Role Reversal

Saturday 3^rd March

CML North Division

Easington United 1 Parkhouse 3

It’s becomingly increasingly difficult to predict any scoreline in the CML North Division on a weekly basis.  Take the game between the division’s whipping boys Welbeck and title-chasing Westella & Willerby, played on the same day as our return meeting with Parkhouse.

According to reports, the hosts had a stand-in keeper and yet another new manager coming into their twentieth league game of the season.  The previous nineteen had all been lost with 96 goals conceded in the process and only 8 scored.  Yet for so long the prospects of a coupon buster were great – Welbeck racing into a two-goal lead.  Of course it couldn’t last, ‘Ella eventually edging home 4-3.  But, once again, it showed just how competitive the division is.  I'll miss it...should we decide to leave.  

That's because it’s similarly hard to predict our results at the moment.  Every weekend can throw up a memorable win (they're almost all that this season!) or another disappointing reversal.  Unfortunately, I somehow knew beforehand that our latest outing would see one of the latter, with Parkhouse gaining ample – and deserved – revenge for our recent win at Mill Lane.  It did.

I’ve lost count of the amount of times Mack, Nicho or I have used our programme pieces to try and highlight just how fine the margins are in our current competition.  The smallest error can prove disastrous in terms of the outcome of a game and this was again shown against Parkhouse.

The bright spot

What made this one worse was that we’d actually been gifted a way back into things once, only to then spurn a similar opportunity second time around.

The first time came when the Parkhouse defence proved as charitable in allowing AG to head home as ours had been moments earlier when Luke Beatson fired the visitors ahead.

Sloppy defending allowed the Derbyshire side to restore their lead early in the second half before we were gifted a route back when referee Duncan Robertson rather generously pointed to the spot for a “foul” on AG.  Unfortunately, Robbie Start’s effort pinged against the bar and the full penalty (sorry!) was imposed by Parkhouse who then sealed a deserved victory with a third goal late on.

Ee, Bar, Gone!

Perhaps it's the fact we're in better company since regionalisation of the league but defeats don't tend to ruin my whole weekend as much as they used to.  And the recovery this particular Sunday was helped by the lovely smell of roast beef I helped prepare for that day's lunch, an old gem from the Beastie Boys on that night's Q The 80s show and the release of the first new single in seven years from those coolest of dancefloor connoisseurs, Saint Etienne.

And I had tickets for City v Leeds on Tuesday...

Coming up...

Sunshine on a cloudy day

Saturday 21^st January

CML North Division

Parkhouse 1 Easington United 3

Being too young to see many of the great Motown acts in their prime, I was once fortunate enough to attend a “Ruffin/Kendricks/Edwards – Former Leads Of The Temptations” concert at Hull City Hall.  How fortunate can be gauged by the fact that on 1 June 1991, shortly after the month-long UK tour, David Ruffin died of a drugs overdose.

One of the highlights of that particular concert was when the aforementioned Mr Ruffin offered a mic to the audience halfway through his classic hit, “My Girl”.  The microphone was taken by one of my companions for the night, Ian “Biz” Beharrell former lead singer with Hull soulsters The Mighty Strike (formerly The Company) and latterly the face of football’s Coca-Cola trailers on Sky.

His rendition of the song was so good that he was not only invited up to perform it live on stage but also asked to join the trio in their limo post-gig where future plans for world domination were hatched.  Sadly, as has happened far too often in Ian’s musical career, circumstances (Ruffin’s death, Kendricks' cancer) dictated that nothing would come of the meeting.

I was reminded of this story on the way back from Clay Cross on Saturday, when newly-acquired goalkeeper Liam Pattison performed his own version of the same song.  Besides endeavouring to keep footballs out of the net, Liam also doubles up as a pub singer under the name of, erm, “Liam Pattison”.  On this evidence it must be said, he’s good…but not THAT good.   

Our keeper’s impromptu set was part of a fairly raucous bus ride home.  And who could blame us for that – this win was a bloody good one.
But I'm getting ahead of myself...

It's a bottle not a mic Patty

The Sunday morning following the Dronfield result wasn’t a great time to be a sports fan in Hull given some of the reading in that day’s papers. 

My twitter feed the night before had carried several links to the depressing lead in The Sunday People, in which City legend Dean Windass confessed to trying to commit suicide.  Meanwhile that bastion of rugby league coverage (ahem!) the Daily Mail carried a story hinting at official cover-ups concerning the recent 'Gleesongate' affair at Hull FC.  At least I could afford a smile at that one – plenty of banter mileage for Rovers fans there!

