Saturday 26th October
Central Midlands League North Division
Harworth
Colliery 2 Easington United 0
Big
Craig doesn’t normally do away games, preferring to remain at Low Farm with his
weighbridge and camera capturing the best of the County League action.
However,
today there was none – both the Reserves and Casuals were also on the road.
So, what
better way to prepare for your own “surprise” 50th birthday bash later that
night than bag a seat with the manager in Le Sumo Limousine and head for
Harworth? Well, aside from clambering
aboard the Pistol Pete Express, I would suggest there is none!
Talking
of being fifty, I’m glad to say I still have a few years left before I get
there (although I’m already on with planning the celebrations, which currently
involves a week touring the real ale hostelries of the Dales & Moors - I'll keep you all posted).
However,
I was made to feel all my forty-something years when discussing the relative
merits of various iPhone options with a young salesman in Hull last Sunday.
In
trying to show me the benefits of Deezer (which apparently is a music on demand service now
provided free with iPhones for Orange) the aforementioned salesman asked me to name an
artist.
“Be
careful, don’t embarrass yourself”, said Mrs Slush.
As
if. “New Order”, I offered.
His face
said it all. “New. Order.
Is that two words?” I couldn’t
believe my ears.
He typed
it into Deezer. “Hmm, ‘Blue Monday’, is
that a track by the New Order you mean?”
Mrs
Slush checked me before I exploded. “A track by the New Order you mean?” Only
the biggest selling 12-inch single of all time you fucking fuckwit fucker!”
“Yes” I
replied.
Mrs
Slush was still laughing as we left the store.
We both were, even more so when I said, “Imagine if it had been you
wanting the phone. What would he have
found for ‘Aqua’?”
 |
| New who? |
To think
we’re nearly into November yet this was the Pistol’s first trip of the season
behind the wheel. He was keen to make up
for lost time – by the time we left Hull bound for north Nottinghamshire, we’d
already had tales of his first initiation to the art of masturbation (obviously many moons
ago), played slalom with a pillar-box along Hedon Road and almost ram-raided a
drive-thru McDonalds in his desperation to find a toilet.
Oh yes,
The Pistol had hit the ground running...
We
travelled in remarkably high spirits given the fact Thoresby’s 2-0 win over us
the previous week had sent us back into the bottom two, today’s opponents
Harworth sat fourth in the table and we had a growing absence list.
Huteson,
Westoby and Wilson were all missing, while Frosty’s reported return to HPL side
Crown had certainly ruffled feathers.
Returning
to the ranks were last week’s "absent friends" Jammer and Lew, along with Bezza who was
over his previous week’s bug. Tom Mac’s
return to the first team fold ensured we would have 13 boys in maroon at
Scrooby, one of whom - "Running Man" JC - was in line for his 150th First Team appearance, so there!
They’d
given the ground a lick of paint since our last visit. If memory serves me this was done ahead of
the recent visit of Evo-stik League side Frickley in the Sheffield &
Hallamshire Senior Cup, a game the visitors edged by a solitary strike.
Harworth
had also been beaten the previous weekend, 3-2 at Brodsworth, a result that had
left manager Brendan Wilson questioning his players’ attitude in today’s match
programme. Hmm, might be interesting
should we score early, thought I...
Rob
Waite, aka ‘Davy Lamp’ from the excellent “66 POW” blog, was one of the first
people I bumped into, team sheet completion being just one of countless tasks
this very likeable character carries out on match day at Harworth.
Always good for an anecdote or two, spending
a game in Rob’s company can make the worst result almost bearable and was
another reason why the controversy of our game here last season was even more,
er, awkward for me.
 |
| Where's Brim when you need him? |
Just
prior to kick-off, as the referee's assistant was ensuring Brim Biglin's Harworth equivalent would have to sort his nets out, I received a text from Reserves manager Fozzy to tell me that
a Stumo Campbell goal had them tying 1-1 in the Premier Division basement
battle at Sculcoates. There was no
update from the Casuals’ game in Cottingham – never a good sign.
Harworth
had instigated a “kids go free” offer for today’s game (partly to stop them
clambering over the fence for free anyway, as Rob later acknowledged). Looking around the ground in the minutes
leading up to kick-off I couldn’t see any noticeable uptake – indeed it was
later confirmed as five having done so, out of an overall attendance of
33. Still, the club can’t be knocked for
trying.
In
addition to The Pistol and Burt-on-Bus, I was joined in the ‘away section’ by
the aforementioned Big Craig and our manager’s daughter ‘Katie McLicious’. With keeper Mad John having his own personal
band of supporters (well, there were two of them) in attendance and Mrs Wilks
& family there to encourage Paul, we were fairly well represented on a dull
but thankfully dry autumn afternoon.
 |
| And Graham must score... |
And we
began brightly. Although Mad John was
called upon to produce one early save, we were giving as good as we got and
forced a succession of corners. From one
of these, AG looked well-placed to justify the big build-up I’d given him...but
headed over.
Gav then
went through on goal, the defender grabbed his arm, Gav stayed on his feet and
got the shot away. The keeper
saved. Corner. Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s worth going
down.
Back
came Harworth and Mad John was twice called upon in quick succession, one save
in particular being excellent. We appeared
to have weathered the storm. Then
Harworth scored.
Frustratingly
it came from a throw-in to us, awarded well inside the home half. Unfortunately the throw found one orange
shirt who swept it upfield to another – tricky youngster Tomlinson – whose
cross was dispatched expertly by striker Tom Walker.
Sumo’s
mood was dark and would have been darker had Mad John not come to the rescue
again before the break. We retired to
the Hospitality area in Tom’s Tea Room relieved to be only one down.
 |
| All eyes on you John |
Over tea
and biscuits I received news of another Casuals defeat, 3-1 at Cottingham
Rangers, while Burt & Craig discussed buses in Malta. I jest ye not. It was a relief to get back out for the
second half!
After an
entertaining first 45 minutes the second period proved somewhat
disappointing. Mad John produced two
excellent stops in quick succession at the start of it, before the game became
bogged down into a scrappy, niggling affair on a pitch that was proving difficult
for both sides.
As with
the first half we had our moments and sub Lew came close to levelling matters
with a 20-yard free-kick that pinged against the home bar.
Having
seen the games against Clay Cross and Phoenix, I was well aware of the
most likely finish to this one. And so
it was; increasingly desperate attempts to make something happen resulting
in the careless loss of possession, which allowed Sam West to set up sub Ollie Chappell for the
killer second goal.
The
final few minutes witnessed a Sumo outburst that had Big Craig giving Katie McLicious
a look that said, “Could be an entertaining ride home!”
 |
| One Eastender with something to celebrate - JC's 150th |
Thankfully
the immediate post-match mood was positive enough and the lads were in good
form by the time we’d retired to the bar.
Indeed their mood was noticeably more jovial than that of the Potter
serving the food – his frown would give ‘Appy Barry a run for his money!
With
beers procured from the nearby Asda, we were soon on the way home and already
turning our thoughts to Saturday’s trip to Welbeck. However, I had more pressing matters to attend
to – like being one of those cramming into Easington village phone box, I mean, The Granby, to help the aforementioned Big Craig celebrate his impending Big Five-O.
They didn't play any New Order on Saturday night but I will rectify that error now, just for Andy at phones4u. I've purposely eschewed 'Blue Monday' in favour of this little gem...
Photos courtesy of 'The 66 POW' (Rob Waite) and Burt Graham.
Official match report can be read here.
Harworth match report (via 'The 66 POW' blog) can be read here.
