Showing posts with label Hutton Cranswick United. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hutton Cranswick United. Show all posts

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Oh the irony

On the same day that the strength of football in this area was being lauded on local radio, it was confirmed that one of the more progressive grassroots clubs had ceased to exist.  Local football stinks at times...

During last night's live East Riding County FA Cup draws on Radio Humberside's "Sports Talk", presenter Gwilym Lloyd asked ERCFA Chief Executive Adam Lowthorpe whether he had ever known such a breadth of leagues as that in which East Riding clubs are currently involved and, partly on the back of this, the strength of the local game was quite rightly lauded.
However, within a couple of hours there was a reminder to us all just how dangerously misplaced such views can appear, with the news that Hutton Cranswick United Football Club is no more.  
According to an official statement released last night, the Rotsea Lane outfit will resign from the Central Midlands League with immediate effect.
It's a sad end for a club that progressed from the Driffield & District Football League to Step 7 football in the CML in just two decades.
From 'whipping boys' in the inaugural Humber Premier League of 2000/01 they were crowned league champions three season later.  
Frustrated by what they saw as the HPL's lack of progress off-the-field, the club then successfully applied for membership of the CML Premier Division in 2008.
Their approach to the game at Committee and playing level has run very similar to ours and I can only extend sympathy to Jim, Denis and Ollie on this saddest of news.
Unsurprisingly, the reasons cited for the club's demise are mainly financial (including one that also takes a swipe at over-zealous officialdom - a source of much irritation across the board given the fines now imposed for even the most minor of indiscretions).  
Lack of support in the local area has proved a major factor.  Despite a recent showpiece occasion against Hull City in the ERCFA Senior Cup, which managed to pull in a crowd of just under 200 to Rotsea, the wolves weren't kept far from the door for long.  And as Denis explained to me this morning, when the two league games either side of that tie brought in 14 each (with 7 and 6 away fans, from Glapwell and Parkhouse respectively) and the cost of the match officials is over a hundred quid, it doesn't take a genius to work out the difficulties.
That aforementioned Senior Cup tie saw City win 2-0 but had Tigers Head of Youth, Billy Russell singing the praises of their opponents.  Under different circumstances, such good press can kick-start a season.  Instead, just a fortnight later, Cranny struggled to fulfil a game at Thoresby, travelling there with less than a full complement before - in typical fashion - putting on a terrific battling display.  They lost 2-0 having played more than half the game with ten men (goalkeeper Leon Sewell being rather harshly dismissed) and finishing with nine following a second red card.
My league season will not be the same without the trip to Rotsea, where the post-match hospitality was quite rightly lauded as the best in the league and where, whatever the result, the likes of Denis and Jim would always be on hand for a pint and a chat afterwards.
When I express my disappointment at the loss of this club, I speak for many at Low Farm past and present (it was no surprise that both the current and previous First Team bosses were among the first to get in touch to express their sadness at the news).  Not for them or me the "told you so" smugness that may well emanate from certain quarters of the East Riding at what may be seen as another club that got too big for its boots.  Always "better to have tried and (ultimately) failed than never to have tried at all".  And as Denis is keen to point out, it was bloody good while it lasted.

FOOTNOTE: Since posting the above, the following piece with club chairman Jim Ezard appeared on the HDM website.  An interesting read.

Friday, 6 May 2011

Broken Dreams...on Noddle Hill Way

Tuesday 19th April - ER County League President's Trophy Round 4 - Wawne Ferry 2 Easington United Reserves 2 (Wawne won 5-4 on penalties)
Wednesday 20th April - Hutton Cranswick United (away) Lost 1-2

I currently have four books on the go.  In my drawer at work is "The Frontline", which as its sub-title ("Battling For the Boro") would suggest, is the Middlesbrough FC contribution to hooli-lit by John Theone.  It has been loaned me by a workmate who hails from Smoggie Land and it currently helps pass the time at lunch.
Of the remaining trio, two are of the military history genre - Barry Turner's "Suez 1956" and "To The Last Round" by Andrew Salmond.  The latter, which is the story of the "Epic British Stand On The Imjin River" during the Korean War, is a title I've had for some time but only got round to picking up following this piece in the Daily Telegraph.
Completing the quartet and currently occupying pride of place on my bedside is "Broken Dreams".  It's the 2010 debut novel (or "first urban thriller" as stated in the product description) by Hull writer Nick Quantrill.  The author gives a decent introduction to it on this video but I stumbled across him when the Hull Daily Mail ran a piece about a regular feature Nick was planning for this season's Hull KR match programme.  It was from this that I learnt that "Broken Dreams" was a crime thriller set in his home city (winning start) and whose hero, fictional private eye Joe Geraghty, was a one-time player with The Robins (sold!).
How ironic then that having first picked up this tale of Broken Dreams set in some of Hull's more seedier districts, I should find myself on the, er, distinctive setting of Noddle Hill Playing Fields watching our Reserves' own "dreams" of retaining the County League President's Cup "broken" in the cruellest of fashion.