These stories duly digested, it was up and at 'em with some wag on Radio Humberside’s “Great Outdoors” show suggesting the day was perfect for “staying in the shed and sharpening tools”.  Cuh.  He obviously didn’t have a “pot roast to die for” to prepare, as was my main task with Mrs Slush and the Elder Slushette having headed off to town for some retail therapy.

An away match programme - a rarity this season

A lovely bottle of Cropton Brewery ‘Yorkshire Moors’ helped the culinary operation get into full swing.  Meanwhile, the Younger Slushette’s demands for help with this and assistance with that allowed little or no chance to check on the progress of Craig Sandercock’s new-look Robins side in their first proper “hit out” at home to Wigan.  Apparently only the first half was worth watching anyway?

I did find time, though, to watch the superb BBC documentary, “How The Humber Shaped Our World”.  Telling the story of the area’s fishing heritage and life on the docks, my only complaint was that it should have been at least an hour long

Matthew Rudd’s ‘Q The 80s’ show is a programme I’ve missed out on for far too long, a situation rectified that evening.  And he served up some crackers: Altered Images ‘Happy Birthday’, Spear Of Destiny ‘So In Love With You’, Bow Wow Wow ‘C30, C60, C90 Go’, The Colourfield and Neneh Cherry - eclectic and fantastic!

Cricket was also on the agenda last week in the form of the First Test between Pakistan and England in Dubai.  That would piss Mike off at work, three mornings of listening to Aggers, Sir Geoffrey, Blowers and co harping on.  Unfortunately, thanks to England’s impotence against Ajmal (7-55 and 3-42) and Gul (4-63), three mornings was the maximum amount of coverage any of us got to listen to!
Ah well, it's football you're here for, not creekit...

I'm "Shoulder to Shoulder", just like Rebecca...

Parkhouse Football Club was founded in 1989 from the former Woodthorpe Inn FC.  According to the club website, the title – as with so many other member clubs in the Central Midlands League – had its origins in mining.  It was an acknowledgement “to the former Parkhouse Colliery and the many men that had worked there over the years and who too had a number of successful teams in the forties and early fifties by that name”.

Since 1993, as sole owners of their 3.4-acre Mill Lane site, they’ve developed the venue into one of the most homely grounds I’ve visited.  Combined with the post-match venue, The Woodthorpe Inn, it makes it the first away match I look out for.  And that despite a 7-0 drubbing on our first visit two years earlier!

That defeat marked our first away day experieince in the CML.  For the new lads (with the exception of Shawn), this latest trip into Derbyshire was to be their first with us and, more significantly, their first jaunt aboard The Pistol’s Riding School Express.  I think they enjoyed it.

Given a forecast for high winds (some of which we experienced on the way down, particularly when crossing the Ouse Bridge) and squally showers, we were quite relieved on arrival in Clay Cross.  The wind wasn’t too bad and the skies remained dry.  So far so good.

The appearance of the maroon third strip lifted spirits further and there was a quiet air of confidence around the group.

Good lad Gavin!

Having performed my pre-match duties and met the officials for the necessary paperwork checks, I was invited into the “Bonanza Suite”, Parkhouse’s new hospitality area purchased by use of proceeds from the annual CML Bonanza Ground Hop.  And very smart it is too, the neat décor being accompanied by fine hospitality and some interesting chat with home secretary Dave ‘Nobby’ Clark and Hospitality Host John Gore.  It was much appreciated.

The details of the game can be found on either our or our hosts’ official match reports.  Suffice to say, it was a very pleasant experience standing in the PCS Stand among the majority of the fifty or so regulars (“Come on Parky!”) as we came from a goal down to deservedly win 3-1.

But of course the real highlight of my day was still to come.  The Woodthorpe Inn, Old Tupton usually provides one of the finest ranges of cask ale in the CML.  Sadly, today there appeared to be just the two – Black Sheep and Morland Old Golden Hen.  I chose the latter and jolly quaffable it was too.

Accompanied by some decent nosh and good chin-wag with home manager ‘Murts’, not to mention news of yet another City away win, it put me in excellent spirits for the trip home.  Even Liam’s singing couldn’t dampen then.

Spot-on for three-one

And seeing as I’ve returned to the musical theme, the Thursday prior to the Parkhouse game was East Riding County League Management Committee meeting night.  Not for the first time this involved sitting in the car for the best part of two hours for a meeting that lasted barely half that long.  Such a drive on a quiet evening has its benefits however and the main one this time round was the chance it afforded me to listen to music without other “distractions” (i.e. wife & kids). 

