Mild & Bitter

Saturday 28 November - South Normanton Athletic (away) Won 3-1
Saturday 5 December - Welbeck Welfare (away) Drew 1-1

I have for some time been of the opinion that I'm getting old and last night - or rather this morning - further reinforced this view. This follows the annual 'Curry Night' enjoyed in Hull with the lads from work (past & present).
The signs weren't good as I sat in the Hackney carriage that cost over a fiver to simply transfer me from the city centre to Pave bar on Princes Ave. That was on top of the bus from Hedon at £1.75, a cost that would have been considerably more had I not benefited from a lift that far in the first place. The best part of an hour and a half, plus almost a tenner in cash, and I'd not yet tasted my first pint. And to think I used to mount this military style logistics operation every weekend back in my dim and increasingly distant past.Four pints set me up nicely for the main event of the evening - a meal in that finest of restaurants, Raj Pavilion on Beverley Road. Unfortunately, by the time the Cobra and a Chef's Special Mixed Balti were doing their business my body was already beginning to warn me that Friday would be anything other than a day to TFI for.

At least when the first pint arrived it was a decent one. Pave stocks up to five cask choices among its array of ales and the two I sampled - Deuchars IPA and Great Newsome Sleck Dust - were both on exceedingly good form.

Why am I telling you all this? Well mainly because as a result of my lethargy throughout most of today's waking hours, the Club web site has been sadly neglected and none of this week's blog has been put together. My only part of the day that wasn't a complete write-off was the printing off of 40 match programmes for tomorrow's game against Bentley Colliery. Even that was 20 less than the normal run - that's how bad I felt!

We go into tomorrow's game on the back of two away matches that yielded 4pts. The trips to South Normanton Athletic and Welbeck Welfare also proved hugely contrasting in terms of the quality of grounds visited.


Lees Lane, home of South Normanton Athletic, is easily the best ground seen thus far on my Central Midlands League “journey”. This is perhaps not surprising given the Derbyshire club’s pedigree but it's still a very useful reminder of the reasons why we opted to leave the Humber Premier League.

South Normanton have attracted a lot of praise on the CML Message Board from teams for their approach to the game. I would certainly endorse this given the two games we enjoyed against them (thankfully this time around there could be no complaints about the result).

The trip typified everything behind our reasons for wishing to join the CML and Lees Lane is the type of ground that cannot fail to whet players’ appetites for more of the same.

It’s not only a smashing venue at this level but it provides everything you could wish for as part of the match day experience…well, perhaps with the exception of a good cask ale (I mean, John Smiths Extra Cold smooth on a bloody freezing afternoon in November!!).

A decent game played in good spirit by two teams wanting to knock the ball about was eventually won by us, despite having gone a goal down inside the opening minute. Thommo, Jamie and Moz scored in a 3-1 win that kept us in touch with those at the top. And despite their disappointment at the defeat, Normanton manager Phil Bailey and co. proved the most convivial of hosts.

The excursion to Derbyshire was the first bus trip of the season so far without our regular driver, Pete, who had prior commitments. Thus the legendary Burt-on-Bus emerged from retirement along with son Andy (“Trotter”) to ensure the Ezzie Fun Bus was ready to roll. There were also new faces among the passengers with a later departure time allowing Chav a rare car-free day and even ‘The Stumo’ managing to arrange himself a pick-up near Goole.

We had the by-now obligatory music to accompany our journey and pre-match banter; although this week’s choice ('The Best of Rod Stewart' courtesy of Smalls) didn’t prove universally popular. The strains of “If you want my body and you think I’m sexy…” provided something of a rather surreal backdrop to the sight of fourteen blokes getting changed!

The floodlights at Lees Lane that permitted a return to 3pm kick-offs were not in evidence at the following week's Elkesley Road Sports Ground home of Welbeck Welfare. Unfortunately the contrast between the two venues - and trips - didn't end there.

