Wrong turn, white outcome...

Saturday 20th August
CML North

Easington United 3 DFS Welbeck Welfare 0

It was one of the most relaxing Saturday's I'd known.  The programme had been printed the night before, Mrs Slush had taken the Elder Slushette off to town for the day and the Younger daughter was a master of the ability to amuse herself without much input from Dad.

Thus, as Aggers and co described England's inexorable march at The Oval and the power of Twitter kept me abreast of events on a potentially season-defining day in the County Championship, I took in the warm August sunshine while reading David Starkey's passionate defence of his comments on what has become one of the most talked-about editions of Newsnight in recent times.  
It was the calm before the, well, navigational storm if you like!

"They've ended up where?..."

Picture the scene if you can.  It's 2.20pm that same Saturday afternoon, forty minutes before kick-off of our home game against Nottinghamshire side DFS Welbeck Welfare in the Central Midlands League North (note the last word!).  I'm sat in our grandiosely titled Hospitality Area, chewing the fat with opposition secretary Graham Hall, when in comes visiting Coach (and manager-for-the-day) Chris Bennett, immediately followed by the three match officials, all looking somewhat perplexed.

"Slight problem gents" says the aforementioned Bennett. "(delete expletive) for brains Tom Chambers and (delete expletive) for brains (followed by two other names that escape me) have just rung to say they're near Sunderland.  They're heading to the wrong Easington and won't be here until half past five..."

Then came the best bit: "...and they've got the kit!"

You couldn't make it up.  And I haven't.

And so began a hectic half-hour of panic phone calls, rejigging colours and amending team sheets before football could begin - ten minutes late - but with another satisfactory outcome for the Farm Faithful.

If in doubt...point!

In the event our lads loved the mix-up as it allowed a first wearing of the new away strip, sponsored by the local Patrington Garage.  It's white, well at least the shirts are, which as you can imagine has really pleased our laundry lady!

Gav proves he's all-white with his right an'all

Anyway, despite a stubborn effort from our visitors, the new kit was christened in winning style, courtesy of two Gav Thurkettle goals and a first for Jamie Hartley.  Further details of the game can be found here. 
You could say, it turned out all-white in the end...

Photos courtesy of Burt Graham

Gubbed

Tuesday 16th August
CML North
Westella & Willerby 6 Easington United 0
Wednesday 17th August
Friendly
Easington Utd Casuals 0 Patrington FC 5

The morning after our opening win dawned bright and there was a definite spring in my step as I cruised through the normally onerous task of cutting the grass and strimming the edges.

The day got better, courtesy of an afternoon/evening spent in the company of friends at a nearby party as well as news of a first ever Super League win at Odsal for Rovers.  As I retired for the night, even missing out on Matthew Rudd's Q Radio 80s show couldn't detract from what had been a first-rate weekend.

And there was so much to look forward to in the week ahead.  Tuesday's first CML game under lights would see us travel to new "local rivals" Westella & Willerby, while on the same night The Tigers - buoyed by a first win of the season at the weekend - were at "strife-torn" Leeds.  The following evening I'd have my first chance to catch sight of some of the new faces at the other end of our three-team set-up when Maccer's Casuals entertained Patrington in a friendly.  And on Thursday there was a rare bit of national TV exposure in the offing for my adopted Scottish club Hearts as they entertained Spurs in the Europa League.  I was almost giddy with anticipation...   

The warning signs began to appear on Monday with news that both Blounty and Frosty were set to miss the 'Ella game.  Two big players.  Two big misses.

A trawl through the footy message boards set the next round of alarm bells ringing - City fans almost falling over themselves in predicting not only a comfortable away win at Elland Road but indeed the start of a long struggle against relegation for "TWS".  I hadn't seen such over-confidence since Rovers' trip to play Hull at the KC Stadium in July 2010.