My choice of CD was ‘Heaven’, the debut release by 2010 X-Factor finalist Rebecca Ferguson.  I’d played it just a handful of times since buying it just before Christmas but this was the first time I could really actually listen to it.  And what an absolute gem it is.

As Neil McCormick alluded to in a piece for The Daily Telegraph, perhaps the best thing that happened to the Liverpudlian songstress was NOT beating Matt Cardle in the final of X-Factor.

Freedom of being able to go out and record a collection of self-penned songs in her own style has made for a fantastic debut set.  As much as I’m a fan of Adele and many of her current compatriots, Miss Ferguson is simply THE classiest female vocal talent around at the moment.  Have a listen to the following and tell me different…

Thanks to Burt Graham and Chris Marsh for the photos

Drawing it out

Saturday 22nd January - Parkhouse (Cup Replay, home)

Won 1-0

Saturday 29th January - Thoresby Welfare (away)

Drew 2-2

That's the problem with a mid-season break - it takes you just that little bit longer to get back in the swing.  And so, while I have just about kept on top of things in terms of completing the weekly admin side of this grassroots football malarkey, my ability to post regular blogs on the subject has been significantly lacking.  Not that I suppose you'll have noticed...

Life seemed so much easier when the postponement of games had become so routine that by the Monday I was already finalising alternative plans for the following weekend.  And there was enough "other stuff" going on to help you overcome the lack of Saturday afternoon action; not least of which was England's tremendous march to retention of the Ashes.

Low Farm, oh how I've missed you!

But the snow-covered pitches would appear - for now at least - to have gone the same way as our wins 'Down Under' (this one-day stuff isn't proper creekit anyhow) and my working week has once again become a necessary distraction to the prize that awaits me every Saturday afternoon.

Having returned to action with the frustrating draw at FC 05, described in the previous post, the First Team have played twice more since.  The first of these games saw progress made to the last 16 in the CML Cup, the second saw progress made to matching last season's tag of "draw specialists".

After four failed attempts, our long-awaited Quartet Catering League Challenge Cup first round replay against Parkhouse was finally given the nod on Saturday, 22nd January - some ten weeks after Andy G's late header at Mill Lane had actually earned it!

Although Mack had gone on record as saying that progress in the competition was very much secondary to league success (despite the North/South decision seemingly taking promotion out of the equation) he was still very keen for his players to complete the job begun back in Clay Cross in November.

Visitors Parkhouse were definitely making no secret of their intention to progress; manager Paul Murtagh wrote on the club website that he intended to use the trip to Easington to kick-start his side's hitherto disappointing season.

Prior to kick-off we observed a minute's silence in memory of T. W. Graham, something  we'd kept from Burt and Andy but which, pleasingly, both were very appreciative of.
Hopes of seizing on Parkhouse's current low confidence were raised as early as the seventh minute when a somewhat controversial handball call in the box gave Chav a second chance in as many weeks to convert from twelve yards.  But for the second week in a row he missed.

"Handball"

After this early scare the Derbyshire side came more into things and both teams enjoyed plenty of chances in an entertaining affair.
Parkhouse will no doubt feel they were dealt some rough cards, not least when defender Steff Holland's race into the box was halted abruptly by Chaz just inside the box. right on half-time.  To say the visitors' management were unhappy was an understatement - I thought we were going to have another away dressing room door repair to contend with!

End...

...To...

...End

The second half continued in the same vein until Chav's 73rd minute shot took a deflection from a defender and somehow found its way into the net.
Still, chances came and went at both ends.  Frosty looked to be impeded at a free-kick while Chaz produced two stonking saves to keep Parkhouse out.
After waht seemed like a never-ending period of injury-time, referee Rich Roberts finally blew for full-time and the vast majority of the forty-odd spectators could breathe easily again.

Chav can't have the chance to miss three pens in a row!

The aforementioned "Murts" didn't try to hide his disappointment and frustration afterwards via the Parkhouse website and his own Facebook page.  And I can sympathise to some extent given the amount of possession the visitors had and the chances they spurned - particularly the hapless Adam Smith who experienced one of those days in front of goal.  

But we too passed up several opportunities and the grit and determination on show by the boys just about merited the passage to the last sixteen.  Sorry "Murts"!

The Barnett Clan have again taken the home end!

The week after - and a fortnight on from our trip to Bilsthorpe - we found ourselves making the journey south to the same part of Notts again, this time to  the Edwinstowe ground of Thoresby Colliery Welfare.

Last season's corresponding fixture was played at nearby Clipstone due to cricket commitments at Fourth Avenue.  Hence my keenness to make sure I attended this time around; ground tick!