Look at what you could have won...again
The ER County League President's Trophy, or H. E. Dean Cup, is often referred to as the most prestigious piece of silverware in the League's locker.  This is mainly due to the fact that it is the only cup on offer to every member club (although participation is optional).
Therefore, unlike the respective league cup competitions - which are usually split across two divisions (Senior - Premier/Div 1, Junior - Divs 2/3, Harold Robinson - Divs 4/5 etc) the President's Trophy allows an ambitious high-flier from the League's basement chance to have a pop at some of the "big boys".
For the past few years, fixture backlog has prompted the League Committee to move the competition to April/May with ties played in midweek.  To help with the logistics, the competition was split into East & West sections.
And last year we won it!
The memories of that red-hot afternoon at Bridlington Town's Queensgate ground are among some of my finest in over twenty years involvement with The Eastenders.  Particularly as it offered some of the club's "lesser lights" chance to share in the sort of limelight normally reserved for the First Team squad.

It's not Queensgate
The manner of the win was similar to that in the 1999 East Riding County FA Intermediate Cup Final.  On both occasions we'd turned up very much the underdogs, withstood plenty of early pressure, taken the lead slightly against the run of play then gone on to complete a pretty imperious victory.
Two survivors of the 1999 ERCFA Cup win - 'Nige' Rutter and Craig Foster - had shared in last season's League Cup success and were also on duty as the Stiffs faced the toughest test yet of their cup defence, at Premier Division leaders Wawne Ferry.
I almost didn't make the game.  With apathy high on the agenda and many other would-be travellers opting for the following night's CML derby at Hutton Cranswick, I was resigned to following the game by mobile phone...
That is until 'Biff' McNaught came to the rescue.  In truth I'd thought he'd been left out of the squad but on hearing otherwise, arrangements were made and at 5.45pm we met at Ottringham and set off for the delights of Noddle Hill Way.
My chauffeur's late arrival due to "some pigs having come in at just before half-past" lent a slightly surreal air to proceedings and I allowed myself a smile while wondering how many of Wawne's players had ever seen a pig, let alone handle one!
On arrival at the ground, both squads were going through their paces ahead of a game that the hosts and their large home following obviously felt they would win comfortably.  Indeed, given the margin of victory for them in both recent league meetings (5-0 and 6-1) most of the sizeable Holderness contingent also thought the game could turn out to be a touch one-sided!
The early passages of play lent themselves to this view as the United rearguard, marshalled by the aforementioned Rutter, was put under immediate pressure; this despite manager Appleyard having opted for a 4-5-1 formation that was expected to stifle the hosts' creativity from midfield.

Is that a Noddle Hill behind the home "throng"?
However, after surviving the odd scare and a host of needlessly conceded free-kicks, we had the first sniff of goal when Frosty put Thommo through.  He shot straight at goalkeeper Paul Drayton (brother of prolific Sculcoates Amateurs striker Danny).  I looked at Fozzy's dad John - we both wondered whether we'd get another opportunity as good.
Left back Adam Metcalf produced one goal-line block as Wawne got on the front foot.  We'd be happy to get to the break goalless.
But what's this?  We only went and scored.  Fine work by The Stumo, a cross with the outside of his left peg and a neat finish from Frosty.  We led 1-0.
"Get in there!" I shouted - much to the amusement of the home touchline.
The cry was soon to be returned with interest - although not before Frosty should have doubled our lead.  This time it was Adam M and the Stumo combining to set him free but the shot was off target.
You just knew we would pay for that miss.  And we did, the otherwise rock-like Rutter being brushed aside by the powerful home number 9 who fired past Jonny Pindar.  "Get in there!" indeed.
That came on 42 minutes.  Amazingly, though, we were back in front before the break.  Fitzy whipped in a delightful free-kick that Fozzy swept home on the half-volley.  I didn't shout quite so loud this time.

