hull Kingston Rovers 26 Warrington Wolves 12

I know, I know, it's been too long.  Nothing I can say can atone for my absence.  I deserted you in your hour(s) of need (i.e. most of last season) and for that I deserve to be horse-whipped and/or force-fed the upcoming DVD of Hull FC's all-conquering 2013 season...ah, perhaps a suspended sentence then?!

Anyway, the main thing dear old East Stand is that I'm back.  In person. Unaccompanied (fickle kids) and ready to celebrate with the boys again.  I can't promise this will suddenly become a regular thing again (just in case Mrs Slush is reading) but I do promise to enjoy it while it lasts.

And this particular Sunday afternoon in East Hull was very, very enjoyable!
Official reports of the game can be found here and here.  As for my personal thoughts on the day - great performance, good atmosphere, excellent company but where was the cockerel?!

 

 

Someone hasn't read the script

Saturday 2nd March

CML North Division

Easington United 2 Phoenix FC 3

With writing as good as this, why watch the game anyway?

A week on from the battling draw against in-form Brodsworth and with the pitch freshly rolled and looking as good as it had in yonks, hopes were high that we could build up a head of steam through March; beginning by picking up 3pts from the visit of Rotherham side Phoenix.  Hmm...
A report of how things went wrong can be found here, along with pictures.
Oh, and for those of you who like these things, here's the programme cover...

And I'll throw in a few action shots as well, courtesy of the "Caught on Camera" feature in the next match programme...

Could this be the last time JC leads us out?

Wilks heads home; 1-0

O'Brien levels from the spot...



...before AG restores our lead

Cue celebrations

2-2 but how did that go in?

 

 

 

Late, late drama! Frosty & Robbie denied



Thanks to The Ryvita Man and Shotgun Burt for the photos.

 

Anyone for a cuppa?

Saturday 23rd February

CML North Division

Easington United 2 Brodsworth Welfare 2

"One or two lumps?"

Low Farm's first CML game since 24th November was always likely to throw up several challenges.  The ravages of the winter, which had seen the main pitch stage just two games of any type in the intervening period, meant this was never going to be a surface for "total football".  The visit of Brodsworth - one of the form teams in the league - presented its own difficulties for a home side still reeling from a collapse at Ollerton Town seven days previous.  And finally, with Club Secretary (and regular char lady) Judy away in Spain for a month, Tea Hut duties were going to fall to someone else.

Now it's well known that Chairman Doug and Vice Chair Mickey Bo' are willing to turn their hands to most things but even they would be sorely tested this particular afternoon - and that was with only 27 spectators in attendance.
They weren't the only ones.  Without thinking things through, I'd offered to do the first stint from half-twelve, which would cover the arrival of the match officials and the visiting club.  With Brodsworth having already informed me they would have no accompanying committee members save for manager and assistant, I foresaw no problems.  How wrong could I be?

Usually Judy prepares a decent buffet for match officials and visiting entourage alike.  today they had to make do with a few biscuits and cake offerings, bought as almost an after-thought that morning.  Thankfully, the lack of numbers meant we got away with this.
What I wasn't prepared for was the onslaught at the serving hatch the moment the Brodsworth minibus pulled into Low Farm.  Poor old Shotgum Burt and me were made to feel like Stanley Baker and Michael Caine with our visitors from South UYorkshire playing the part of the Zulu hordes.
It's fair to say, the arrival - later than anticipated of Messrs Clubley and Wilson - was akin to the Relief of Mafeking as far as I was concerned.
The way our season has been going it would be tempting to point to this pre-match entertainment as being more interesting than the game itself.  However, this was a home performance that the lads could take plenty of positives from, as can be seen - along with pics - in the "official" match report.
Obviously, our visitors' take on proceedings was slightly different, although remaining pretty fair on the whole.

Sharp Frost on a cold afternoon

The return of Frosty from self-imposed First Team exile played a huge part in our picking up a moral-boosting point.  His pace and quality of finishing have been assets sadly lacking from our line-up since September.
But it wasn't just the returning frontman.  There was a steely resolve about the side, the type of which has also been absent far too often this season - not least at Ollerton last time out.  The question now was would it last to the end of the season?
  

 

Switch on

Ceding home advantage in our protracted CML cup tie has not met with universal approval but needs must I'm afraid...

As I was getting ready for work the other morning, Mrs Slush decided to regale me with tales of her dream the previous night.  This involved her being part of Tyrone Dobbs' ongoing abduction of his own baby on Corrie.  I chuckled at yet another night in which my good lady's sleep has taken her off into TV celeb land.

Previous dreams have included cameo appearances by Ant & Dec, Will Young and Corrie corner shop owner Dev.  I know, I know, it's a good job one of us remains wedded to the real world.

"Anyway", she said, "You needn't laugh.  What about that dream you had that Kym Marsh (Corrie's Michelle Conner) was your new boss at work?"  Ah! 

So why, exactly, am I sharing these intricate details of the Slush Family master bedroom with you the dear reader?  Well, because at the moment they bear about as much relation to the real world as do our hopes of ever staging another game at Low Farm. 