In fairness, the Nottinghamshire club proved no less welcoming than their neighbours from across the borders. Sadly, however, the aforementioned Elkesley Road defines the term “run down”. It no longer boasts even a stand – only the concrete base remains – nor even a dugout, while the pitch was in desperate need of a roll. And as for the showers…

The disappointment in the surroundings (save for the evocative view of a working pit as backdrop to the venue) was matched by our performance in a 1-1 draw.

It should be said that had Thommo bagged either of two very presentable early chances or Jamie's effort not come back off the bar, we may well have had things wrapped up long before the hosts scored with their first meaningful attempt on 32mins.

Second half we survived the sending-off of Mozzer and belied our numeric deficiency to dominate proceedings, eventually salvaging a point thanks to another confidently taken Chav penalty.

During half-time I enjoyed a cuppa in the company of a couple of Welbeck's "backroom staff" and it was hard not to sympathise with them as they listed a catalogue of woes to have affected the club including loss of players, constant vandalism at the ground and no support from the local community, business or otherwise. Another blow will come in March when the Colliery from which the club takes its name closes.

Apparently the local authority has decided to rebrand everything “Meden Vale” (after the nearby river) in an attempt to attract new investment. A glance across the “man-made mound” between the football ground and the home of Meden Vale RUFC shows where any local sponsorship currently goes. Despite this and all the adversity currently being faced, the football club and those nearest the pit are determined that Welbeck Colliery Village will not disappear from the map. I for one hope they succeed.

As a final aside, the Meden Vale “rugger” lads get first choice of room in the post-match Welfare Club, enjoy a better offering of post-match fare and provide the only chance of having a decent cask ale on...even this little bonus was denied me on my visit. Faced with either Worthington or John Smiths smoothflow, much to the amusement of the barman I opted for a pint of Mitchell & Butler Mild...which was interesting!

Thanks to Burt Graham for some of the photography used above.

A Stiff Task

Second Team Management - it's a dirty job but someone's got to do it...

Some of the gloss was taken off our fine win at South Normanton’s impressive Lees Lane home last Saturday (which along with tomorrow's trip to Welbeck Welfare will be the subject of next week’s post). This was due to news of two more emphatic defeats for both our County League squads. Both came at home, both saw an Easington team ship seven goals.

Now as far as the Casuals (our third-string) are concerned, while such defeats are disappointing, they can usually be probably forgotten as quickly as the time it takes one of Wardy’s pints of Frothingham Best in post-match watering hole The Granby to hit the spot!More worrying though, was the spanking sustained by the Reserves against their Reckitts counterparts. The 7-1 reversal is the latest in a string of depressing setbacks, numbered among which have been a 10-0 at Goole, a 7-0 at Wawne and a 5-0 at Artfuldodgerny.com (don’t ask!); all of which means the Stiffs’ goal difference currently stands at -31 after just eight matches. Even the disappointing 2008/09 season only yielded -32 and that was after eighteen games. Thankfully goal difference doesn’t count in the County League and the Reserves remain one off the bottom by virtue of having won one game more than Sculcoates Amateurs.

There have been mutterings of dissent and discontent all season from some quarters within the Stiffs camp and, having seemingly been allayed by three successive wins in September/October, the recent run of five straight defeats (including two comprehensive cup exits) brought things to a head.

This resulted in some lengthy discussions at the start of the week, a few choice words in certain earholes and some subsequent movement in personnel both at management and playing levels. The upshot of which – I hope – will be a rejuvenated Second Eleven taking the field tomorrow against Holme Rovers.

They followed this up with victory over last season’s beaten championship play-off team Beverley Town Reserves (above top) and a win over Mill Lane in the cup (above). Suddenly the picture looked brighter. Ahem.

It’s hard to pinpoint where it’s all gone awry. At the start of the season there was a new manager, plenty of new young players and a confidence born out of a decent pre-season. A heartening display at fancied Goole side Viking Raiders on the opening day prompted hope for the current campaign.