Thoresby are not dissimilar to us in that they boast a proud history (stretching back to 1930 in their case) and began life "playing on a farmer's field in Edwinstowe".   They also declare themselves "proud of their roots in the local community", they are fellow members of the Club Website family as well as also having their own  Wikipedia page and they boast a Twitter account (@Thoresbycwfc).

Their current ground was created for them by the former Bolsover Coal Company, owners of the Colliery from which the Club takes its name.  Success "at minor level" in the 1950s was followed by promotion to the top level of Nottinghamshire amateur football in the Eighties where they became "nearly men", just missing out on all the major prizes.

After a downturn in fortunes, Thoresby's attempts to turn things round saw them apply for the CML, wherein they were accepted in 2001/02.  Under joint-managership of the affable Lee Tryner and Nick Shaw they're currently enjoying a fine run of form and came into this game on the back of just two defeats in 11 games, included among which was October's dramatic late victory at Low Farm.

While Thommo (left) accepts his fate, AM tries one last attempt to force his way in!

It was only on arrival at Fourth Avenue that we realised the game had ever been in doubt.  Overnight temperatures of -5C had threatened to play havoc with the fixture list; thankfully ours survived.

Our hopes of smooth preperarations were disrupted by a combination of factors including late arrivals and last minute fitness tests.  Oh, and my forgetting the team sheet didn't help!

The fitness test invovled Andy M and eventually meant relegation to the bench for our leading scorer, with Farny taking his place.  Thommo also found himself demoted after a run of games in which he'd struggled to recapture the spark so evident during last season's run-in.  Frosty was the benefactor of that switch...although it might well have been shortlived had the match officials noticed his baring his arse in answer to jibes from the home support during the first few minutes!

The ground at Edwinstowe is on the other side of the cricket square, removed from the pavilion that doubles up as changing rooms.  There is a low brick-built shelter running along the far touchline, flanked at either end by the two dugouts (of which the home one looks far more modern than the visitors'!).

It was from within this shelter that I decided to watch the first 45mins, a period that saw Charlie keep out everything Thoresby could throw his way at one end, while we looked increasingly threatening at the other.

We capped things off with two well-taken first half goals; Chav finishing in style following a neat five-man move and Moz volleying home a Chav corner from close range.

Two up as the HT whistle blew, I joined Pistol Pete, Shotgun Burt and the Barnett Clan for a much-needed half-time cuppa.

Spirits were lifted further by news of a successful game against the Dutch Veterans at Low Farm and an invitation to reciprocate the trip next year!

I opted to stand on the near side touchline for the second half (having conducted a debate as to whether it was colder standing on grass or concrete).  On today's evidence Thoresby  attract similar numbers to ourselves and it was the home contingent who would enjoy the second half more.  

After Chaz had brilliantly kept out Gavin King's second half penalty, he was beaten by Jamie Tryner's fine finish before controversially conceding an equaliser just five minutes from time; the keeper convinced he'd been fouled and that sub Chris Dyson had used a hand when bundling the ball home from a long throw-in.

There was still time for Thommo to almost snatch a dramatic winner but his header came back off the bar and, as referee Scott Mason's whistel confirmed a 2-2 draw (our fourth in a row away from home) it was a subdued Ezzie dressing-room afterwards.

Like the Colliery itself, post-match venue The Thoresby Welfare Club has probably seen better days but the hospitality was good and the locals appeared friendly enough.  I was intrigued to find Greene King IPA and Old Speckled Hen available in smoothflow.  Opting for my favourite of the two, the IPA, I'm afraid  to report it's not a patch on the real thing!

The lads had livened up a little by time we boarded the Riding School Express for the trip home and with the promise of a night on the lash in town for most of them, spirits had lifted even more as the Pistol gave us his usual Magic Roundabout routine on return to Hull.

As I enjoyed a couple of cans of Strongbow, I reflected on what the legendary Mickey Bo would always point out after such games: "You ain't been beat and a point's a point".  Quite.  Next up is Bentley in the cup but before then there's a little trip to the KC in store midweek...

Thanks to Burt for the photographs

Look what you could've had!

Saturday 13th November - Parkhouse (League Cup, away) Drew 2-2
Easington Utd Reserves 5 AFC Woodlands 9
Easington Utd Casuals 0 Long Riston 3rds 7

There's particular cruelty in the fact that the first two CML away matches I have missed this season have both been accompanied by post-match venues selling some of the finest cask ales.  It leads me to think I'm paying for past misdemeanours.