 

Last weekend was the third in a row that I'd found myself standing on the once hallowed turf, looking with resignation at another unplayable pitch and wondering just when our protracted second round CML Cup tie against Belper United would finally get played.

As it happens, the game is actually underway as I type this very post.  Only it's occurring over a hundred miles away in deepest Derbyshire, after our Committee reluctantly agreed to cede home advantage.

Perhaps unsurprisingly it's a decision that has met with a little criticism.  Given our respective league positions - us in the lower reaches of the North Division and opponents Belper United currently sitting atop the South - many people have pointed out that we've given up our best chance of causing an upset.  Possibly so. 
By switching venues, we have also denied all but the hardiest of our supporters the chance to see the game.  True. 
And by embarking on our longest trip of the season while still being officially the "home" club in the tie, we have also burdened ourselves with ridiculous costs.  I can't deny that possibility.
So why have we done it?
Well, the overriding factor is time.  Already, we do not have enough Saturdays left in the season to complete our full quota of outstanding league fixtures let alone extra games in the cup.  Without lights and being so far removed geographically from the rest of the league, this presents massive problems.
The League Cup is already at the 4th round stage, following a full quota of scheduled 3rd round ties being played last Saturday.  Given our probable inability to stage another game at Low Farm until late February / early March, this presents the competition with a big hurdle to overcome - the date and venue for the final are already set in stone.
In addition, despite extensive enquiries, we simply could not find another pitch locally on which to get the game played.
And finally, we were also quite confident that had we offered the players the only alternative today (i.e. another postponement) they would rather be making their longest trip of the season in order to kick a ball about for only the second time since 1st December.  And I say this despite just learning the lads are three down at half-time.  Ouch!

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a pitch to inspect... 

 



Hope lost, point gained

Saturday 12th January

CML North Division

Sherwood Colliery 1 Easington United 1

 

I've often thought that away days on the Pistol Pete Express fall somewhere between 'The InBetweeners', 'Waiting For God' and the latest ITV "laddish" offering, 'Great Night Out'.  And on Saturday evening, as I sat with the aforementioned Pistol and Shotgun Burt watching a young lady inadvertently exposing her virtue to all and sundry on a main road in Holderness, such views were very much reinforced.

Such titillation provided a fitting end to another fine day out aboard the "PPE" - a rare treat for me this season.  Admittedly, it did lack several ingredients that formed the staple diet of such jaunts in the past: namely, Mozzer rubbing his tackle along the inside of the windows as well as exposing himself in Service Station toilets and a pantomime villain to rip the shit out of...Charlie.  In addition, even The Pistol seems to have reined himself in a touch these days - well he's given up on the "ten times round the roundabout" party piece at any rate. 
These minor disappointments aside, there was still the by now traditional mixture of high drama and low-grade humour that has become the norm when travelling away with this particular brand of "Eastenders"...

Gaffer in pink, Gaffer's eldest in camp pose - is there something we should know?

Our first ever trip to Sherwood Colliery was something of a hastily arranged affair.  It came on the back of our cup postponement the week before and several draws in the ties that were played; the need for replays causing some tinkering with the fixture list.  Hence instead of a visit to Welbeck Welfare's brand new home as originally planned, we were heading for Debdale Park, home of "The Wood".

In time-honoured manner the day began with a drop-out (Brettles having "woken up feeling ill") and continued with the usual mix of timing issues ("I was told half-past") and Shotgun Burt's sexual anecdotes, which were helped on this occasion by a hip flask of Jura single malt.
Hip flasks appeared to be the order of the day in the "Waiting For God" seats at the front and mine (sloe gin) was almost downed in one to aid recovery from shock halfway down the M1 - moments after a bright red VW Golf had come spinning across our path before settling on the grass embankment just north of Junction 29.  For once The Pistol was entirely blameless.
We had a decent run down only to then be thwarted in our attempts to find the venue due to a lack of signage - a point that affable Wood secretary Phil Kirkland later assured us is currently being addressed.
First impressions of Debdale Park were good.  A smart looking clubhouse and changing room complex lead out to a cricket pitch, bordered by those used for mini-soccer, and up towards a couple of full-size pitches, one of which was playing host to a local junior game.

Eastender Westoby aka 'Debut Dave'

Having searched the club website in vain for any "history" of the club as such, I eventually found the following via their Facebook page: "Sherwood Colliery FC were formed in 2008 at the request of Debdale Park Sports and Recreation Club".  I know, concise isn't it.

What I also know, from the well laid-out match programme and the aforementioned Mr Kirkland is that the club takes its name from the former colliery and were previously members of the Midland Amateur Alliance wherein they were crowned Division 1 champions in 2010/11.
The club recruits its players locally and have enjoyed their first season in the CML despite it proving a struggle.  They came into this game lying third-bottom from an impressive 21 games played (compared to our 14).  Just four wins have been claimed all season, a double over bottom club Welbeck and victories against Brodsworth and Thoresby, with the point gained in a 4-4 draw against the latter in the return fixture constituting the only other point gained thus far.
Unfortunately for Sherwood, their local rivals just happen to be the division's "big time Charlies", AFC Mansfield, and the first "derby" ended in a painful 9-0 defeat at Forest Town Welfare Ground.  
Still, the Debdale Park side have scored 44 goals in the league this season, more than any other team outside the top six, so we weren't going to take anything for granted.