Thus there was a certain trepidation coming over me as along with Groundsman Brim and the Elder Slushette we headed off for the swanky new Sports Village facility at Bishop Burton College.  Burnsy confidently predicting a good night for the Tigers on Radio Humberside's Sports Talk only reinforced my feeling that the night would hold some unpleasant twists...
Westella & Willerby were the third club in the East Riding to attain FA Charter Standard Community Club status.  They did so in 2003 and now boast 23 teams.
Officially formed back in 1920, it's thought the club actually originates some ten or so years before that date.
The club were long-standing members of the East Riding County League, wherein they enjoyed success in the 60s.  A lean period in the 70s was followed by a move towards youth development and it is the results of this that have been shown so strikingly in recent years.
Founder members of the Humber Premier League in 2000, 'The Friesians' (a nickname originally earned due to their traditional black & white kit and their founder's favourite breed of cattle) made the switch to the CML in 2008/09.  Therein they gained promotion to the Supreme Division at the first attempt, finishing runners-up to Louth United.
Last season saw them in the mix for honours until a poor run-in evenutally cost them.

Despite having a spanking new(ish) facility at the Hill Top complex, 'Ella are unable to use it to accommodate their Central Midlands League side as the ground does not meet regulations.  Thus, for the past three years they've "rented" grounds at Blackburn Sports in Brough and, since last season, Bishop Burton College.
And at first viewing, the venue looks impressive enough.  A 4G pitch, two full-size grasspitches and all floodlit.  Streamlined buildings housing a nearby gymn and the not so nearby changing rooms, with the pitches themselves bordered on one side by trees and barriered off by wooden fencing, giving them a rustic feel in keeping with the setting.  Very nice - but at £3 entry, you'd perhaps want a bit more shelter come the winter months.
As it was a crowd in the region of 40 were present on a nippy late summer's evening to watch the first of the CML North Division's six East Riding "derbies".  Unfortunately, this one was to prove something of a one-sided affair, as my official match report explains.
If events unfolding in front of them weren't disappointing enough for the large contingent of Ezzie folk present, those of us with Tiger tendencies also had to stomach regular depressing updates from Elland Road as City crashed to a 4-1 defeat.  Bad Day at Black Rock sprang to mind!
Having the Elder Slushette with men meant I couldn't partake of the post-match hospitality on offer at the nearby pub, The Altisidora.  Shame as I've know it have some fairly decent guest ales on whenever I've called before.
Instead, we headed straight home to the accompaniment of the usual morons who call Radio Humberside at times like this.  Still, as bad as we were feeling, news of a 5-0 reverse for Grimsby Town in the Conference at Braintree put things into some sort of perspective.
The following evening it was a more laid back affair on offer at Low Farm where the Casuals entertained Sunday League side Patrington FC, a team that included several of our first and second-strings.
To their credit, Maccer's men gave a decent account of themselves up to the break and were a tad unlucky to walk off a goal down.
Unfortunately, the usual chopping & changing that accompanied friendlies meant a more disjointed Casuals display after the break and only some desperate defending and a string of excellent stops from the new triallist keeper kept the score down.
But if I thought that Wednesday would see the last of my week of drubbings I was mistaken.  No sooner had I parked myself in front of ITV4 the following evening, cushions plumped, glass charged and the first strains of, "H-E-A...R-T-S" ringing round the living room than Spurs had put this Europa League tie to bed.  A second 5-0 home defeat in as many nights.  Just what had I done to deserve this?

Thank Gav for that!

Saturday 13th August
CML North
Easington United 3 FC 05 Bilsthorpe 2

A red line.  An annoying red line, running the full length of every page towards the back end of the programme.  If that wasn't frustrating enough, the soundtrack to the hour or so spent copying them was the internet commentary of the Dullers strolling to an all-too-easy victory over Les Catalans in Super League.