For the Whatton game it was a friend's 40th birthday bash that prevented my attendance.  So what did I do on this latest occasion as an alternative to enjoying the delights of traditional beers in the convivial atmosphere typical of an Easington post-match session?  Well, I witnessed an amazing game at Low Farm that yielded 14 goals.  Not a bad substitute you might think...except that nine of them were in the wrong net!  And when I retired to the Marquis of Granby to soothe my disappointment at the result...there was no cask on.

I'd known for some time that the trip to Parkhouse was a no-go.  It happened to fall on the weekend chosen by  Mrs Slush and a friend for their annual "Abandon The Kids" weekend, otherwise known as a pre-Christmas shopping trip to Sheffield Meadowhall with overnight stay thrown in.
Of course, I didn't know this at the time she chose this particular date, which being back in late-September offered no clues as to our designated opponents.  When asked, "13th or 27th November?", I replied, "Any. The fixtures aren't out yet so I'll just have to sort things out for whichever you choose".  
I wish she'd opted for the 27th! 
It was somewhat cruelly predictable then that the Parkhouse cup-tie, eagerly awaited ever since it was drawn (mainly by me because of what I knew would be on offer afterwards) would be scheduled for the one Saturday in the month I couldn't go.  Bugger! To make matters worse, it turned out to be the only away game originally scheduled for the whole month.  Double Bugger!

Of course it wasn't just the potential beverages on offer that had had me looking forward to the trip to Clay Cross.  The manner of our win over Brimington the previous week had seen us produce - albeit in patches - some of our best football for a long time.  Therefore, I'd been on something of a high afterwards and couldn't wait for the next game to come along. 
It's peculiar how one sporting result can suddenly transform a weekend.  Nothing seems too much of a chore, nobody can rub you up the wrong way and even the blandest television programme can suddenly appear to become hugely entertaining.
Which brings me nicely to the X-Factor.  Having purposely avoided it the previous night (see Brimington blog) I actually made a point of watching the Sunday re-run.  I'd heard from Mrs Slush that highly-rated contestant Matt had done a pretty good version of one of my favourite songs of all time, Roberta Flack's "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face".  Had I watched and listened to it following the recent home defeats by Malet or Thoresby, I'd have undoubtedly been in a mood to argue this point.  As it was, I found it very, very good.  Is my judgement of what counts as quality music waning? Possibly, but we had just won 4-0 at home!  

I'd gone to bed on Sunday a very contented man but over the course of the next few days, the sudden realisation that I was missing a return trip to the CML's Hospitality Award winners of 2009/10 prompted something of a comedown.

And as the week progressed this sombre mood was only accentuated by the annual Remembrance commemorations, rumours of the impending collapse of both the England 2018 World Cup bid and the proposed Hull City takeover deal, the lack of any Orange phone signal in Easington and, of course, the passing of a television legend...

There's a bit of Jack the lad in all of us...isn't there?

For anyone like me who has watched events on "the Nation's favourite street" since the Seventies, Jack Duckworth was the type of character many of us would aspire to.   As  described by Russ Litten in this excellent piece in The Sabotage Times, Jack was "a saucy layabout who got by with minimum effort and maximum style". Who wouldn't want to emulate that?
In typical Coronation Street fashion, his departure was dragged out over a few weeks, with his final moments and subsequent funeral both being enough to bring  tears to the eyes of certain members of the Slush family household (though I'm hoping Mrs Slush didn't notice!).

And the soundtrack to his passing was particularly apt for the one-time would-be club crooner.

Of course Jack's fictional demise was followed by several commemorations of those lives lost in very real circumstances.  It's one of the Royal British Legion's major successes that the actual eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month (i.e. Armistice Day) is now marked as significantly as the more traditional Remembrance Sunday.  Long may this be so.
Amid such melancholy, I was thankful for the Black & Amber charger that is Hull City arriving to the rescue when least expected; courtesy of a morale-reviving draw at "big club" Leeds (a result that included this John Bostock screamer) and a job well done at fellow strugglers Preston.

Sorry, did I say "fellow strugglers"?  The Tigers were only 6pts off the play-offs following goals from Garcia and Barmby at Deepdale and with news of the apparent completion of the Allams' takeover ending the week on a high, the future for the newly-dubbed "Tomb Ar-my" looked a whole lot brighter.

Away from football, the week at work passed by with little of note although the radio still provided several reasons to rant (particularly that Clare Solomon woman who by my reckoning was given far too much air time to spout shite) and rejoice - mainly thanks to Radio Humberside's Armistice Day's Golden Year  part 2, which came from 1986...