Certainly the subsequent loss of many of the Cleeve youngsters, for various reasons, didn’t help new man in charge Lee (above). He also admitted to finding the step up from junior football a big one in terms of management.

Therefore in came Fozzy and Daws to try and take some of the pressure off and, sure enough, the impact was instantaneous. A week after the ten-goal mauling at Goole Goods Office, the Stiffs went to reigning champions Howden and chalked up a first win.

What galls me most about the current run of results is that on paper the Reserves have been fielding far stronger sides than those available to previous manager Smalls. And despite finishing bottom, his team rarely suffered reversals of the magnitude currently being experienced. So where does the blame lie? That’s what I’ve spent the past week trying to find out.

It’s easy to assume that “nobody gives a f__k” about the Reserves and other teams as long as the first team is doing well. This has never been the case at our club, certainly not where I’m concerned. Although the senior squad should always take priority in terms of team selection etc., those below it in the pecking order each provides a vital task to the continued prosperity of the club as a whole.

I’ve seen both sides of the “Second Team” coin. When we launched a reserve string in 1995/96 I was the first manager and we capped our inaugural season by winning the County League Division 4 championship. In 2000/01 I was asst-mgr to 'The Sumo' when a similarly strong Reserves side won the County League Junior Cup (below)

That inaugural season for the Second Eleven saw the First team fight a season-long battle against relegation from County League One, a battle they eventually won by the skin of their teeth. However, despite their troubles manager Mickey Bo’ very rarely took players off me during the campaign – even though there were at least half-a-dozen candidates at the time for senior squad spots.

It therefore hit me fairly hard the following year when the title-winning side was broken up with several gaining their rightful places in the First Team. This time it was our turn to try and stave off relegation.

Second and Third team management is a thankless task. You can win 5-0 one week and have everybody available for the following Saturday only to then see three or four of them taken off you due to injuries and absences up above. That’s how it is. It’s frustrating, often thankless but it’s all in the job. And as long as the club continues to prosper (which more often than not goes hand-in-hand with the success of the First Team) then the “junior” squads are seen to be doing their thing.

Darren Dawson (above) – who has been manfully standing-in as ‘Stiffs Supremo’ until a permanent replacement can be found – summed up the role of a Reserve team quite brilliantly I thought in his programme notes a couple of weeks ago.

He did this in answer to what he felt was excessive criticism of the standard of some of his players following a cup exit at the hands of First Division side Park Athletic (when even the wearing of the first team kit couldn't influence a change of luck - see above). Given that this season’s reserve squad is comprised of several youngsters who we hope will go on to form the core of the first team for some years to come, this is the last thing we needed to hear. The events of last Saturday proved the final straw.

Which is why this past week has seen me involved in some frantic discussions, phone calls and meetings with the upshot that, hopefully, “cometh the hour, cometh the man” in the form of John “Sniffer” Clarke (above), who has agreed to “oversee” matters at Reserve level until the Christmas break. In addition, club captain Andy Graham – in a terrific gesture – has requested he be allowed to go down to the Reserves this weekend to try and help raise spirits and boost confidence.

Neither of these men needed to do this. John would have been quite content to turn up at the Farm on a weekly basis and support whichever team is at home, while counting down the days until he can start adding to his record 665 Eastenders appearances again (a troublesome knee injury having put that on hold since pre-season). Meanwhile AG led out his players for the first time in two months at South Normanton last Saturday (above) and went on to be one of the day's star performers (and he drove the mini-bus!!). Now, thanks to his gallant actions this weekend, he could theoretically face another lengthy wait to get his place back – having just regained a starting berth following a five week suspension! If this sort of attitude and commitment can be replicated throughout the squad we won’t go far wrong.

And although John has only committed to the task for what amounts to three games, in my opinion they could turn out to be the three most important of the season. Should the run of emphatic hidings continue with no accompanying improvement in attitude and performance, then it’s hard to see where we go with the second-string. By contrast, a marked improvement in the above and, dare I say, a win or three (?!) would give everybody a huge lift ahead of 2010. If that can also be accompanied by the return of a couple of experienced old hands – revived and refreshed by self-imposed “exile” – then the picture could look a whole lot rosier.