Thommo to make it one-nil

Sumo's first line-up of 2013 included debutant Dave Westoby (following a Yuletide switch from Withernsea) and a "coming out of retirement" for Craig Smalley, in for his 275th Eastenders first team appearance after having "trained the house down" on Wednesday.  Apparently.  Absent was the still injured Jimmy D, newly injured Wilky Woo, the working Willo and Westoby's fellow new arrival Billy Melton who's out on the piste.

In addition to coming out of retirement in order to board the "PPE", the aforementioned "Smalls" created another "first" by bringing his homework with him - in this case a crate full of exercise books that required marking.  Yes sir!
There was also a surprise return to the line-up for the manager's eldest son, Tom (the recent lay-off having allowed him to sort a few things out) while Darren Thompson got the nod to replace the injured Wilks up top as Sumo retained his 4-2-3-1 formation.  Assistant AG and James Hope (young Hoppie) occupied the bench...well, at least for the first half!
Conditions were near perfect as I joined The Pistol and Shotgun Burt in the small covered stand on the near side of the main pitch.  Among the twenty-odd other souls present was a small but entertaining group of Groundhoppers from London.
As always you can check out our club website for a detailed-ish recording of the actual game (plus The Shotgun's full collection of snaps).  Suffice to say here that having taken the lead for the first time since late October, it was disappointing not to come away with all 3pts.  That said, Triston Burrell should have ensured we returned home empty-handed. 
The main talking point of the game, however, came off the field of play.  This was the "disappearance" of sub Hoppie.  Apparently, having been told by AG to get warmed ready for an early entry after the break, the lad instead got change and joined his dad for a car-bound dash back up to Hull and the Tigers' early evening televised clash with Sheffield Wednesday.  It's safe to say I was left pretty staggered by his actions.  Still, it certainly gave the nearby ground-hopper gang something to write in their books!

Jamie sees another 'win bonus' go begging

Overall, a point was about a fair result from a scrappy if still entertaining affair between noth sides showing the effects of recent inactivity.

There certainly won't have been much to worry the lad who asked me if Low Farm can accommodate a "full-sized bus...or two" ahead of his team's visit in a couple of weeks.  He was obviously from AFC Mansfield.
Afterwards, it was quite amusing to hear some of the lads cursing our inability to take all 3pts.  Indeed some of them were quite patronising about our hosts and had to be reminded that our current position doesn't allow such loftiness.  We are in a real scrap to move away from the wrong end of the table at the moment - I sometimes think some of our players still believe this is August and we've won three out of three!
Retirement to the 'Wood's impressive clubhouse held the promise of some cask ale courtesy of club sponsors, Greene King IPA.  Sadly it wasn't a great pint.  Pity.  Still, the chips were nice and the scores in the Championship helped put a smile on several of our faces. Hmm.
The enjoyable, alcohol-accompanied and incident-free ride back up to East Yorkshire - which included Debut Dave's intro to the "Thractor Song" - was to be blighted by news of City's horrible display against the Wendies.  In fairness I'd had a bad feeling about this game beforehand, and not just because in the run up to it Steve Bruce had been named December's Manager of the Month. Ah well, everyone's allowed a hiccup - some might say we've been having ours ever since those sunny days of August!

New Year, new...er...start?

Saturday 5th January

CML Challenge Cup Round 2

Easington United v Belper United - match postponed

Having enjoyed my two trips to watch the Tigers over the Festive Break, I was really looking forward to the New Year and the return to local action it would bring.  Oh well.

I should have known things weren’t going to turn out well when Mrs Slush was struck down by a virus that not only consigned her to a party-free New Year’s Eve.  Thus, instead of seeing in 2013 in the company of friends, I greeted it with a single glass of Balvenie Double Wood in front of Jools Holland’s annual Hootenany while from outside came the sounds of fireworks and – somewhat bizarrely – kids playing ‘Hide and Seek’.  I would term it a “low key” celebration.

Up early the following morning allowed me to take in a brisk walk around the village, which in turn helped set me up for my own “festivities” - an afternoon in the Granby, accompanied by the Slushettes.  A very fine pint or four of Tom Woods Lincoln Gold cushioned the blow.
Mrs Slush’s ailments also forced postponement of her impending operation to have her tonsils removed, scheduled for the first Friday of 2013.

Sensing that she was slightly disappointed by this fact – having got herself all psyched up for what isn’t the most pleasant of experiences - I thought it best not to mention that now I was no longer needed to drive to Castle Hill on Saturday afternoon, I could instead be down pitch-side at Low Farm…there’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity.

In the event any smugness I may have felt got its deserved comeuppance.  Having convinced myself on the Friday afternoon that the League Cup tie against Belper United would go ahead as planned, a subsequent inspection by locally-based referee Steve Spruce ruled otherwise.  It was going to be another blank Saturday down on the Farm…