Two Funerals And A Wedding Anniversary

Saturday 13th February – Church Warsop Miners Welfare (home) Lost 2-4

All through the week leading up to this game against the leaders I’d had a feeling things weren’t going to go according to plan – and this wasn’t just because the Programme was Issue No.13!

Quite why the downer I don’t know, as the previous weekend had proved highly enjoyable.

As already recalled the trip to Kiveton Park had been one of the better ones and had yielded three more points. City had managed a priceless win at the KC and England had accounted for Wales in the Six Nations. I’d even managed to avoid incurring the wrath of Mrs Slush by not falling into my usual Saturday evening drunken slumber…well, almost.

The following day provided one of those seemingly all-too-rare family occasions, unspoilt even by the continuing inclement weather. It had begun with Elder Slushette and me accompanying Grandad on his morning constitutional, in which I managed to direct my daughter’s attention to points of interest such as the swan family that has made its home just off the Kilnsea road…

…and South End Farm (below), the former home of our beloved Eastenders in the 1940s and early 50s before their move to the Easington Rec. & Sports Ground (aka Low Farm). 

You can guess which she was more taken with.

Suitably invigorated after our jaunt, we enjoyed the highlight of any proper Sunday – a good old fashioned roast dinner with far too much of everything on offer. Fortified by a couple of glasses of Hardy’s, the washing-up and clearing away was made bearable by the accompanying commentary of Rovers’ opening day win over Salford in Super League XV.

By rights it was an occasion I should have witnessed in the flesh and indeed at one point it appeared that there may even be a Slush Family Outing, with the missus quite keen on seeing that Olly Murs chap in person. In the event, even this “coup” on the part of the HKR marketing people didn’t quite warrant the cost of over fifty quid for the four of us to sit out in the open on a cold, damp February afternoon (get that North Stand sorted Rovers).

Still, it was pleasing to hear afterwards that the X-Factor runner-up had done himself no harm at all with a performance that in addition to the song-and-dance stuff also included rugby tackling Rufus and slotting over several successful goal-kicks (can’t imagine sloppy Joe McElderry doing any of that!).

It all set the tone for what should have been an enjoyable week ahead. Monday marked eight years since Mrs Slush and I said the Sinhalese for “I do” on the back of a Sri Lankan elephant – and I’d remembered, which is always a bonus.
Although not matching the soaring temperatures of that day in Ahungalla, 8 Feb 2010 in Easington dawned dry with a strong easterly wind that usually raises hopes of recovery in the Low Farm pitch. The blog was attracting favourable comments from those whose own offerings I’ve long admired, the club was set to make another new signing and I’d just had official confirmation of my place on a well-respected writers’ course. Oh, and Mrs Slush and I had received an invitation to a wedding bash, which doesn’t happen very often these days. Things were looking up…
Perhaps it was my attendance at a second funeral inside a week that signalled the change in mood. Or possibly the slight shock to the system I had a couple of days later, one that triggered the joyless task of trying to book an appointment at my local surgery: “I’m thinking of being ill a week on Tuesday at about 3.40pm if that’s okay?” Although this slight interruption to my normal well-being was subsequently deemed not serious it was enough to ensure I now have my own choice of songs recorded for the time they’re eventually required – there’s no way I want someone playing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” or similar footy-related shite for my day of dispatch (it’s The Lotus Eaters’ First Picture of You and Danny Wilson’s Mary’s Prayer in case you’re wondering).

This growing mood of melancholy wasn’t helped by listening to 10-men City’s midweek reverse at Blackburn and Rovers’ Friday night thumping at Wigan. Especially so when these setbacks book-ended news of the possible cancellation of the forthcoming Bonanza event, continuing problems with my garage door and those constant bloody trailers for Gordon’s “sob fest” interview with his old mucker Piers Morgan. Meanwhile the weather kept throwing up just enough wet stuff to leave the Church Warsop match in doubt and the prospect of having another batch of redundant programmes on my hands.

Thankfully the skies remained clear overnight Friday and into Saturday morning, with breeze enough to just about dry up the problem areas. This allowed our 8.30am pitch inspection to declare “game on”. My mood lightened. Briefly.