It was Friday night.  Friday. Night.  At one time - admittedly many moons since - I wouldn't have been anywhere other than in a public house on a Friday night.  And even though those times have gone, I still wouldn't normally be seen anywhere near my place of work at such a time.

But here I was, shuttling between two deserted offices, taking freshly printed copies of our superb (even if I say so myself) 2011/12 match programme from the printer in one and collating them in another.  Yes, dear reader/supporter/player, this is the sort of commitment I currently give to Easington United Association Football Club.  Sad b______d.

As such, to have the finished copy carrying such an unsightly "scar" running through every issue really did leave me in something of a foul mood ahead of our season's opener the following day.

Thank Gav it didn't last.

In our short time in the CML FC 05, or FC 05 Bilsthorpe to give them their new, official moniker, have become something of a bogey side for us.  Three draws and a defeat in our four meetings thus far, meaning we had something to go at on a fine summer afternoon at the Farm.

Personable manager Neil Whitten and his lads were there in good time, enabling us to exchange many a pleasantry prior to kick-off.  Meanwhile, the new-look management set-up clicked into gear, with Nicho putting the lads through their paces, while Mack and Ian went to work plotting an opening day win.

To add to my dissatisfaction with the programme, our new kit was also taking that bit longer to arrive than first hoped.  Therefore, the trusty old Gazette number was once again laid out - to universal disapproval from the boys!

Our opponents were also unhappy with our colours - a potential clash had meant they too were donning a historic number (or "shit kit" as such items are generally referred to by players who believe they deserve better).

And so, at 1.55pm on Saturday, 13th August 2011 the players of Easington United and FC 05 Bilsthorpe emerged from the changing rooms to make their debut in the new Black Dragon North Division of the (Provisional) Step 7 Central Midlands Football League.  Ooh, what a mouthful. 

Never mind AG's header, Farny's down...penalty ref!

Unfortunately, for 45 minutes, it was difficult to interpret what we were watching as something "new".  As our lads huffed and puffed against well-organised opponents, a fairly turgid goalless half unfolded; with the notable exception of Frosty striking the bar, Chav missing a(nother) penalty and the problems caused by the visitors' new-look striking duo of Black and Prudance.

Half-time brought many of the healthy-sized opening crowd to the Tea Hut, where Judy began her nine-month-long impersonation of Private Hook fedning off the Zulus at Rorke's Drift.  Not surprisingly the main topic of conversation appeared to be the penalty.  I hoped this wouldn't be so at the end of ninety minutes.

Oops!

Thankfully it wasn't.  Further details of the action can be found here but, suffice to say, an entertaining second half was capped by a sublime winner from the boot of Gav.  In keeping with the quality that had gone before? Probably not.  Harsh on the visitors? Perhaps.  A good 3pts to win?  Oh yes. 

As I waited to settle up with our three match officials, news of the 3pts that Super Matty Fryatt had earned for The Tigers at Portman Road further fuelled the "feel good factor", as did a fine pint of Tetleys in the Granby.

It was just after 6pm when I arrived home, to be greeted by Mrs Slush, the Younger Slushette and a fish supper courtesy of Newton's of Patrington.  The unsightly red line on the programme was a distant memory.  Fish & Chips and 3pts at football.  Ee, life doesn't get much better than this...

Thanks to Burt Graham for the pictures

A Sunday stroll

Sunday 7th August - "The 20/20 Vision Walk"

I like walking.  In years to come when the Slushettes have flown the nest and Mrs Slush and I are looking for ways to spend a weekend (outside the football season of course!) I'd like to think we'll don our boots and rucksacks and head off to explore on foot some of the beautiful countryside this country has to offer.  With the prize of a pint or two of real ale available at journey's end of course.

In the meantime, events like this year's Club sponsored activity help sate my appetite for the great outdoors, albeit briefly. 

Two years after we assembled in Market Weighton for the start of the "Million Metre Meander", a smaller but similarly committed group of walkers (and one runner) met at the Country Park Inn, Hessle for another stroll along part of the Wolds Way.