Personally I’ve got a good feeling about the Reserves – I hope it remains after four o’clock tomorrow!

Mauled

Saturday 21 November - Yorkshire Main (home) Lost 1-2
Wednesday 25 November - Hull City 3 Everton 2

It's been a busy week. Despite no programme production I don't seem to have had any more time to get owt done (especially any of those daft little jobs the wife's been banging on about for the past few months!). The pile of unread newspapers continues to build and I've still not had chance to watch a copy of "The Damned United" lent to me some three weeks back. I think I need to go part-time!
I did get one "task" out of the way this week. On Monday I went Christmas Shopping. Well no, that's not quite true, I accompanied Alison on a Christmas shopping trip. It wasn't half as bad as I'd imagined, especially given the horror stories I'd heard from friends who've already "done their bit" as it were. And lunch at Frankie & Benny's always makes a trip to Hull worthwhile!
Oh, and I’ve also found time to "Back the Bid". Yes, on the day that Adam ("Lord") Pearson and co. presented their Hull 2018 case to the Football Association in London, I pledged my support "online" and I've since sent out the text. The World Cup. In 'Ull. A "reet grand" idea if you ask me!
I can see it now. Sitting there in nine years time among a capacity 45,000 crowd in the newly revamped KC Stadium watching, say, an Algeria side skippered by the then veteran Kamel Ghilas, taking on a USA side for whom the 27-yr-old Jozy Altidore is leading the line in his third World Cup.

And as the crowd disperses, I imagine I'll stay behind and watch the stadium staff get to work unfurling the huge sponsors banners that are needed to cover the large tracts of seats that won't be required two days later when the venue is again in use - for Hull FC's home game in front of the Sky cameras and just over ten thousand fans. Of course, in the intervening years the Dullers will have made numerous requests to return to their "spiritual home" at the Boulevard; unfortunately these will have stalled due to (a) the lack of the old Threepenny Stand to piss up against and (b) the inability to move on the travellers who decided to make a home at the one-time proposed NHS-funded training and lifestyle centre!

Should Hull be successful in its bid, I can inform those in charge now that I will be available to act as "Guide" for any proposed tours of the area’s real ale hostelries that might be deemed integral in helping our visitors "get a feel for the place". In fact I’ll do it for free - well perhaps a little “subsistence” money wouldn’t go amiss.

Anyway, if you’ve not yet supported the Hull bid please do so

Talking of ale, Denis Cox at Hutton Cranswick informs me there’s a nice pint to be had at Bentley Colliery. I already await the trip there on January 23 with great anticipation. And as I passed the White Horse in our village square at lunchtime I'm fairly certain that was the legendary former Robin Paul Fletcher busy working on the place? But I digress...again!
The ale certainly wasn’t a factor in my trip to the KC Stadium on Wednesday – an extortionately priced pint of Marston Smooth in a plastic glass on a cold, autumnal evening doesn’t do it for me. Mind you, the coffee at nearly two quid a cup isn’t exactly an alluring alternative. Thank God the fare on offer on the pitch was enough to (almost) merit the £25 ticket.
Having spent the most of this season (and last) finding consolation for poor results from the KC in good ones at Low Farm I’m starting to experience a bit of a turnaround. No longer is the standing joke after a midweek match that “at least we don’t have to come again Sat’day”; City are starting to win a few.
Indeed, following the thrillers against Stoke and Everton, it’s a real disappointment that unless the FA Cup intervenes, my Tiger trekking for the season is all but over.
After the Bullard show against the Stokies the win over Everton was perhaps even more impressive in that it showed City are by no means a "one-man band" (and Marney scored for chrissake!)