'Biff' smiles at the HT instructions to "Hit it in the corners & pray like f__K!"
When a Wawne forward missed a great chance early in the second half I finally began to believe this might just be our night.  But the pressure eventually told and on 65mins it was 2-2.
All talk along our touchline was of whether we would now be swept aside and possibly embarrassed.  Or could we hit back again?  We should have done.
Three times Frosty got himself into great positions - cutting in to be denied by Drayton on the first, popping the ball up into the keeper's arms when caught in two minds on the second and thwarted by a defender's covering tackle on the third.
Meanwhile, supported well by the promising Jammer at centre-half, the Stiffs were limiting Wawne to few real openings of their own and it was the hosts who were more relieved to hear Referee Sprangle blow for full time.  And penalties.
Easington sides traditionally have good records in penalty shoot-outs.  I should have been confident.  I wasn't.

"What pens are we on Grandad? Don't fancy first one in sudden death..."
Up stepped Gav Thurkettle (included in the fifteen-man squad as sub and on for the hard-working Thommo).  A good striker of a ball...it flew high and wide.  Shit!
Both sides then scored excellent penalties, with Fitzy, Fozzy and Nige maintaining interest at 3-3.  But Wawne had the pen in hand...until Pindar guessed correctly and saved their fourth.
Stumo stepped up to put us in the box seat.  And scored.  4-3.
The final Wawne taker had to score to take it to sudden death.  Oh and for a glorious split-second it appeared he hadn't as the ball pinged againt the underside of the bar in the top corner, bounced bown...and back into the net.
And so to sudden death where, somewhat surprisingly, youngster Luke Nettleship stepped forward for us.  His penalty was saved and the Wawnester after him made no mistake with his.  We'd lost 5-4.  Our reign as East Riding County League President's Trophy winners was over.  For now.
There was little time to dwell on the night's misfortunes.  The following day I jumped in with Shotgun Burt and headed off to Rotsea Lane, home of Hutton Cranswick United...

If it's Wednesday, it must be Rotsea
Conversation en route to Hutton was dominated by speculation surrounding the First Team and any fallout from the "clear the air" session prior to the draw with Phoenix.  Of course we also found room for reminiscing about Shotgun's days on the school buses...but enough of that now.
We arrived at Rotsea Lane in reasonable time and I was pleased to see the full squad there and looking keen.  It's quite ironic that this fixture now constitutes our "local derby" having been one of the longer trips in the old Humber Premier League days.
At least the ill-fitting tag ensured that the lads appeared to have a new-found sense of purpose about them; at least according to Mack that is.  I think several of them still felt they'd let themselves down in our first meeting back in August (I rather fancy that several of them may have let themselves down quite regularly since).

Lino Dave Cupit plays "hide the ball" with the mascot. Oh...
Our association with Hutton Cranswick United is not that old, given that we both came together during the first season of the HPL in 2000/01.  However, it has easily become one of the most amicable and hospitable of any we enjoy.
And sure enough, the usual suspects - Denis, Jim and club secretary Paul - were on hand to ensure we were made to feel very welcome on what was a bright but bitingly cool evening.

The looks on our lads' faces are somehwat worrying in this shot!
The pitch looked in tremendous nick and, after our hosts had enjoyed a promising start, we began to take a grip on proceedings, forcing our hosts on to the back foot.  Indeed, there appeared to be a general consensus from those around the ground that we were a tad unfortunate to not to come off a goal or two to the good at the break.
Set-pieces in particular appeared to cause problems for home keeper Ryan Ramsden, while Andy M - playing against his former team-mates - should perhaps have done better when promising balls came his way.

The net bulges...but not in the way we'd hoped
Frosty forced a good early save out of the keeper and was also unlucky to be denied a penalty when he appeared to be clipped when outstripping the full-back.  Meanwhile, there were 43 minutes on my watch before Hutton Cranswick ("Cranny") had their first meaningful attempt on goal - and it wasn't far off either.
Although enjoying my half-time cuppa in the genial company of the home committee members, I had the nagging feeling that the lack of cutting edge would come back to haunt us.
"You watch, we'll lose this two-nil", I said.
Worryingly, nobody disagreed.