Along with the above classic, the November chart of twenty-four years ago also included Madonna's True Blue, The Final Countdown by Europe  and the Top Gun-soundtrack Number One from Berlin.  And thus for half-an-hour I was back to a time when Friday nights began with The Tube and ended with a late night extravaganza called, if my memory serves me correctly, Music Box's Power Hour, on Yorkshire TV.  It was fronted by a very attractive young thing called Amanda Redington and some guy with long, permed hair, Dante perhaps?  If I had the time I'd Google it...

In-between these televisual delights, Friday evenings meant a tour of the rural Holderness pubs, all which served as the Hors d'oeuvre to the following day's main event., which began at  lunchtime in  The Trog Bar on Hull's George Street.  From there it was to The Hull Cheese where a Richardson's cab would arrive just in time to get us to Boothferry Park for ninety minutes of largely uninspiring (old) Second Division football.  At the game's conclusion it was back into town for a half-five start in Star of the West and a subsequent crawl that would usually include Masters Bar, White Horse, Cheese (again), Dram Shop, Trog (again) and Queens (now Pozition Nightclub) for last orders, before completion of the night came at the legendary Spiders Nightclub down Cleveland Street.  Ah, the memories!  Not that Radio Humberside's David Reeves probably had any of this in mind when he chose that afternoon's particular track-listing.  But thanks all the same.

A friendly affair at Mill Lane...

But back to the football where, despite my absence(!?) the lads backed-up their Brimington result with a hard-earned but deserved draw at their Supreme Division hosts in the league cup.

...but a feisty one at The Farm

While Burt and his not-so-steady camera lens were at Clay Cross, capturing as best he could the drama unfolding for the senior squad, I was at Low Farm - armed only with my  equally unsteady Nikon Coolpix...oh, and the Younger Slushette.

The Reserves own league cup tie, at home to Goole side AFC Woodlands, proved to be a  remarkable - and at times feisty - affair.  It started well enough.  Despite fielding a team ravaged by injury, illness and absence, Kev's second-string  racied into a two-goal lead inside twenty minutes, leaving their opponents to turn the air as blue as the sky.

Buoyed by the scoreline but wary of just what my 4-year-old may be picking up in terms of new words to greet her mother with on her return, I crossed over to the Pitch Across The Ditch where, unfortunately, the Casuals - fresh from a shock first league defeat of the season at bottom club Brandesburton - were already two down at home to leaders Long Riston.

One for the purists across the Ditch!

I stayed for the best part of quarter of an hour before deciding that the better contest lay back over the bridge.  I wasn't wrong - the Casuals eventually lost seven-nil.

Unfortunately I got back just after Woodlands had reduced arrears from the penalty spot.  It was a contentious decision according to spectator Brian, that's Brian Appleyard, father of Kev Appleyard, the player-manager...so perhaps not the most impartial opinion on the matter?!

Still, a defensive mix-up early in the second half allowed the Stumo to restore the Stiffs' two-goal cushion.  3-1, looking good and when news came through of Andy Martin's opener at Parkhouse, a double celebration was on the cards.  I should have known better...

'Handy Andy' Mark One at Parkhouse

Within quarter of an hour the Goolesters had turned the game completely on its head to lead 4-3.  Meanwhile Burt's unique texting method informed me, first "1.1" and then "2.1", that things had also changed in Derbyshire.  Almost pre-empting fate I replied "to them?" "Yes" came the answer.  The day had suddenly taken a turn for the worse.

But following Easington United is rarely boring.  With the seconds ticking away at the Farm, the Stiffs won a penalty.  Up stepped Karl Hodgson to coolly slam the ball into the corner.  Extra-time.

Better followed as a fine move inside the opening five culminated in Fozzy's thunderous strike from 25 yards for 5-4.  And no sooner had I finished celebrating that goal than the phone rang: "Two-all, Andy with a header from a free-kick".  Get in there!

 

'Handy Andy' Mark Two...captured in Burt's inimitable style!

While confirmation of a hard-fought draw for the First Team - and subsequent replay at the Farm - duly followed, the Reserves' hopes of progress floundered thanks to tired limbs, lack of resources and a visiting side that knew how to take its chances.  5-9 is a scoreline I feel I'm safe in predicting won't be repeated at Low Farm for some time.  Then again...

Of course, while missing out on the actual game at Parkhouse was bad enough, not being able to enjoy the post-match hospitality in The Woodthorpe Inn was a crushing blow!  And didn't Burt and the lads make sure I knew it...

...Bastards!

Thanks to Burt for the Parkhouse snaps

A Happy Easter

Saturday 3 April – Dronfield Town (away) Match postponed
Easington Utd Reserves 1 Sculcoates Amateurs Reserves 0
Easington Utd Casuals 3 Withernsea Thirds 1
Monday 5 April – Parkhouse FC (home) Won 2-0

During the last full day of our pre-Easter break at Butlins, I received a text from one of our players (Mozzer) telling me not to be surprised if Saturday’s game was called off, a delivery driver had informed him of snow at Dronfield. I put it down as an April Fools joke, although the leaden skies over Skegness all week had already got me wondering.

"Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside!"

It was only on arrival back home on Friday that I read of planned pitch inspections at our opponents’ Stonelow Road ground; one scheduled for 5pm, the other for early Saturday morning. It would be this second inspection that resulted in the postponement of the first part of our planned Easter Double-Header.

Whilst obviously frustrated and disappointed by the enforced alteration to my plans, consolation was to be found in the County League football on offer at the Farm.

And with one game being a relegation six-pointer and the other a tasty local derby, it didn’t sound like the worst way to spend a bright but breezy afternoon.

The Casuals work their revolutionary throw-in routine of actually finding a team-mate

Due to a slightly late kick-off on the main pitch, I ventured across the Ditch for the first quarter of the Casuals’ Division 5 game against Withernsea Thirds.

Both teams came into the match on the back of 9-1 hidings, with the Casuals’ performance at home to Gilberdyke having manager Maccer for once refusing to find any positives in his weekly match report.

Suitably chastened by the experience and still smarting from defeat to their nearest neighbours back in September (not to mention some rather unflattering post-match observations from the Seasiders) our third-string began brightly.

This local derby packed 'em in at Low Farm

Indeed as I and the Elder Slushette crossed the bridge Withernsea had it all on to repel a couple of early Easington set-pieces.

However, soon after joining the larger-than-usual hardy following on the “Wather Works” side, The Seasiders began to force the pace, albeit without really testing Casuals keeper Langfield.

As both sides strove for the breakthrough, tempers rose and the odd feisty exchange ensued – that between “Passionate” Dan and ex-Casual Vinny O’Hara being particularly entertaining.

Lean on me, Ted Hankey!

Although there wasn’t the same edge as would have been present in a meeting of the two clubs’ first teams, it was still obvious that neither side would take defeat well.

Still goalless as we approached the half-hour I ventured back to the main pitch where a similar state of affairs existed between our Reserves and their counterparts from Sculcoates Amateurs.

Action from "Thommo's Corner" as it became known after Monday

The teams had met a week earlier at Hull & ER Sports Ground, with a patched-up Stiffs outfit delivering the first decisive blow in this double-header thanks to a 4-1 win. Today’s meeting was proving much tighter.

On enquiring what I’d missed I was being regaled with the tale of Stu Campbell’s audacious “40-yarder” that had hit the bar when Scully’s pinged the post themselves. That would have changed Kev Appleyard’s team talk somewhat had that gone in!

Not this time Stumo

Half-time on the main pitch prompted my return to the Casuals. My timing was perfect. Just as we crossed the Ditch for the third time Rich Clubley, a “bustling centre forrad” of the type they love in these parts (i.e. clumsy) went on a surging run that took him past three Withernsea defenders. He then unleashed a daisy-cutter from 20 yards that should have proved no problem for Seasiders keeper Moore. Unfortunately the newsagent’s son had left his legs ajar and through the ball went – to the delight of the “Wather Works” side.

It prompted memories of that famous cricketing anecdote involving the late, great Fred Trueman and Raman Subba Row as recalled on The Googlie: Fearsome fast bowler Trueman extracted an edge from the batsman, which went right between team-mate Subba Row's legs to the third man boundary. Fred didn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambled past Trueman and apologised sheepishly. "Sorry Fred. I should've kept my legs together". Trueman retorted in classic fashion "Not you, son. Your mother should've!"

'The Passionate One' hits the bar

Within minutes it’s 2-0, a throw from the right being helped on to t’other Clubley, Dave, who swivels and finishes neatly past the hapless Moore. Passionate Dan then rattles the bar with a header. The Casuals scent victory.

Withernsea aren’t happy. They don’t like losing to the “upstarts” from down the coast – even though they’ve pretty much had to get used to doing so in recent times…

Still goalless in the basement battle

Back to the main pitch where things were getting tight. Although having more possession after the break, we are struggling to make inroads through a solid Scully’s defence. That changes slightly when subs “Torres” and Thommo come on. Both create – and miss – chances before the visitors pass up a great opening of their own inside the last five minutes.
News from the other pitch where veteran Clarke has sealed a 3-1 win for the Casuals.  There’s nil-nil written all over this one here when Fozzy puts the ball down for a free-kick just inside his own half.

“How long ref?”

A minute is the reply.

The ball is launched high into the visitors box and finds its way left to where Stumo retrieves it, skips past a challenge and delivers a cross just begging to be met. It isn’t. The ball goes right where this time Browny is the collector. He delivers low across the six yard box and there to meet it this time is said Stumo. Can’t miss. Doesn’t. 1-0; cue pandemonium among the…well…half-dozen or so in The Farm Shed!

A minute or so of stoppage time later, the referee blows for time. The Stiffs are 6pts clear of their opponents at the foot of the table, albeit from two games more.

A couple of pints of Mann’s Chestnut Mild are sunk in celebration at The Granby before a pleasant Easter Sunday spent at the in-laws bridges the gap to the next live football.

Monday dawns wet and for a time gets wetter. I’m up to work for 7.30 to copy off fifty 12-page wrap-around “flyers” to accompany the programme printed ahead of the postponed fixture on 27 February. The photos have come out poorly but there’s no time to do anything about them now – this is when I hate quick turnarounds.

Thankfully by lunchtime the rain has stopped and clearer skies are approaching from the south-west. The game’s in no danger but it would be nice to have a decent afternoon in which to watch!

By time I get to the ground, just before 12.45pm, Parkhouse have already arrived and their squad have headed for the nearby White Horse “to kill time”. I’m tempted to ring the landlord Barry and offer them anything from the top shelf on club expenses!

The wind’s already picking up by two o’clock and as our players assemble I’m already fearing this could put a right downer on a mouth-watering fixture.

Parkhouse’s manager Paul Murtagh and secretary Nobby Clark are both very personable and we have a good chat about the state of the league and future direction of the CML. I also fit in a brief catch-up on events from The Stoop where Rovers are putting their derby day blues behind them and giving ‘Quins a right walloping.

A half-decent crowd is starting to assemble and before I know it it’s five to three.

"It's all in hand lads!" - a confident Skip has a grip of things

Parkhouse had arrived on the back of six straight wins, a run that had put them back in the title race – although they could afford no slip-ups. They had also thumped us 7-0 at their tidy Mill Lane home back in August, giving us enough incentive other than that of wanting to maintain our push for a top four place.

Relaxed - any more laid back they'd be horizontal!

"Did you ever play then liner?" "Oh ye-a-a-h, I was once on Leeds

United's books, 'fore I got into reffing like..."

With only long-term victim Lenny and the absent Hutch unavailable, Mack had a near-full squad to pick from. Beforehand he asked for them to prove once again how much they’ve learnt from their experiences in the CML and to go and prove another point. They did.

Get in there!

Only 4 minutes had elapsed when Moz picked up a ball on halfway, advanced and struck a swerving shot from 25 yards that completely deceived goalkeeper Gough.

"How the f___ did you get up that high Thommo?!"

The lead would be doubled by the break and again the hapless Gough proved the fall-guy. Receiving a backpass on the edge of his box his attempted clearance spooned up into the swirling wind and when it dropped Thommo got up highest to nod into the unguarded net.

Not for the first time this season we were indebted to Chaz for preservation of a two-goal cushion. Twice in the minutes leading up to half-time he denied Parkhouse top scorer Clay (netter of four in the August drubbing) with brilliant reflex stops.
 

Another quiet day for Chaz & his defenders!

The half-time talk among the visiting supporters at half-time concerned the wind’s adverse effect on the game. Among the home contingent the in-phrase was the need to “baton down the hatches” with Parkhouse set to have the wind in their favour second half.

The watching groundstaff admire a typical Farny "launch"

In the event a combination of disappointing approach play and finishing (Clay in particular passing up several more chances), excellent goalkeeping and solid defending ensured United saw the game through at 2-0.

The final whistle brought huge grins to the hosts, especially those who’d experienced the battering at Mill Lane. Revenge had tasted sweet. Meanwhile, for his non-stop efforts up top the scorer of our second goal not only received the man of the match award but a portion of the ground near the Car Park to be christened “Thommo’s Corner” by groundsman Dave Hodgson!

No-one there Chav!

To their credit Parkhouse were magnanimous in defeat, despite this setback almost certainly quashing their lingering title hopes – even before this weekend’s head-to-head with leaders Church Warsop.

A perfect scene for Easter...or any other time

A lovely pint of Black Sheep was enjoyed in The Neptune before we retired to The Granby for tea, where we were joined by the Rutters, Grahams and Biglins in a meeting of the “old skool”. And as I bade farewell to Inspector Frost on the box later that night I couldn’t help feeling this had been a pretty good Easter. And there was another Easington-Withernsea clash coming up the following night…

Thanks to Burt Graham and Dom Taylor for many of the photos used here