Wednesday’s game was also in direct contrast in terms of the finale. While injury-time versus the Potters was the cue for Big Jan to prompt unprecedented scenes of delirium, the overriding feeling against the Toffees was that of near nervous exhaustion as Duke flapped at crosses and then Leighton Baines lined up a last-gasp free-kick 20 yards out. Thankfully he struck it into the wall and a few agonising moments later impressive referee Martin Atkinson blew for time and another very valuable three points.

On the way home, with my compatriot Biff not quite willing to acknowledge publicly that he couldn’t have thought of many better ways to spend his wedding anniversary (sorry Steph!), one caller to BBC Radio Humberside said how much it all reminded him of City in the Eighties – “plenty of goals scored and conceded, Horton in the dugout…and the threat of financial ruin never far away!”

City in the Eighties featured a couple of times in Wednesday’s match programme, especially the excellent article by the Yorkshire Post’s Phil Booth on the current lack of midweek “treats” (i.e. matches under the “blazing floodlights”).Therein he recounted “probably City’s most infamous night match in the club’s history” - the trip to Turf Moor on May 15 1984. That night the Tigers travelled in the knowledge that a three-goal win would secure promotion to the old Second Division but anything less would hand that prize to Sheffield United. Along with some 4,000 others, I made that trip along the M62 for my 16th away game of the season (17 if you include the ill-fated same journey in January, which had been curtailed when we met other supporters' coaches - and City's team bus - coming back following the game’s postponement due to bad weather).

Burnley were simply not prepared for the size of the Tigers' following that May evening and along with countless others, I was still queuing outside the turnstiles when Brian "Bunter" Marwood (above) put us one up. And only just inside when his second made it 2-0 soon after. But that’s where the fairytale ended and the memory of that pocket of Sheffield fans dancing about behind the left hand goal after the final whistle has left a scar ever since. Points the same, goal difference the same but the Blades went up by virtue of having scored more goals.

Of the five matches mentioned by Booth in the piece, I’m privileged to be able to say “I was there” for four of them – Burnley in ‘84; Duane Darby’s six against Whitby in the FA Cup replay at Boothferry Park in 1996; Nick Barmby’s sumptuous show at Hillsborough in 2004; and the Play-Off semi-final second leg with Watford at the KC a couple of years back.
 

All would make it on to my personal list of favourite floodlit games, along with the 4-1 win over Walsall in September 1979 (my first night match), a similar result at Preston in April 1985, and two Friday night wins in South Wales - 1-0 in the FA Cup at Swansea in February 1987 and 2-0 at Cardiff in November 1994, a game accompanied by Deano's legendary "Coke can" incident prior to scoring City's second from the penalty spot!

Memorable for vastly differing reasons is the 1-1 draw at Exeter on a Tuesday evening in 1993. The game itself was largely forgettable but it was accompanied by one of the best pre-match "sessions" I ever undertook, beginning in Torquay on preceding Sunday afternoon!

City’s current upturn and especially Wednesday’s win helped ease my disappointment at our first defeat in nine Central Midlands League games, which occurred at the hands of Yorkshire Main last Saturday.
The Doncaster side repeated their recent League Cup success at Low Farm courtesy of another solid performance aided by one of our poorest – if not the poorest – of the season to date. We actually started brightly enough, only to concede two sloppy goals inside five minutes around the half-hour mark. And in fairness, despite seeing their number reduced following a sending-off – striker White seeing red for wearing gloves, sorry, after an altercation with young Owen - Main rarely looked like relinquishing the points. Farny struck the post in one of our few real chances before Pursey capped a fine move with our solitary reply in injury-time.


The defeat was only our second of the season, our first at home and it now means we head off for two consecutive away games in need of a win or two if we’re to force our way into the leading pack.

Saturday also witnessed another first for the Farm in the availability and consumption of hot meat pies at the ground. Six days on I’m still confused as to the origins of just how such tasty morsels appeared; though it probably has something to do with the newly-formed TAPAS (Tetley And Pies Appreciation Society) group pictured above. I shall endeavour to find out more but suffice to say, a very welcome addition to the match day routine they may prove to be. (And, no I couldn't possibly manage two Clarkey!!)