Dodge the ball time!
Joining the sizeable away contingent on the far side for the start of the second half, my sense of foreboding was frowned upon by those aroound me.  And a similarly positive start to the second half managed to persuade me - temporarily at least - that my fears were misplaced.  Then " Cranny scored.
Poor marking at a throw-in was punished when Kris Walmsley was given time and room to slot home.
Suddenly the home side were confident.  They knocked the ball around well, their movement went up a gear.  We were hanging on.  Then it was 2-0.
Fine work down the right from Danny Cousins culminated in a superb cross that one-time Withernsea man Ash Marriott met with a thumping header.  All my half-time predictions were coming true.
Some light relief for our predicament was to be found in the banter between some members of our support (Farny's dad mainly!) and referee's assistant Dave Cupit.  Every "correct" (as we deemed it) raise of the flag for a "Cranny" offside was greeted by compliments and hints that his mark for the night was on the rise.
"If onny you'd given that penalty fost 'arf, thoo'd be on 'undred for toneet!"

Different goalmouth, same result
Jamie Cousins had entered the fray for the first time in several months when replacing Ricky Kemp just prior to the second goal and he began to have a major influence on the game.
Within two minutes of Marriott's goal, we should have replied; JC linking well with Man Mountain but the latter pulled his shot wide when it looked easier to score.
Suddenly, though, we were back in the game. Chav and Man Mountain had switched with Owen beginning to cause havoc down home side's left.  And five minutes after his earlier miss, he capped a flying run with a crisp finish inside Ramsden's left-hand post.  2-1, game back on.

Game on...for now
Gav replaced Andy M and with ten minutes to go looked to have finally netted his 100th First Team goal (and our equaliser) only for a defender to bundle his header from Farny's deep cross off the line.
Then as the gathering gloom threatened to curtail the injury-time prompted by two lengthy stoppages, Man Mountain again burst clear.  But Ramsden came to the rescue.  Close.  But no cigar.  More "broken dreams".
For once there were few recriminations back in the changing room.  We knew our efforts had deserved more and aside from Charlie having his usual thirty-seconds worth of nonsensical ranting - well, he is a goalkeeper - the mood was one of positivity.  We had been beaten but, unlike the game at the Farm, perhaps not by a better team.
Post-match hospitality was to be found at The White Horse, where unfortunately there was to be no Everards Sunchaser as when I'd last visited.  Still, the Deuchars IPA was on sterling form as was the chilli.  Throw in some intelligent post-match conversation and it all added up to a night that whilst not being the most productive, was still among the more enjoyable I've had this season. 

Pics courtesy of Burt Graham and my little 'Point & Press'


Thursday, 2 September 2010

Hucknall high and Low Farm low

Saturday 28th August - AFC Hucknall (away) Won 3-1
Monday 30th August - Hutton Cranswick United (home) Lost 0-2

  "Tell me why I don't like Mondays!"

Nothing should surprise me anymore when watching football.  Especially so when it involves Easington United.  But given the manner in which the lads dug deep to become the first CMFL side this season to beat new boys (and "pantomime villains") AFC Hucknall, even I wasn't prepared for the sorry capitulation to our East Riding rivals Hutton Cranswick two days later.  It was enough to make me wish I'd stayed in Fuller's garage!
Saturday's trip to Watnall Road, home of AFC Hucknall (or Hucknall Town Reserves as I believe almost everybody now knows them to be) was our first league away jaunt of the new season.  As such it was good to see that Pistol Pete was starting as he means to go on...by being late.

Are we at the right ground? Stop it!

Ten minutes past the 11am departure time, the trusty old "Riding School Express" turned up Hull Road and proceeded to trundle towards me with horn blaring and the "Old Gits" (Pistol Pete & Shotgun Burt) a picture of mischief in the front.
Given that I was accompanied by Mrs Slush whilst awaiting the arrival of the charabanc, perhaps, "Eh up, he'll be home by eleven!" wasn't Pete's wisest opening line; especially as the York pre-season trip had previously prompted the question from my beloved of, "Why does a ninety minute football match last nine hours?"
Once aboard the conversation soon plummeted to the depths we became used to last season, courtesy of Pistol Pete's recollections of a somewhat nasty incident involving his cess-pit, mongrel collie and a "bossy" German Shepherd.  Trust me, you don't need to know anymore.
I'll say one thing for our driver though.  We're rarely behind schedule for long and despite a trip to Hull that included late drop-outs, forgotten shinpads and a need to fill the tank, we were accompanying the Doncaster-bound Tiger Nation out of Hull along the A63 just after midday.