As with the previous walk (and ideed the "Hugging The Coast Bike Ride" of a year prior to that) proceeds from the exercise were to be split between club funds and a worthy cause of our choosing.  For 2011 this was the Emily's Computer Appeal, set up in aid of Leven teenager Emily Bickerton who suffers from a genetic disroder known as Rett Syndrome.

As Emily's site explains, our thunder had been slightly stolen by news that the family's initial appeal target had already been reached.  This could have made things quite embarrassing given the publicity we'd already attached to it.  Thankfully, a quick chat between Fozzy and the Bickerton family and we had a new goal - to purchase one of the special stands which would enable the Tobii Eyegaze system to be sited at Frederick Holmes School without all the hassle of moving the one from Emily's home.

A slight hiccup on the funding front was not the only thing.  Patrington Cricket Club's clinching of a place in the Trident Cup Final and the unexpected early arrival of Kev Appleyard's second daughter meant both organisers were now scheduled to be away on the day of the walk!

In the event, thirteen of the original party were available for duty on the official date, with another six or seven pencilled in for a second date of Bank Holiday Monday, 29th August.

It was cool and dark as we assembled in the shadow of the Humber Bridge ahead of our venture.  Start time was 11.05am with an anticipated finish of "about tea-time".

Off we set with "Litvinenko" lookalike Smalley, who'd opted to run the route, soon disappearing into the distance...to return a few moments later: "I can't remember whether I've locked me car!"

Aside from a mix-up in North Ferriby, where the high tide meant the planned stroll along the low water path to join Long Plantation had to be aborted, the walk proved largely uneventful and very enjoyable.  The Beverley Twenty, as it is known, from Hessle to the Minster taking in Welton and Skidby en route, is a long-established walk and it's easy to see why it's so popular.
"Moderate" seems a fair description given a few steady climbs along the way.  However, aside from the inconvenience of crossing the A63 and the reported existence of a "troublesome" bull near Model Farm, there really is little to spoil one's enjoyment of this particular stroll.
Not that the weather didn't have a go.  Several squally showers did their best to dampen spirits, particularly around Skidby.  However, all this did was force us to seek temporary refuge in the Half Moon where a very nice pint of Copper Dragon Golden Pippin was quaffed while perusing the amount still left to cover.

In not the only improbable-looking sight of the day, as we set off again for part two of the walk one member of the group - Pasha - decided to partake of an ice cream from possibly the smallest ice cream van in the East Riding...and in steadily increasing drizzle!
Thankfully, the rain had stopped by the time we neared journey's end.  Indeed, when the Minster came into view it was amid the beginnings of a fine summer's evening.  We arrived at its doors at 5.27pm, which allowing for the half-hour spent in the pub and the number of five-minute supply stops taken en route, meant we'd completed the actual walk in just over five-and-a-half hours which wasn't bad going at all.  I later learned that Smalls had covered the route in just over three hours.  Top effort.

After the obligatory photocall we retreated to the Monks Walk where a couple of pints of Black Sheep passed my lips.  Nice.  Due to a mix-up on the logistics front, I was able to follow this with a fine The Young Rev (Brains) offering in The Green Dragon and a superb Tunnel Vision (Box Steam Brewing Co) in the Hare & Hounds at Burstwick.  A cracking way to end a cracking day.

A photo record of the walk can be found on the official club website.

Back from the brink

Friday 5th August - Holderness Cup Winners Cup Final
Hornsea Town 2 Easington United 3 (After Extra Time)

So, you plan a game so as to avoid the opening fixture of the "proper" football season (i.e. City's first match in The Championship), smile when that first fixture is an attractive looking home game against relegated Blackpool, then "bloody Sky" go and shift it to the same date as your aforementioned match.  Grrrr.