This week we head off to South Normanton for the first of the aforementioned back-to-back away games. It should see a welcome return for skipper (and tea boy) Andy Graham as well as a brief return to three o'clock kick-offs thanks to The Shiners' impressive Lees Lane home having lights.

Whether it will also witness a return to winning ways remains to be seen...

That Retro Thang

Saturday 14 November - Thorne Colliery (away) Drew 2-2

The lads have started to bring some music to accompany our games in the Central Midlands League, courtesy of a portable cd player in the changing rooms and on the bus to away games. Mind you, I'm not sure "music" describes some of the sounds to have emanated from said "boombox" (or rather "whimperbox" as our manager described it) prior to the recent games against Kiveton and Thorne Colliery.
Having said that, I'm not exactly blessed with a great knowledge of what's "cutting edge" these days. Whereas one time I'd have been at jostling for position at the front of the queue to get my sounds heard (as was the case back in '95 when Pete Tong's Essential Selection provided the soundtrack to any game involving Easington's new Second XI) the age-gap between me and the current First Team dictates that my choices probably wouldn't go down too well; especially given a current listening list in the car that includes The Style Council, New Order, Sharleen Spiteri and Editors...oh, and Andy Williams.
However, one man currently "kicking up a storm" (as I would no doubt have said during my days as local music correspondent for Hull, Hell & Happiness) is Mayer Hawthorne. For the uninitiated among you, the aforementioned Mr Hawthorne is currently one of the hottest properties in the world of soul/jazz, courtesy of his album "A Strange Arrangement" on Stone's Throw Records. "Cool" with the most capital of C's. So, how does somebody with my admittedly loose handle on the current music scene pull such a street-cred rabbit out of the hat - why, through that most street-cred of publications of course, The Daily Telegraph!

Yes, I was introduced to Mr Hawthorne through the estimable newspaper's Saturday Review supplement, courtesy of the following intro: "Wogan's a fan, and so's Snoop Dogg. Mayer Hawthorne mixes Motown soul with punchy beats - all in a suit and tie." That sort of description immediately appealed to the part of my make-up that used to force me into Hull's legendary Syd Scarbs store every time Kent Records released a new compilation; and when I finally got to hear the man, Wow! Take a look at the pic and I agree you wouldn't associate him with the aforementioned paper's description of a voice that on tracks like "The Ills of the World" "recalls Superfly-era Curtis Mayfield". But it's spot-on.

Setting Hawthorne's music apart from countless other retro soul artists is the influence he brings to bear of ten years as a hip-hop producer and DJ. But he does so while still retaining an authentic feel of soul music's glory years. Check out more - buy the album. I did.

So what's a potential musical genius from Detroit, USA got in common with a trip to Thorne Colliery FC in the Central Midlands League on a very autumnal November afternoon in 2009? In one word, "retro", although in fairness, while the sounds of Hawthorne do inspire thoughts of yesteryear, they're possibly harking back to a more gentle time than that which springs to mind when arriving at the Moorends Welfare Ground.

Similar to the visit to Church Warsop and to a lesser extent Parkhouse, earlier in the season, this away game immediately revives memories (for those of us old enough of course) of Scargill, Thatcher and the Miners' Strike of two decades ago. In deed, Saturday yet again got some of us debating the rights and wrongs of it and the "first hand contact" any of us had with those involved on either side. In my case this extended to little more than the "Dig Deep" buckets placed strategically around "Wezzie"-occupied tables in the Sandy Beaches Club at Kilnsea on a Saturday night, the regular "Socialist Workers" protests down Whitefriargate and City fans singing "We All Agree...Dockers Are Harder Than Miners" when playing any team whose supporters were remotely involved with the dispute!

Then of course there were the benefit gigs at the Adelphi and, nationally, the "Red Wedge" movement involving Billy Bragg and others. But the song that will always remind me of those days - and probably provides a more apt soundtrack to an away game at Thorne Colliery or any other ground in the heart of the ex-mining community - is the classic "Keep On Keeping On" by Eighties Socialist stompers Redskins.

But again I digress.

Like many teams in the CML Thorne Colliery FC is proud of its mining heritage. And a trip to any ex-mining club brings to view the drastic changes experienced since those days of 1984. At Church Warsop it was the boarded-up Miners Welfare Club; at Moorends it's the now barren waste land surrounding the ground that once, I presume, was a hive of industry.

Moorends is a very evocative setting. It has been home to a football club since 1929 and the grand old stand which forms one side of this still tidy venue probably dates from that same era. Some of the people who inhabit it revive memories of a much more recent time for watching football. Or rather, the stories I'd heard beforehand about them do...

Thanks to much pre-match hype, I approached last Saturday’s game at Moorends in pretty much the same way as my first ever visit to Millwall’s original home back in January 1984 i.e. although not particularly looking forward to it, I knew it was one I simply had to make.

Obviously not everyone felt the same. As I boarded the “Ezzie Fun Bus” there was a distinct absence of hitherto away day regulars – Jeff, Judy, Burt? Did they know something I didn’t?

Perhaps so. A South Normanton club official had used the term “animals” to describe some of Thorne's support, whereas Hutton Cranswick had been more discreet: “It’s a unique experience”.

As I joined driver Pete in the stand ten minutes before kick-off I must admit to wondering what all the fuss had been about. Aside from the travelling Mountain clan, Chav’s dad and Karl’s ‘Cleeve Community’, there was hardly a soul to be seen.

It wasn’t much busier by the time Gav’s neat finish brought me to my feet on 9 minutes, although in celebrating the goal I did happen to notice the beginnings of a “gathering” over my right shoulder.

Two minutes later I became the target of this gathering’s first collective “contribution” to the atmosphere; my crime involving having what's known in Easington as a “Doug Moment” (i.e. standing in anticipation of a goal only to see Farny’s shot drift just the wrong side of the post). My “Ye…aw!” prompted much merriment on the part of the hooded clan in the corner (and Pete the Driver!). “Siddown” and “Get to Specsavers” were among the only repeatable instructions aimed my way.
That was about as lively as it got before the break, even after Colliery’s 41st minute equaliser.
During the interval I spoke to programme editor Paul Hodgkins, one of several very amicable people involved with 'The Colliery'. I asked him about his side’s supposedly “unique” support. He replied, “This is poor today. There’s usually more on ‘em ‘ere than this”.
With the Magners and Carling working its magic, ‘The Colliery Boys’ in the stand stepped it up in the second half. Plenty of expletives, coupled with exhortations to “Snap ‘im in ayf!” helped raise the temperature a touch.
It went up another notch when ex-Goole man Fell’s second strike made it 2-1 on 65mins. But the home crowd's ardour was soon quelled as great work from Karl F, Mozza’s return shot and Farny’s finish brought me to my feet again two minutes later. “Is that all you bring away?” sang the home choir. Aye, it is this time. Hopefully when I return to Moorends more will choose to accompany me.
The game somewhat petered out to a draw after this, save for a few rash challenges, one on Jamie Cousins (aka "Simon Cowell") that almost snapped the youngster in two. Afterwards we retired to the Moorends Comrades Club where the food was a hearty mix of stew, chip shop chips and "proper buttered bread"! Unfortunately there wasn't a cask ale to be had...but you can't have everything.
A final touch of irony was reserved for when we left the club to board the bus. One of the most vocal members of the home crowd made sure he wasn't going to let us pass without adding a final observation: "Have a safe trip back, thar's played great today!"

The wind was blowing and the rain was lashing down as we headed back up a dark M18. It was a trip made for some of Morrissey's finest lyrics; instead we had Black Eyed Peas telling us "It's gonna be a good night". Perhaps it was.

Yorkshire Main tomorrow. Another side for the former coalfields. Ah sod it, I'm going for a bit more Mayer Hawthorne. Get on down.