Opponents Hucknall have quickly become the most talked about "new" club in the CMFL.  This is probably due to the aforementioned reference to the fact that they are indeed anything but new.  Although the name is AFC Hucknall, the club is to all intents and purposes the reserve side of Evo-Stik (Northern Premier) League side Hucknall Town, a fact that isn't even denied on their club website.
Why this should create such a furore stems from the League rules regarding Reserve team membership i.e. they should compete in the designated Reserve Divisions (Supreme & Premier Reserve) and not alongside supposed "first" teams.
Hucknall's case hasn't been helped by a storming start to the season.  Three wins out of three and seventeen goals therein, including back to back victories of 7-2 against Thorne Colliery away and a fancied South Normanton Athletic side at home in midweek.  It had perhaps gone to some people's heads for in the programme Chairman Daniel Pheasant wrote: "15 points before September is an exciting prospect".  Hmm.

 Nice place

Therefore we travelled very much as underdogs; which is how we like it.  And on arrival at Watnall Road I was glad "The Yellows" are in our league - the chance to play against clubs like this on grounds like this was the main reason for joining the CMFL in the first place.  But I still had a sense of foreboding about the possible result!

Here they come, the next lambs for the slaughter...

This was only temporarily lifted when home keeper Rob Searcey inadvertently palmed Chav's 7th minute corner into his own net to gift us the lead.
And as wave after wave of yellow attacks came forward, my only enjoyment of the game came courtesy of the frustration voiced by a somewhat impatient home crowd as we managed to continually repel all boarders.

Chav informs the home dugout that they've no divine right to score!

That we did was down partly to a resolute defensive quartet (of which central duo Blounty and returning skip AG were prominent) and especially thanks to a superb display by keeper Chaz.
I can remember at least four top drawer saves, with my favourite being the reflex one that thwarted Danwell Francis's 32nd minute volley.
Alongside Chaz, I also thought Smalls did a sterling job in trying to snuff out the threat of highly-rated left winger Terry Hawkridge.  He didn't always succeed but he stuck to his task and it was the Hucknall lad who got frustrated the longer the game went on.
This frustration would've been doubled had Frosty put away a great chance that came his way as part of a rare foray into Hucknall territory.

  And Frost must score...
...but doesn't

The half-time interval allowed me further chance to peruse the (recently passed) plans for Hucknall's new ground - some hundred or so yards up from the current one!  And mighty impressive they are too.  We did ask if the old ground could be dismantled and shipped for use at Low Farm but...

Nice plans

I also enjoyed an informative chat with the new CMFL Chairman, John Edwards, during the break  and was relieved that I was able to do so from a position of some strength on the field (it's always nice to put on a decent show in front of League officialdom!). 
As I ventured out for the second half, one of the locals asked me how much was in the brown envelope we'd obviously passed to the referee.  I didn't bother answering but instead just smiled.  We had rode our luck a little in the first 45 minutes, that much was true, but to lay the blame at the hands of the referee, well...

 "The Thin Blue Line"

The pattern of the game hadn't changed much and soon Chaz was called into action again, making a couple of fine stops to deny Jimmy Pheasant and Sam Sims in quick succession.
But as the home "crowd" (43 head-count) began to get more and more impatient with their team's often patient approach play, the equaliser came just 14 minutes from time; Francis this time making no mistake from six yards out, albeit after our defenders felt Richie Holmes had crossed the ball from beyond the byeline.
While the sense of relief around the ground was palpable, I slumped back in my seat now fearing the worst.  But what's this...

 A nippy little Frost

From the restart JC hit a somwhat ambitious angled pass intended for Frosty to run on to but much too close to left back Terry Henshaw.  However the ex-Burton Albion man steered his intended backpass wide of the onrushing Searcey and Frosty was allowed to run the ball into an empty net.
There would be no stopping us now.  And a third came when Stumo's flick set Frosty free again and he showed great strength before rifling into the top corner.  Burt and I jigged down the touchline - not pretty but quite frankly I didn't give a damn.
Gav almost gave us a fourth to celebrate in injury time when picking up the ball on halfway and advancing Geoff Hurst '66 style down the inside left channel.  Unfortunately his shot was inches too high.
No worries; 3-1 would do nicely.

Oh dear...

