"Eli-Eli-Eli-O"

Saturday 17th March
CML North Division
Thorne Colliery 0 Easington United 2

It never fails to irritate me how people in this country jump on the “Oirish” bandwagon for St Patrick’s Day.  Especially, when until very recent times, our own Patron Saint’s Day was largely ignored.

However, on walking through the doors of the Moorends Hotel this particular 17th March, even I got caught up in the spirit of those wearing daft oversize leprechaun hats and stupid bits of clover, all suitably adorned by the logo of that brewer of the black stuff.  It’s amazing what a win can do.

The week leading up to Paddy’s Day had also seen me enter my 47th year on God’s earth.  It was an occasion marked in suitably understated fashion with tea at The White Horse.  Good old fashioned pub grub is what Deb and Annie, new hosts at The ‘Oss, have on offer and on this evidence very good it is too.  Pity they haven’t got any cask ale back on yet though…

The main stand at Moorends never fails to impress me

A trip to Moorends would provide Mack & Nicho with their last chance to assess players before the upcoming cup quarter final against Dronfield.  Therefore the late cry-off of young Sam, half an hour before the 11.30am departure time, was the last thing required.

Once again, blue skies greeted the horn-tonking arrival of The Pistol up Hull Road.  This week we had the pleasure of an overdue return to the front seat for Shotgun Burt and, as could be predicted, we hadn’t reached our first pick-up at Patrington before sex – in thought not deed - had become the overriding topic of conversation.  Talk about “humpy old men”.

A largely uneventful trip down the M18 saw us arrive at Moorends a good hour and a half before kick-off.  Just as Nicho likes it.

Sam’s absence meant Eli retained a place alongside The Skip at the heart of our recently porous defence, while Killer and Tom were given the wide berths (one of which came at the expense of Frosty who perhaps paid the price for a couple of recent heavy Friday nights!).

Charlie struggling to overcome the trauma of his last visit

Meanwhile, an evening gig for Patty in Hull, which prevented him from travelling, prompted a return to the First Team for one Charles “Nzogbia” Holden. 

Keen to get off to a good start, Charlie was certainly quieter than on his last trip to this ground – that day his facial expression had gone from one of delight to that of absolute horror when realising that the only thing keeping Mozzer’s privates from being on parade during a pre-match jig was one of Charlie’s goalkeeping gloves!  

Our last visit to Thorne Colliery had come in the wake of their winning the Doncaster FA Cup.  They’d carried their feel-good factor into the weekend, tonking us 6-2.

As we arrived at the ground not quite a year on, our hosts were still in the same competition.  According to their manager they were awaiting the results of a County FA enquiry into their tie at Hemsworth Town, which had been abandoned.

“Why was that?” I asked.

“Cos all they wanted to do was ‘feet’ us”, came the South Yorkshireman’s reply.

“Feet” for fight is just the latest amusing example of the differing local dialects you come across in this league.  Our recent visit to Ollerton had provided a couple more – “orse” is your arse, while “arse” is your house.  Apparently.  I love regional accents, me.

Like a passing-out parade

The old grandstand at Moorends Welfare Ground is my favourite in the CML.  Sadly, the very vocal “Colliery Boys” who’d helped create such a memorable atmosphere on our first visit, no longer appear to come to games.

Instead there was a small gathering of locals towards the top end of the stand, with our own travelling band of half-a-dozen congregating behind the away dugout.

For much of the first 45 minutes, my main entertainment was provided by contents of the wonderful little hip flask given to me as a birthday pressie by the lovely Mrs Slush and engraved with three of the finest sporting logos in the world – the badges of Easington United, Hull City and Hull Kingston Rovers (if I was being pernickety I’d have also had the Yorkshire Rose thereon but never mind).

It was an opening half typical of that between two sides low on confidence and, dare I say, quality?  Thorne came closes when Scott Rhodes slid in to hit the post from Darren Fell’s cross.

Still, goalless at the break – we’d take that given that at the same stage last season we’d been four down!

Eli 'Threepenny-bit Head'

The half-time burger tasted even nicer for the fact The Pistol had bought it.  Things got even better fifteen minutes in when Robbie’s free-kick found its way to Gav and although the keeper did really well to beat away his shot, Eli was on hand to slot home Killer’s return.  One nil.  Get in!

The hosts should have been level within a minute as we switched off at a free-kick.  Bad miss that.  And we punished it when The Skip’s ball over the top put Rob in wrong-side of his marker and a cool finish ensured the points were coming back on the bus.

And not a “feet” in “seet”, excellent.

Two Zip

The full official match report can be found here, along with several more shots of the day, courtesy of Shotgun Burt.