Our opponents Church Warsop Miners Welfare came to Low Farm as leaders of the Premier Division table by 5pts from Dronfield Town, albeit having played a game more. Since our fine win at ‘The Alley’ back in September they had gone eleven league matches unbeaten and, what’s more, they arrived on the back of a 9-0 rout of local rivals Welbeck Welfare – a side we’d struggled to take a point off before Christmas.

Their visit also coincided with a “first” for Low Farm during our CML membership in that we were allowed to stage two games simultaneously. This proved a blessing as two late no-shows for the Reserves on the (in)famous “Pitch Across The Ditch” meant one of our number, the unlucky Hodgy, was asked to swap his first team subs slot for a Stiffs start…which, to be fair, he did with good grace.

While these eleventh hour shenanigans were taking place I was hopping between the various changing rooms and the Tea Hut, welcoming referees, opponents and sponsors (not forgetting 67-yr-old ‘hopper Ian who’d made the trip from Stafford to the East Riding “because Wolves haven’t got a game”!) while also finding time to enter into “debate” with the father of one of our Reserve team’s opponents over the respective merits of the CML and HPL (I won’t bore you with the details). I didn’t even have time to find out the winner of the “Worst ‘Tache Award” before it was five to two and both teams were being led out on to a lush looking Low Farm playing surface.

With Church Warsop and the Reserves’ peculiarly named opponents (Artfuldodgerny.com FC) both possessing a certain “edge” the suggestion had been made that we should allow the visiting teams to play each other while we all sloped off to the pub. Not a bad idea in hindsight!

We actually started both games brightly On the main pitch Gav and Hutchie had already gone close and Gav also had what appeared a strong penalty shout turned down by the time a handball in the visitors box did result in Referee Moffatt pointing to the spot. Up stepped Chav to deservedly fire us ahead (below).

That was on twelve minutes. After thirteen Warsop were level, Gavin Dobb hitting a spectacular overhead riposte from the edge of the box (albeit amid strong claims for a foul in the build-up).

It was entertaining stuff and on 17mins we were back in front. Another infringement close to the box and Mozza blasted the resulting free-kick around the wall and home (below).

Three minutes later came the incident which, ultimately, turned the game as Warsop were awarded a penalty when our keeper came racing off his line to meet striker Dean Rick. Rick went down, the nearby ref’s asst remained motionless but the referee – some twenty yards behind the incident – pointed to the spot. Not surprisingly our highly-strung keeper went apoplectic in his protests and his conviction would suggest he was being honest when he said he’d pulled his hands away (a view backed up by the spectators nearest the incident). However, in the interests of fairness, midfielder Mozza (running alongside the ref at the time) thought the man in the middle had got it right. No matter – Simon Johnson duly converted goal number 23 of the season and it was all square again.

During a rare lull in the action I’d looked across – through the gap provided by a slight break in the hedgerow - to see both teams lining up on the Pitch Across The Ditch following a goal for the Dodgers. A few minutes later I looked again, just in time to witness new Stiffs player-boss Kevin Appleyard make a flying save. The signs were that things weren’t going to plan on there either…

I had this confirmed just before the break when en route to the changing rooms to fire up the generator I met a bloodied Hodgy on his way to get some treatment following what looked a painful smack on the nose.

“Are you still a goal down?”

“No”

“Excellent”

“It’s three”

“Ah”

Back on the main arena, both sides strove to no avail for an advantage and half-time arrived at 2-2.

During the interval I managed a catch-up with ERCFA Juniors Coach Andy Foster who was accompanying our match sponsor. I also had time for a few words with Pete, he of “Riding School Express” fame, who must surely have qualified for the "Worst dressed driver Ever" award (sadly no photos were taken).
The second half opened in pretty much the same fashion as the first had ended. Gradually, though, it was the visitors who appeared to take control in terms of dictating the pace of the game and forcing the issue.

Both teams made changes in an attempt to win the game and, after Simon Johnson (one of three Johnsons in the Warsop line-up) had passed up two opportunities from close range, striker partner Rick showed him how to do it – dancing through some rather woeful “tackles” before planting the ball past Chaz and racing off to enjoy a “splash” of a celebration with his team-mates.

Mack immediately introduced sub “Man Mountain” up top and the move almost paid immediate dividends when the youngster found himself in the clear. His shot beat Payne but as the crowd of 47 waited in anticipation the ball bounced back off the upright and across goal to safety.
Two further chances followed before sub Yoandry Depass capitalised on some tired Easington defending to put another goal on a plate for the aforementioned Rick. The away entourage again came rushing from their dugout in celebration – as asst-boss Micky Taylor acknowledged afterwards, this was a “massive” win for them in their title quest.

Our disappointment at the final whistle was compounded by news of the Stiffs 1-5 reverse across the ditch and another tonking for our third team the Casuals (0-8 at fellow strugglers Haltemprice). In the words of the classic movie, it was a Bad Day At Black Rock.

Thankfully, by the time I reached the Neptune, the banter among members of both Easington teams was as good as ever and already thoughts were being cast towards the following week’s fixtures (a trip to Bilsthorpe for the Firsts, a massive six-pointer against fellow Premier Division strugglers Scully Reserves for the Stiffs). T’was as it always has been during my involvement with Easington football – win or lose we’ll have a booze.

Ironically, with defeat actually confirmed, I felt something of a change in my prevailing mood; almost as if a great weight had been lifted. After a couple of pints of not the finest Tetley Cask I gathered up the Slushettes for the walk home. Tomorrow was Valentines Day, love would be in the air and Mrs Slush and I could cuddle up on the sofa to watch an England “Try Fest” in Rome…oh bugger!

You go your way…

…And we’ll go ours

I was amused to read a piece seemingly submitted by Hornsea Town AFC which appeared in last week’s Holderness Gazette.

It contained a brief resume of The Seasiders’ campaign so far, in which they are lying 4th in the Humber Premier League table, just a point behind the leaders, and closed with the statement that should the club actually win the HPL they will gain “promotion to the Northern Counties League”, by which I’m sure the author means Northern Counties East League.

Now, without going into too much detail as to the exact criteria requirements of membership of the NCEL (partly because at this precise time I’m not sure of them) I struggle to see quite how Hornsea hope to do this.

Currently exiled from their Hollis Recreation Ground due to extensive work thereon, they are playing their home games this season at nearby Leconfield. In my humble opinion, neither venue provides the level of facilities already in place at Low Farm, which as we already know are not at the moment sufficiently good enough to warrant our entry into the NCEL or any other Step 6 league; hence the reason why we sought to make the logical step via the CMFL.

Now I may be wrong on this. Hornsea may well have been given the tip-off from the Northern Counties East League that “win and your up”. If so, good luck to them.

But should that be the case, it does beg the question why did we decide to take the route we did if promotion was that straightforward?

I think somebody somewhere is jumping the gun…

A part of Yorkshire that is forever Wales

Saturday 6th February – Kiveton Park (away) Won 3-1

Did you know that Herbert Chapman, “the most successful British football manager of all time”, was born in Kiveton, South Yorkshire? Me neither. It’s great this Central Midlands League for broadening one’s general knowledge (with a bit of help from the http://www.j31.co.uk/ web site of course!).

A week on from our win in Worksop, Junction 31 off the M1 (from whence the above web site takes its name) was again our destination as we headed off to Hard Lane, home to Kiveton Park & District Football Club. With the added bonus of Driver Pete remembering to steer the “Riding School Express” down the M18, we knocked some 45 minutes off our journey and arrived in good time to take note of our surroundings.

With the help of said web site, I now know that Kiveton means “the settlement in the hollow”, from the Anglo-Saxon “kyfe” meaning dish or hollow vessel and “ton” for stockaded camp. Once the site of Keeton Hall, stately home of the first Duke of Leeds, most of the area was part of his hunting park – hence the full title “Kiveton Park”.

Of more relevance to Saturday’s opponents is the story of coal mining in the area, which began in 1866 and ended with the closure of Kiveton Park Colliery in 1994. It was from this industry that the football club originated.

According to their web site, “The Park” were founded in 1892 although recent evidence points to a team competing in the Sheffield & Hallamshire Cup as early as 1884.

Also known in the past as “Kiveton Park Colliery” and “Kiveton Park United”, they joined the Yorkshire League in 1963 and were promoted from Division 2 two years later. In 1972 they lifted the Sheffield & Hallamshire CFA Senior Cup for the only time in their history, beating Frecheville Community Association FC 3-0 at Swallownest.

Founder members of the Northern Counties East League, they were eventually relegated to the CML in 1991, which they left five years later before rejoining in 1999. Promotion to the Supreme Division was gained via a runners-up spot in 2002/03 but the club was demoted two years later for not having floodlights.

Recent cup success came in 2004/05 and 2005/06 when they lifted the Sheffield & Hallamshire Association Cup (the Senior Cup’s junior competition) two years running.

However, such halcyon days must now seem a long time ago for player-secretary Paul Warrington and manager Wayne Burgin. The team sheet handed me by the latter on Saturday had just twelve names on it, while the previous week’s 0-1 home defeat by Bentley Colliery in the league cup left our hosts with only a fight against a possible re-election to occupy their thoughts for the remainder of the season.

In addition to the club’s on-field struggles, their Hard Lane home of some seventy years has also seen better days.

Typical of several venues we’ve already come across in the CML and similarly constructed by the nearby Colliery when times were better, it has the ubiquitous grandstand running along one side with the rest of the pitch completely fenced off and evidence of hard standing along three sides.

The ground’s capacity is listed as 2000 and the grandstand has “seating space for 200”; although there were precious few areas you’d have wished to sit on this particularly damp and murky afternoon. Again like many of its contemporaries, the ground has fallen prey to vandalism as well as the effects of time.

In the match programme the club states their aim to “fully fence off” all three pitches on the site in order “to keep out the threat of teenage vandals”. They also aim to erect floodlights and build new changing rooms. Similar to Welbeck, one can only wish them well in their quest.

For those amongst our number who chose to pass comment as to the possible health hazards lurking in and around the toilet & shower area of the away changing room, as well as the overall feeling of neglect about the place, it’s perhaps worth remembering that at the same time as these facilities were first being constructed, back at Low Farm players were getting changed in an old farm shed, the toilet facilities were of the al fresco variety and the pitch was adorned by various types of animal droppings!

Anyway, what Kiveton’s ground lacks in aestheticism their committee more than makes up for in hospitality. And a large pot of tea combined with a packet of Rich tea set us up for the cold afternoon ahead.

Given the state of our own pitch, Hard Lane’s main playing surface wasn’t in bad nick. Heavy yes but without a trace of standing water and the ball ran true enough.

Twenty one of us had braved another miserable winter’s afternoon to watch the fare on offer, with the away support again constituting a decent percentage of this total.

Early on it appeared we were in store for an afternoon stroll as we dominated the opening exchanges. But as one good set-piece opportunity followed another, and the final ball or touch was lacking in other promising moves from open play, a feeling of anxiety began to grow amongst the travelling support.

After Frosty had hit the bar our fears almost proved founded when Kiveton’s skipper Jamie Webster and striker Simon Toseland both went close in the run-up to half-time.

The interval was spent looking around the old stand and working out the cost of erecting something similar – if smaller – at the Farm. Get onto it Burt!

The second half began similar to the first i.e. we asked a lot of questions without any end product. That is until the hour mark when Jamie C latched onto a Farny lay-off, strode towards goal and unleashed an absolute belter from 25 yards that hit the back of the net before the home keeper had even smelt it. Magical stuff.

Mack immediately withdrew the injured Smalls, dropped Chav in at right back and brought young “Torres” on to the left. The replacement’s first contribution was to skip past a defender and cross perfectly for Jamie to net his second. 2-0, 62mins, game over…

Well not quite. Having used all three subs, Frosty’s whack on the knee with just over ten to go meant us playing out the majority of the remaining time a man down. Kiveton seized on this and Toseland nipped into make it 1-2 on 80mins. Suddenly my thoughts turned to that “draw specialists” tag that the CML’s Frank Harwood has pinned on us.

Thankfully, we were to have the last shout – ball half-cleared to Mozzer, fine chip back in to find “Torres” and a sweet left foot volley over a stranded keeper. Points assured.

My mood at the final whistle was enhanced further by news of Jozy’s maiden strike for El Tigres at The KC and by the time I was packing the kit onto the “Riding School Express” City were two up courtesy of George “Feed the Boat and he will score” Boateng!

Our post-match watering hole was the Jubilee Club along the B6059 in neighbouring Wales. And for those of you wondering, as with the country of the same name it originates from the Saxon English term 'stranger' or 'the Welsh' (what an informative little site this J31 one is!) which, also according to the site, “possibly denotes the presence of Celts who remained after the Anglo-Saxon settlement in around 500 AD”.

I must admit to lowering my expectations of any liquid satisfaction on being told that the venue was a “working men’s club”. For although I guessed correctly that the ale would be cheap, I didn’t think it would be “real”. Oh Lordy how wrong could I be?

There were two absolute gems on offer – Robinson’s “Mr Scrooge Humbug Bitter” (4.4%) and Harviestoun’s “Haggis Hunter” (4.3%); both at £2.10 a pint and both extremely quaffable (especially the Robinson's seasonal (sic) offering which had lasted really well given the date). Combined with what looked like some fine chilli and jackets (I abstained in favour of the chicken biryani that awaited my return home) it helped create the perfect post-match atmosphere; topped off of course by confirmation of a much needed win for City over their mega-rich namesakes.

The journey back proved lively and entertaining, aided by the usual offy take-out, and plans were drawn up for this weekend’s “Porn ’Tache Day” to accompany the visit of leaders Church Warsop Miners Welfare. Having a particular inability to grow anything that resembles mature facial hair above my top lip, I may well be hoping the weather again intervenes to force postponement of yet another home game…

Thanks to Burt Graham for the photography

"A drop o' wather!"

Are pitches getting wetter or are we getting softer?

While our return to Central Midlands League action last Saturday was as welcome as it was overdue, the chances of either of our County League squads getting to kick a ball remain some way off, especially given the dismal weather that has been with us again this week.

Neither the Reserves nor the Casuals have played since 12 December. Given that both are scheduled to be at home this Saturday, it would appear likely that they will soon have gone exactly two months without a game. 

When Vice-chairman Mike Wilson conducted an impromptu inspection early this week, the main pitch had seventeen areas of standing water on it. The “pitch across the ditch” had only one – but it stretched from the goalmouth to the halfway line!

I’ve been a member of Easington United for over twenty years now and I have not known a season like this for disruption, despite being able to recall some fairly wet winters.

Even Harry Jackson’s fiercely protective nature towards his sacred turf at Humbleton during our residence there in the early years of the HPL never witnessed a run of postponements as that currently being experienced…although he did manage seven call-offs for wet or frozen pitches in 2000/01!

The worst barren run I had experienced prior to the current season came during 1997/98 when, as player-manager of the Second XI, I saw five successive matches postponed between 20 December and 24 January (albeit the first of these, at Barkers, was due not to the weather but to the Beverley side’s inability to raise a team).

The following season saw ten Reserve team postponements in a sixteen-week period between 14 November 1998 and 6 March 1999. Again, however, four of these were due to reasons other than the weather.

At first team level I had always thought of 1994/95, our first season in ER County League Division 1, as being a particularly bad one but on checking the records I would appear mistaken; just the first three games of the New Year fell victim to waterlogged pitches back then.

Prior to my joining the club, the winter of 1981 (often referred to during the recent cold snap) was bad with only one fixture played between 4 December and 30 January. The following year was similarly disrupted, with just two games played in the same spell.

Going further back into the club’s history, the North Sea flood of January 1953, in which the pitch was submerged and the changing rooms were washed away, only prompted a request to postpone fixtures “for four weeks” while the players were involved in “coastal defence work”.

In fact you have to go back to 1950/51 to find similar disruption to that being currently experienced. That season the Eastenders were inactive from 9 December to 10 February.

And when the rain finally abated, the snow came as reported by the Hull & East Yorkshire Times of 24 February: “Reaching about blizzard force, the blinding snowstorm which swept across most South Holderness League grounds caused the abandonment of all but two games”. One of those to survive was Easington’s league cup tie against near neighbours Holmpton – only their second fixture to be played in thirteen weeks.

I’ve spoken to several players of that period as part of my ongoing research into the history of the club. Most can barely recall their undulating home grounds at South End Farm and Low Farm being anything other than wet on match days. Some of these players are now regular spectators and often comment on seeing games called off: “We played on a lot waarse pitches than this!” I’m sure they did.

Playing conditions during those formative years are the source of many an anecdote for the aforementioned book, as the following extract shows:

“Frank Douglas recounts an amusing episode when playing at the original South End ground for visitors Holmpton. Having been upended in one of the “land bottoms” (troughs) which was submerged in water, he found himself held down by Easington skipper Rex Newsam who had his knee on his back. “I came up near drooned (drowned), spluttering an’ coughing. He was laughing like hell was Rex!”

Arthur Piggott, who began his playing days with The Eastenders in 1948 and went on to become Club Chairman in 1961, also recalled what he termed “rum conditions”; not only at home but right across the East Riding. He described it as “like playing in the River Humber at times” and can recount a game played in Hull at which the pitch was flooded at both ends: “The ref said, ‘You’ve come a long way lads, I don’t want to send you back home so we’ll play’. However, he introduced a proviso that each time the ball landed in standing water it immediately became the goalkeeper’s!”

Frank Douglas also remembers this incident: “Aye, we played the whole game under those rules – I thought it was ice though, not wather” “Well it was mucky whatever it was!” replied Piggott.

One player who reportedly lapped up the wet conditions was Gordon Lount. According to team-mate Tom Robinson (who joined the Eastenders in 1952 and went on to complete 23 years service with the Club before returning as volunteer groundsman in the late Eighties) Lount’s love of wet pitches gained him “the reddest thighs that would clap together when he ran!” Apparently his favourite trick was to take the ball into the flooded areas and beckon the opposition to come and get it. Gordon Clubley recalled a match against Paull when, similar to Frank Douglas’s earlier tale, Lount “knocked a bloke over in the water then sat on him”!”

The bad weather of 1950/51 prompted Frank Robinson, long-time stalwart of local football, to write in the Holderness Gazette: “Cancellation of matches through bad weather, muddy and waterlogged grounds, and other causes are becoming a serious factor if one hopes to see the completion of the league fixtures this season, especially with Division 2. Whilst it has been one of the wettest seasons on record, cancellations have become too frequent and in some cases minor excuses have been the cause. I have seen most of the grounds in South Holderness but none compare with Withernsea A.F.C. who have revelled in the clay and mud and completed nearly all their fixtures.”

He continued: “Twenty years or so ago cancellations were almost unknown and one can recall games played in snow and rain and hail with the grounds almost submerged in water. Whether we were a hardier race in those days or whether the game came first, win or lose, I cannot say, but it’s worth a moment’s thought – isn’t it?” 
It is.

An edited version of this will appear in the match programme for the Church Warsop game on 13 February...weather permitting of course!

The right switch

Saturday 30th January – FC Brimington (away) Won 2-1

The decision to request a switch of fixture away from a sodden Low Farm last Sunday week proved a shrewd one as we returned home from Worksop with our second “double” of the season duly completed, courtesy of a hard-earned 2-1 win at FC Brimington.

By some sort of fitting coincidence, this return to action was against the same side we were due to meet on 19 December in the last fixture of 2009 – the first of five to have since fallen victim to this horrendous “cold snap”.

Opponents FC Brimington hail from a suburb of Chesterfield, came through a Sheffield Sunday League and now play in Worksop – confused? You’re not the only one.

Formed by chairman and team manager Cliff Thomas, “FCB” started life as a Sunday League side as recently as 2007 but with the promise from their manager that “within two years he would take the club to professional status as a nonleague club”. A successful negotiation to lease the former home of Worksop Town at Sandy Lane and membership of the Central Midlands League has enabled Thomas to go some way to meeting this pledge.

We’d already played Brimington at home, back in October, winning 3-1 in a game the visitors felt they should have had more reward from. Thus we knew we were in for a tough one in the return. And the players’ resolve had already been tested before we’d even got there!

Leaving snow-bound Easington aboard the “Riding School Express” at 10.45am (already 15mins late) we were delayed further when driver Pete realised the kit was still at The Granby pub. Thus when we arrived at the first pick-up point, Patrington, we were half-an-hour behind schedule.

As Viking Radio were giving us “a shout” on their mid-morning show, elsewhere Hutchie – our Manchester-based student – had been in touch to say his train was also running late and he would struggle to make Hull by the appointed rendezvous. A bit of thinking on the hoof suggested a Selby drop-off and subsequent pick-up by one of the cars making the trip.

This was followed by Andy G (Mack’s Number Two for the day due to Nige’s absence) receiving an eleventh hour call from home following an accident and the goalkeeper, travelling with dad and girlfriend by car, taking the bait of a hoax call that told him the game was off and deciding to turn back…before thankfully realising what complete t#@ts his team mates could be and carrying on!

Without either the AA route-finder printout (my fault) or a map (Driver Pete’s) we elected to go M1 rather than A1, only for Pete to further compound our misery by missing the M18 turn-off. It was rapidly turning into one of those days…

The aptly-termed “icing” on the cake was almost supplied by match referee Jim Sharp when we eventually arrived at Sandy Lane just before 1.30pm. Having walked over the pitch with his assistants, the referee declared that had he been asked to conduct a pitch inspection that morning, the game would have been off.

The main problem area was that under the shade of the main stand, which remained rock hard and bore the scars of Tuesday’s Floodlit Trophy encounter in which Brimington had beaten Supreme Division strugglers Nettleham 5-1. No amount of “warming-up” on it was going to soften that particular stretch.

Thankfully, the wishes of both teams prevailed and at 2.10pm, we resumed our first season in the Central Midlands League.

FCB’s reports of their midweek win and the previous Saturday’s 3-1 success against FC 05, had talked of “bigger crowds” at Sandy Lane. Now I don’t know what numbers they were referring to but at kick-off on this sunny, albeit bitterly cold, winter’s afternoon there were barely thirty souls inside the ground – and almost a third of that figure had travelled down from the East Riding. With their own beloved Tigers currently banished to Ilkeston, the good folk of Worksop don’t yet appear to have taken the new residents of Sandy Lane to their hearts.

Still, the hosts certainly look the part of a side with ambition. They have a Barcelona-style club badge, personalised kit for all 29 squad members and are rumoured to be each on a handy little sum to play football; which made our victory taste all the sweeter. They also have an attractive female Physio – a point not surprisingly picked-up on by each of our players…and our driver!

We began brightly enough only to fall behind to a good header from a corner on 16mins. Thankfully we levelled matters two minutes later when quick thinking by Chav at a throw-in and a clever run from Frosty allowed the latter to coolly lob the keeper for 1-1.

On the half-hour it was 2-1 thanks to a similarly deft finish by Gav after Mozzer had got his bonce on to Chaz’s long punt upfield. It was a lead we held fairly comfortably to the break.The second half proved a different story. Perhaps it was the effects of the long lay-off beginning to take their toll but whatever the reason, we allowed our hosts to dictate matters to such an extent that most of the action took place in and around Chaz’s goal.

Thankfully, after his slight fumble for their goal, the keeper redeemed himself and produced a string of fine saves to preserve our lead. Aided by some sterling defensive work from those in front and, it has to be said, some fairly average finishing by the opposition forwards our goal remained intact. Thus when Mr Sharp blew for time we had moved to within a point of our hosts and with three games in hand.

Post-match we retired to the Sandy Lane clubhouse where I wasn’t surprised to find the “selection” of ales on offer somewhat other than startling. Still, with 3pts locked safely away in the minibus, even the most mundane pint of John Smith’s Smooth can taste like a Timothy Taylor Landlord…okay, so I’m being silly now.

After unsuccessfully willing Paul Merson to report on another goal being scored in the Wolves net, we boarded the minibus for what proved to be a quicker, stress-free trip home, via a local beer-off, Blyth (our picturesque stop-off point ahead of Mark Hateley’s ill-fated first game in charge of our own Tigers at Mansfield in August 1997) and the A1.

Our homeward journey was made even more enjoyable by the news that three of the teams above us in the table had dropped points. The gap between us and the top four is still significant but this is a squad that believes anything is yet possible!