As the home management sat their players down in the centre-circle for a mixture of warm-down and inquest, our dressing room echoed to the sounds of "Gimme an 'E' and an 'A' and an 'S' 'I' 'N'..."
We enjoyed the obligatory post-match pint with our genial hosts before stocking up at the local Co-op for a boozy, noisy drive home enriched by Pistol Pete's choice of a more scenic route back.
All-in-all it was a somewhat more pleasant experience than the first away day of the previous season (despite the lack of a decent real ale).  At any rate my thirst for a "proper pint" was sated on return to the Granby where a couple of Great Newsome Ploughman's Pride (4.2%) capped off a superb day.
That was Saturday...
I enjoyed Sunday.
Then came Monday...
If I'm honest my only foreboding on the morning of the Bank Holiday meeting with local rivals (and good friends) Hutton Cranswick United was that the strong winds would spoil a game of football.  It never entered my head that we would fail to build on Saturday's stunning result.


"Cranny" themselves arrived in good spirits following their 2-0 home win over another of this season's newcomers, Nottingham United.  But they were without influential skipper Daz Parker and the reliable Paul Taylor, who injured himself pre-match.  Surely, despite us being without the suspended duo of AG and Frosty, we would have too much for them?

Lights, camera, action

If this sounds a little disrespectful it's certainly not meant to be.  We've enjoyed some titanic struggles with the Rotsea Lane side over the past decade and no game against them is ever easy.  But, given the performance at Hucknall and the confidence and belief that it brought, no team should have been able to touch us on Monday, on our own patch and in front of a decent crowd (84 h/c).
But they did.  And what's more they thoroughly deserved to.

 We should really have scored from this position - we didn't

As Mack would point out to his players afterwards, "What really disappointed me is that a team has come here and wanted it more than we did".  That hurts.
On what became a gloriously sunny afternoon, the game was settled by a goal in each half, from Steve Chapman on 24mins and the outstanding Danny Rookes on 62mins - the latter being celebrated by a triple back-flip of the sort never seen before at The Farm!

 Close...
...Closer...
...and thrice close...
...but no cigar

We huffed and puffed and raised faint hopes of a comeback with a few bits of panic in and around their box but in truth we could still be playing now and Leon Sewell's goal would not be breached.
The disappointment of defeat was reflected in a few choice words among team "mates" afterwards; something I don't mind (as long as it stays within the changing room).  For me it shows that at least the lads care.  They now need to show it again by putting it right at Welbeck this weekend.

 You just know it's one of those days

The "elder statesmen" of the Hutton Cranswick club - Denis Cox and Jim Ezard - have become good friends of the Eastenders over the years and as such a very pleasant post-match session was enjoyed in their company (aided by the Granby's tremendous Pasties and the aforementioned Ploughman's Pride).  It was almost enough to make me forget the disappointment of what had gone before.  Then I got home to write the report, the result sheet...and this!
How quickly fortunes can change in football...

Thanks to Burt for the photos

Sunday, 7 March 2010

It's A Farming Bonanza!

Saturday 6th March - Morning
Hutton Cranswick United (home) Won 3-0

Bonanza at the Farm

At 5.45am the alarm went off. I ignored it. It was getting on for seven before I eventually dragged myself out of bed, leaving barely half-an-hour to make the prearranged rendezvous.
Having briefly checked in with my fellow Committee members, it was into work to fire off another 20 standby programmes – good job they were only “standby” as the copier was well and truly kerfunckenschaften (as I believe they say in Germany). The pink hue of the previous day had now become a serious deposit of magenta (red to you and me), accompanied by equally hideous blotches of cyan (blue to you and me) with the coup de grace being supplied by the various images being “transported” to pages other than those they were intended for. Thank God I hadn’t chosen today to do the full batch!


I was back at Low Farm before eight, just in time to meet “The Cat In The Hat” (at least I think it’s Cat?) CML Registrar and Bonanza co-ordinator, Rob Hornby, who immediately greeted me with, “Hellooo mate, where were you yesterday when all the work was being done?” I resisted the temptation to clock him one.
While sorting out where Rob wished to pitch his plot and that of the Black Dragon Badges brigade, he regaled me with tales of the previous day at Spurn Point and Friday night in The Granby where he’d been until half-one this morning (it later transpired that he'd also managed to wipe out the weekend’s supply of Strongbow in just over six hours – I don’t know where he puts it?)

An Ale Cart

Just after eight the first “Hopper” came through the gate. Apparently hailing from London the gentleman had travelled across from Wales where he’d watched a Friday night match. His plan for the day was to take in our game then head off up to see Scarborough Town of the Wearside League and rejoin the Bonanza Brigade at Louth for the 7pm kick-off…before returning to London in time for work the next day. It was the sort of tale we were to become accustomed to by the end of the day.