Having got over that initial frustration, you find that the venue you've originally selected for your game (which is deemed of decent distance between both teams so as to be able to be called "home" by our opponents whilst still being easily accessible for you) is made available only on condition that you prepare it yourselves!  Double Grrrr.

Finally, you're then told by a member of one of the committees responsible for your game that you can't actually play it as your opponents' participation in it has been called into question by other parties. Triple Grrrr. 

You're confused aren't you? Well then, in a rather large nutshell...

Who needs Hull City v Blackpool?

The Holderness Cup Winners Cup is the meeting of the South Holderness Cup and Tanton Cup winners.  It takes place annually as part of pre-season and, even in its relatively short life, has already established a reputation for being a bit of a "last minute job" arrangements-wise!  
This year I therefore decided to grasp the nettle (given that our participation in it meant it would have a bearing on our whole pre-season schedule) and fix a date for early August that would avoid a clash with the Tigers.  That was Mistake Number One.

Secondly, as there had been no Tanton Cup competed for at the end of the 2010/11 season (for reasons we won't go into) it was automatically assumed that Hornsea Town - as holders of not only the Tanton Cup from the previous year but also the Holderness Cup Winners Cup by virtue of their 2010 win over Hedon Rangers - would be our opponents.  That was Mistake Number Two.

And finally, given the fact it was the turn of north Holderness to host the fixture and given the identity of the two finalists, what more obvious venue than Aldbrough thought I?  None.  That was Mistake Number Three. 

I needed some solutions.

Men on a mission

Date - nothing doing.  Both teams were happy with it and let's face it, I miss enough Hull City matches as it is nowadays, one more wouldn't make a difference.

Opponents - sorted.  While I was in Glapwell attending the CML pre-season meeting, back in Holderness the Tanton Cup Committee were holding a Special General Meeting at which Hornsea's place in the final was rubber-stamped.

Finally the venue - switched to North Frodingham.  In fairness to the people at Aldbrough it appears that had we pursued the use of their ground everything would have been prepared for us beforehand and free of charge.  For that I can only say thanks.  Unfortunately, lack of clarification over this matter had prompted a switch to a ground used by Hornsea for their third team games and - perhaps more significantly - the venue for our only previous meeting in this particular final back in 2007.
Thus, as the saying goes, "all's well that ends well".  A cracking evening, picturesque venue, superb game of football and - from an Easington perspective - the right result all combined to ensure the day went well.  You can catch the match details here.
Unfortunately, certain aspects of the game ensured there was bitter aftertaste among some of our opponents, both at the immediate post-match presentation and in the excellent post-match confines of The Blue Post pub (where I enjoyed a fine pint of Wold Gold while tucking into a fine post-match buffet which even the Elder Slushette appeared to enjoy...and she doesn't do "savoury things").

Some people are (almost) on the pitch...

From a couple of conversations I had with Town players, I think (hope?) that deep down it was the letting slip of a game of which they were in complete control rather than the non-brandishing of a red card that was the real cause of frustration among their ranks.  Perhaps I'm wrong.

On the short drive from the ground to the Blue Post I'd flicked on Radio Humberside at the most inoppportune moment - Burnsy's commentary of a stunning Gary Taylor-Fletcher strike that would eventually prove the difference at the KC Stadium.  Hmm, perhaps scheduling the games for the same date wasn't such a bad idea after all...  

Photos courtesy of Colin Brammer & Burt Graham. Further shots of the final from Colin are available here 

What happened to pre-season?

Wednesday 27th July - friendly
Easington United 2 East Riding CFA Juniors 1
Saturday 30th July - friendly
Easington United 2 Long Riston 0
Monday 1st August - friendly
Easington United An.XI 2 St Andrews 0

It's quite ironic that as the pre-season programme shifted up a gear, I shifted out of the area.  A mini-break "darn sarf" meant I missed out on the annual meeting with the East Riding County Juniors Rep side, while attendance at a CML Meeting ensured I passed up a first viewing of the new Stiffs management's first game in charge.

Having been heartily encouraged by the opening game effort against HPL champions Sculcoates, I set off to Old Windsor ("home to the Anglo-Saxon Kings of England") buoyed further by news of a couple of possible "new faces" in the side for the midweek meeting with the County Rep side.

And as I retired to the superb Beaumont Estate Hotel - accompanied by Mrs Slush, two very tired Slushettes and a KFC Bargain Family Bucket following a fantastic first day at Legoland - it was with spirits further lifted by confirmation that both had played in the night's 2-1 success.

All thrills & spills when the County Juniors come calling

I took a more detailed account of the night's events over breakfast the following morning; it had been the usual fast-tempo affair against some of the brightest young talent in the County.  Steve Harrod - back in an Ezzie shirt for the first time in three years - had netted a fine first and after the Juniors had cashed in on a Charlie error late on, Andy Martin had snatched the win with a very late penalty.

Both the aforementioned "King Harrod" and fellow new face "Sammo" had enjoyed the game and hopes were high that both would decide to sign for the coming campaign.  I departed for a day on the Pirates Landing, the Viking Rafts and the Atlantis submarine in extremely good spirits.

The King is back...but for how long?

By time I'd returned to the Humber Riviera, things had moved on a touch.  For a start the "King" had since decided against a return to Low Farm, while our other possible new recruit had cricket, a wedding and holidays to occupy his thoughts before turning attention to what his winter sporting pursuits would be.
And so it was a relatively familar side that took to the field against HPL Division 1 side Long Riston for our final home friendly of pre-season.

It's like playing against the Argies...

On a glorious afternoon the visitors provided just the sort of stubborn test required to bring everyone back down to earth after the fine performances that had preceded it.  Indeed it wasn't until Bezza and Frosty struck inside the last five minutes that Riston's spirit was broken.
Monday saw Stiffs management duo Danny Medforth and Lee McGeachy get their first taste of dugout action as the "Reserves" (as if you can term them that before the season actually starts?) entertained newly promoted HPL Premier Division outfit St Andrews.

Back home - the "dynamic duo"!

As with the previous midweek fixture, I was unable to attend due to other commitments; which in this case involved sitting in a sweltering Glapwell Community Hall for the CML Special General/Pre-Season Meeting.  Not my first choice of how to spend Yorkshire Day!
A phone call to Meddy at conclusion of the meeting gave me a brief report of what had been a very heartening night for the Stiffs' new boss.
Shane Keyworth and Jimmy Dawson had made their anticipated returns to the ranks following a spell at Withernsea and shared a goal apiece in a 2-0 win.
So, four friendlies, four positive results.  Next up, the Holderness Cup Winners Cup Final...

Most photos here courtesy of Burt Graham

A touch of the Continentals

The European Cup Winners Cup may be long consigned to memory but the Holderness Cup Winners Cup is alive and kicking - in North Frodingham!

After three "friendly" run-outs we go to the edge-of-the-Yorkshire Wolds village of North Frodingham this evening to contest the fifth Holderness Cup Winners Cup Final, against Hornsea Town.  However, this year's annual meeting of the Tanton (North Holderness) Cup winners and their South Holderness Cup counterparts almost didn't happen.  Check back next week for further details of why, but in the meantime why not get down to the North Frodingham Playing Fields tonight to see what should be a decent game of football...

Happy Yorkshire Day!

I, Slush of Easington, being a resident of the East Riding of Yorkshire declare: That Yorkshire is three Ridings and the City of York, with these Boundaries of 1135 years standing; That the address of all places in these Ridings is Yorkshire; That all persons born therein or resident therein and loyal to the Ridings are Yorkshiremen and women; That any person or corporate body which deliberately ignores or denies the aforementioned shall forfeit all claim to Yorkshire status.These declarations made this Yorkshire Day 2011. God Save the Queen!”