Let's Go To The Hop

By half-past-nine our two stalwarts on the gate, Maccer & Threv (over a thousand apps between them) were reporting a steady trade...

"Your name's not down you're not coming in"

Brisk business was also being reported inside the Tombola Tent by Chairman Doug and Biffy (over a thousand apps between them)…

"Can these be consumed on the premises?"

…and on the Hot Food where Jeff, Bill & Sue (sadly no appearances between them) were serving up “bacon butties to die for”...

"Then you put the bacon in...then the tomato..."

The ladies in the Tea Hut were also starting to feel the heat – there had never been as many boilers on the go in there (and I don’t mean Judy, Josie & Maude!). Over the course of the morning some 300 cups of tea and coffee would be served – it took me back to my days as a Civil Servant!
The only place not feeling the squeeze was the car park.  We soon found out why...

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with C..."

“They don’t like paying for parking…”
This was just one of a selection of quotes being constantly fed back by roving photographers/reporters Burt and Andy.  Others included:
“The shirts are going well…”
“We’re nearly out of badges”
“They don’t like paying for parking…”
“They love the bacon butties”
“Ah’ve nivver seen so many beards!”
“Are they allowed on with dogs?”…"What position does it play?”
“They don’t like paying for parking…”

Spot the Steward
"If that dog pisses on my boots..."

In what was becoming something of a surreal atmosphere it was hard trying to keep a tab on the “normal” match day duties, such as welcoming the various officials, sorting out kit & equipment and completing the relevant paperwork. Indeed this last task was given another dimension by having to display team details on the newly situated White Board on the front of the Hospitality Hut. A job that brought me into direct contact with our new-found visitors…
“Can you put first names as well?”
“I’ll start again then…”

We're more used to listing the crowd!

While all this was going on, Mack was busy preparing the lads for what should be remembered was a very important game. Having suffered back-to-back defeats, this “local derby” was a must win fixture if we were to retain our already faint hopes of a promotion place.

What this year's self-respecting Hoppers are wearing

Opponents Hutton Cranswick arrived on the back of a 4-0 thumping at Kiveton Park, a result that left them deep in re-election trouble along with their previous week’s opponents and bottom club Welbeck Welfare.

For some the excitement was simply too much

Formed back in 1990 as junior club, “Cranny” (as they’re referred to locally) have enjoyed a similar path to ourselves over the past two decades. Graduating from the lower levels of their local league (in their case The Driffield & District) they became founder members of the Humber Premier League in 2000/01. Similar to us they endured early struggles therein before tasting success, namely a runners-up spot in 2002/03 before going one better the following season when they pushed us into second place.

Synchronised badge hunting

"Ah, a 1946 Skeffling United...well I never"

During this period we built up excellent relations with the Rotsea Lane outfit and matches between our two clubs became a chance to catch-up with old friends. Today was no different.

Believe me the sight from the front is worse...

...Told you

Our visitors enjoyed their first season in the Central Midlands League in 2008/09 despite a New Year dip in fortunes that effectively ruled them out of the promotion shake-up. The summer then proved difficult with new manager Ollie Ezard having to virtually rebuild the squad following the departure of previous boss Andy Dixon and many frontline players.
After a struggle for much of the current campaign, a recent run of improved results had hinted at a possible move away from the wrong end of the table until last week’s reverse provided another unwelcome jolt.

"Smile, me dad's taking a picture"

As both teams entered the field in front of the biggest crowd they’re likely to see this or any other season, I was curious as to which Hutton Cranswick side had turned up – the one that would be fired up for their “Derby” and desperate to bounce back from the previous week or the one with brittle confidence that would prove vulnerable to the first goal. I didn’t have long to wait for the answer.


The joys of having two cameramen catch the same goal!

Just 9mins in Chav whipped over a free-kick from the right and Mozzer, completely unmarked, had the straightforward task of heading past keeper Leon Sewell from barely six yards out. While our players celebrated, the dejected looks on the faces of the visitors back four told their own story...


Barely another ten minutes had elapsed when Mozzer repaid the compliment by setting up Chav for the second – though it must be said the aforementioned Sewell will be far from happy as he appeared to palm the youngster’s 25-yard shot inside his near post.

"Chav it!"

In the goalkeeper’s defence he came into the game with a hip injury sustained at Kiveton Park, which was further aggravated by Farny’s full-blooded challenge early on.
“He likes to put it about a bit the big number nine. Is he dirty or just ‘whole-hearted’?” asked visitors’ club president Denis Cox.
“He’s just a clumsy bastard” I replied.
“Ah” said Denis…with that knowing look!

A clumsy bastard

Away from those with a partisan interest in affairs on the pitch, there was a strange atmosphere inside the ground, indeed bordering on surreal at times, especially after a goal. Aside from the brief cheer from some thirty or forty of us and the polite applause of perhaps a dozen more, there was almost complete silence. Or, worse, the continuation of conversation by those seemingly completely indifferent to what they were watching.

"Great goal Chav..."

"...Why's nobody cheering?"


And this is where my understanding of what motivates a “Hopper” perhaps falls short. I can see the attraction of wanting to visit grounds of vastly differing standard in far-flung parts of this country and beyond, recording the particulars of each and then exchanging said info with other like-minded souls. That bit I get. But surely an integral part of the day must be the football and, more specifically, an appreciation of the game even if you have no real interest in either of the participating teams? The reaction of some of those around me would suggest not (I realise I now risk a sine die ban from Tony Kempster and all other similar forums for publicly stating such an observation).

"Ooh, come 'ere you b......!"

After 'Man Mountain' had seen another potential chance spin away inside the penalty area, there was a third goal for the crowd to ignore on 33mins. Another fine build-up down the Eastenders’ right culminated in a low cross from Farny that Jamie C controlled before drilling home from twelve yards – although again the keeper may well feel he should have saved it.

Three Nil

And that was it, almost. Mark Frampton had a couple of chances for the visitors either side of the break – one a wasteful free-kick from the edge of the box, the other a cracking strike that pinged against the home bar – while Sewell redeemed himself to some extent with a fine save to deny skipper AG. There was a late penalty shout for the visitors and Mozzer headed wide when it perhaps looked easier to score; otherwise there was little to keep the spectators from revisiting the Hot Food Tent.

"Head like a threepenny bit, Mozzer"

Checking in with photographer Andy he told me a cracking conversation he'd overheard between two Hoppers just before half-time, in which one had suggested to his mate that the teams cross onto the “Pitch across the Ditch” for the second half- that way they could tick another ground off!

Friend of Rob

Early in the second half I’d been handed the official attendance by co-organiser Chris (resplendent in a 2002/03 Eastenders shirt) which I duly recorded on the board. Little did I know what trouble it would cause.
At the time I wrote “209” I thought it seemed about right. From looking around the ground just before kick-off I knew we’d come nowhere near the three-hundred mark that had been an optimistic target. However, bumping into our usual attendance man Mickey Bo set me thinking.
“Official attendance is 209 Bo”
“Never. I’ve already counted 237”
“Well, that’s what I’ve been told”
“’Ere, I’ll count ‘em again then…”
And he did. A few minutes later…
“234…some must be in the toilets now!”
Now this may seem like trivial stuff to the outsider. But given that this was easily the best recorded crowd for a home league game during my time with the club it would be nice to be accurate. I decided to count it myself.

Go on - count them

I’d got 72 on the South Side, 65 along the Farm End and was up to 68 halfway up the Popular Side when I was interrupted by an excited female (which doesn’t often happen these days)…
“I’ve won on the Tombola”
It was the lovely Mrs Slush, accompanied by both Slushettes. I bet they hadn’t been recorded in the official figure!
The Chairman loves that "Kerching!" sound

With the attendance argument left to rumble on, referee Jim Sharp – who can’t have had many easier morning’s work this season – blew for full-time. Three points for us and renewed hope of kicking-on; more worry for Denis and co.

Not the best day these chaps have had

Thankfully, along with Jim, Paul and the rest of the party, Denis had been able to console himself with Judy’s fruit loaf in the Hospitality Hut and by the time I joined up with them in The Neptune, several pints of Worthington Cask had helped put a smile back on his face.
I must admit to surprise at being informed our guests were enjoying the Worthy’s. It’s by no means a popular choice aside from its price. Having said that, the Tetley was also on fine form this particular lunch-time and four or five had been downed by the time our visitors eventually departed. 
As we said our goodbyes I glanced at the clock.  Bloody Hell, it was half-past two, I was supposed to be watching the Casuals this afternoon...

"Is that the Pitch Across The Ditch?"
"No, that's Norway"
(Tony Kempster Forum in-joke)

Thanks to Andy Medcalf & Burt Graham for the photographs
For other far more intelligent reviews of Saturday's 7th Annual CML Bonanza Ground Hop check out Tony Kempster's Non-League site or the following Blog Posts: