A sign of the times

My recent piece for the Holderness Gazette regarding the current state of local grassroots 11-a-side football...

An endangered pastime?

Last week’s news that Withernsea AFC had folded their first team with immediate effect was perhaps the most serious sign yet that grassroots football in this area is experiencing real problems.

Having been involved with the local game for 25 years and a member of the South Holderness Cup committee for the past decade, I have witnessed an ongoing decline in both the number of teams and available players. 

The loss of the “traditional” village team has accelerated in recent years, ironically partly as a result of the FA’s Charter Standard programme, which was devised in order to strengthen the game at grassroots level. 

By asking clubs to raise standards, the FA were effectively signalling a move away from the familiar “one man band” to more multi-team operations, with qualified personnel at all levels.

The positive knock-on effect was that players wanting to try and progress were encouraged to join clubs offering such opportunities, along with better facilities for their use.  Unfortunately, to those just wanting a kick-about every Saturday, the options were suddenly more limited. 

It would now appear that there is a shortage of players in both categories. 

No matter how good the facilities on offer or the standard of football open to them, you cannot force today’s generation to actually want to play the game.  And when a town the size of Withernsea, with a thriving junior section acting as an in-built production line, feels it can no longer field three open-age teams on a Saturday afternoon, the alarm bells ring for all of us.

For me, Saturday afternoon has always been the focal point of the weekend, whether that be when following Hull City up and down the country in the 1980s or playing for Easington during the following decade.  “Match day” was something to be looked forward to and whatever the result we would ensure that it was re-examined over a few pints that night.

So, why is there such apparent apathy to grassroots football?

Some blame the amount of Saturday counter-attractions.  Certainly, Hull City’s recent success can be seen to have had some effect, as can wall-to-wall TV coverage, which now incorporates foreign broadcasts on a Saturday afternoon along with Sky’s successful Soccer Saturday format.  People are more inclined to watch football, be it live, at home or down the pub rather than don the boots to play themselves.

Then there are the current licensing laws, which often result in the weekend becoming one long party with a game of football relegated low down on the list of priorities.  

The growth of midweek five-a-side leagues has also had an effect as this gives would-be players their “fix” without impinging on their weekend. 

Finally, throw in the rise of the play-station generation with their reported aversion to outdoor activities and you can perhaps see why we now appear to have a dwindling number of lads actually playing “the beautiful game” on a Saturday afternoon.   

Withernsea are not the first to take drastic action as a result of the above issues.  Sadly it’s likely they’ll not be the last.  Hornsea Town were reported to have issues pre-season, Roos have struggled to field a full complement on a weekly basis and at Easington we had a well-documented summer beset by problems.  Indeed it is still by no means a certainty that we will see the season out in our current three-team format; although there is definitely a determination on the part of the committee to do so.

It all comes down to personal choice – and at the moment it would appear that many of the potential footballers of Holderness would rather be anywhere else than lining up to kick-off at two o’clock on a Saturday afternoon.

   

So that was November...

Saturday 23rd November

Central Midlands League North Division

Easington United 4 Ollerton Town 1

There are times when even I have to accept that football is not headline news.  There are times when “The Beautiful Game” must take a back seat to other events going on in the world.  And I hold up my hands and acknowledge that this is one of them...

Just what did one of this country’s biggest sporting icons of the Eighties, Steve ‘The Nugget’ Davis – six times World Professional Snooker champion, soul music aficionado and saviour of ‘Voices From The Shadows’ magazine – think he was doing parachuting into the Australian jungle with the likes of Joey Essex?  How has it come to this?  In what times we live.  Cuh.

But I digress.

Against Ollerton Town we gained only our second win of the season.  Admittedly there was a touch of fortune involved, the visitors’ losing defender Bowler for the foul on Gav from which Lewis levelled matters via the penalty spot just before the break.

For a time afterwards we struggled to make the extra man count but when Sam H was felled by keeper Sprigg and Lew doubled up from twelve yards, the old swagger returned.

Sam himself got in on the act late on before Lew capped things with a fine solo effort that completed his hat-trick and a 4-1 win.

As I’ve suggested before, home games aren’t necessarily the most interesting topics blog-wise – they can easily just turn into a re-hash of the “official” match report.  This one did have its moments though, not least when objections were raised to the Ollerton goalkeeper’s refusal to retrieve a ball from just yards behind the Seaside End goal.

“Gerron you lazy b@stard!”

“Why?  You don’t see Robin Van Persie going for balls...”

“’Robin Van Persie’?  When did he play for Ollerton?”

As the game wore on and the visitors’ frustration with the performance of the referee grew, such light-hearted exchanges between both sets of supporters became few and far between.

No matter, we had finally completed a second win of the season, now to go on an unbeaten run...

Match report & excellent pics by Burt can be found here and on our club Facebook page.

Ollerton's report - if any ever appears - will be found on their club website.

Saturday 30th November

Central Midlands League North Division

Thorne Colliery 1 Easington United 0

It would be easy to say that the feel-good factor inspired by the win over Ollerton was ended just one week later, courtesy of the defeat at Thorne Colliery.  But it would be quite wrong to do so.

For despite a poor first half display that ultimately proved our downfall, there were plenty of signs in the game that the current campaign could yet turn out to be a positive one.

Thorne are this season’s surprise package.  They came into this game in fourth place and with only two defeats in 13 league games.  Their ten wins have been built on a solid defence, the best in the competition, having conceded only 12 goals thus far.

At the other end they’ve only scored 31 goals, 10 of which have come from leading scorer Ross Ebbage.  He took this tally to 11 in the game’s decisive moment, which came on 35mins when we were yet again punished for coughing up possession in our own half.

We were much improved after the break, without really creating anything clear-cut; that is until 12 minutes from time when Hutch – employed as Sam Mc’s latest central defensive partner – picked out Stef Radley with a great diagonal but “Lenny” could only steer his shot wide of the far post.

At the other end Thornse struck the woodwork twice more as we were constantly caught out pushing for the equaliser.  But further goals would have been harsh on the lads, their improvement second half being deemed worthy of a point by several observers post-match.

The fine old stand at Moorends Welfare, a tasty half-time burger and some cracking post-match nosh in the Moorends Hotel contributed to another away day that was to be enjoyed...despite no return in terms of points.

My official match report & Burt's pics can be found here and on our Facebook page.

The home report that appeared in the Thorne Times can be read here.

Lost in Kinsley

Saturday 16th November

Central Midlands League North Division

Kinsley Boys 5 Easington United 1

Kinsley is a place I’ve now been to twice and have got lost on both occasions!  Unfortunately, whereas on the first occasion I was only in charge of navigation for one car out of five (and had allowed extra time for the Bank Holiday Monday trip) this time I was Navigator-in-Chief of the “Pistol Pete-less Express” driven today by Shotgun Burt. 

So as we completed what appeared to be our third circumnavigation of the “Pontefract Triangle” with less than an hour to go before kick-off I admit to feeling slightly anxious...especially as I looked at the AA Route Planner in front of me and the iPhone sat-nav passed my way by one of the players and both appeared to be telling me different things!

Two hours later I was thinking we may have been better off having never actually located the Kinsley Timber Stadium! 

In truth, this scoreline does not tell the whole story.  As affable home secretary Andrew Rollin said afterwards, “You’ve hammered us second half and we’ve won 5-1!”

The more I thought about this – and the game in general – on the way home, the more I started to feel reassured about this season.  Now that may sound daft given the well-publicised pre-season problems and a run of results that currently sees us sitting second-bottom of the table.

Certainly the mood among the squad would appear positive enough.  In the immediate aftermath of the game, Biggie Smalls took it upon himself to conduct a post-match discussion as to where we thought, collectively, we could improve things.  He also set about reassuring his team mates that they had not been as bad as the scoreline would suggest and that the margins between continued setbacks and an upturn in fortunes continue to get finer.  He made some valid points.

"GerratimSam" as he's now known

On a pitch that played better than it looked, we had gifted our hosts two of the three first half goals that effectively decided the game.

Poor Willow’s rushed clearance that cannoned back off Dave W to home striker Josh Stacy for the first set the tone on 8mins. 

Having lost just two games thus far, Kinsley are a side enjoying their return from a one-year switch to the Sheffield & Hallamshire League and they certainly didn’t need gifts like we were presenting.

Just past the half-hour Tom Mc pulled up with a hamstring injury as he chased a ball into touch.  Amid the confusion this loss created, we struggled to defend the ensuing throw-in ad the ball sat nicely for player/manager Craig Rouse whose well-struck shot took a slight deflection and flew over Mad John into the far corner.

Stella Cidre - reasonably priced - available HERE!

The third looked farcical – Joe Gorner’s in-swinging corner simply dropping directly in for 3-0 on the stroke of half-time.  Gorner direct from a corner – a headline writer’s dream!

Thankfully there was still time for Dave W to fire us back into things and, encouragingly, we had shown signs towards the end of the half of being capable of causing our hosts problems at the back.

As I accompanied the unfortunate Tom to the changing rooms, I overhead the aforementioned Rouse conducting his half-time team-talk.  He was telling his players that we were trying to spray the ball about but were not good enough to do so.

Hmm, I think the second half proved him wrong.  We produced some lovely football as we immediately put Kinsley on the back foot.  And with the only upshot of Tom’s departure being the welcome return to the fold of Hutchie, we suddenly looked a threat at set-pieces again.

The returning Hutch had already gone close twice when JC was felled in the box; penalty!  
Some pointed towards our new man but Sumo didn’t wish to see another mistake of the Sherwood type.  Up stepped Willow – our only successful taker at North Cave and regular spot-kick man at previous club Withernsea.  He went to Joburns’ left.  Unfortunately so did Joburns – penalty saved.

He'll miss this

Willow later said it was his first miss in ten years.  He also said Hutch had admitted that he’d have gone the same way.  I think it provided him with some small consolation!

Two minutes later Hutch’s header from Sam Mc’s free-kick crashed against the Kinsley bar.  As Biggie Smalls commented moments later: this is not going to be our day!

He was right.  We enjoyed more possession, more half-chances and a couple of other near-misses but the two-goal cushion remained...and was then extended.

Willow’s day was to be consigned to the box marked “One to forget” as his attempted flicked clearance from a Kinsley breakaway sat up nicely for sub Jack Owen to volley home.

In injury time he was then out-muscled by Rouse who proceeded to take his season’s tally past the twenty-mark and consign us to our joint-heaviest defeat of the season.

  

All a bit of a blur really (Burt's camera doesn't do floodlights)

Helped by reasonably priced cans of Stella Cidre in the hosts’ smart clubhouse and Smalley’s earlier words of wisdom, there was still an upbeat mood about the lads as we tucked into the post-match buffet.  And this continued on the way home where much of the conversation focused on the future (the average age of the current squad is only about 24).  The way that some of them spoke there would clearly appear to be plenty of scope for optimism.  Now, if only we could string a couple of wins together...

Match report and more blurred pictures can be found here and on our Facebook page.

Cave In

Saturday 9th November
East Riding County FA Senior Cup R2
North Cave 2 Easington United 2
(At 90mins Cave won 4-1 on pens)

Once again our interest in the various East Riding County FA Cup competitions is over by the second round stage.

The second weekend in November is the traditional time for us to remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in the service of their country.  In recent years it has also become the weekend in which we lament the end of our County cup hopes for another year!

Following the Reserves’ first round exit from the Senior Country Cup and last week’s defeat for the Casuals in the Qualifying version, the First Team made its by now customary exit against Humber Premier League opponents in the Senior competition.

And so yet again there’ll be no appearance for us on BBC Radio Humberside’s live quarter final draw.

But there should have been.  For despite travelling to Church Street with another depleted squad, sitting just a point clear of the bottom following our worst league result in recent times and facing a team riding high in their respective Step 7 competition, we should really be celebrating a place in the last eight for the first time since 2008.

Anybody actually at the game (and I acknowledge that this figure doesn’t stretch much beyond the players and management of both teams) may wonder how I come to this conclusion given the amount of possession and shots on target enjoyed by our hosts.

It is because with less than ten minutes left we were sitting as comfortably as one can when you’re holding a one goal lead and seeing little of the ball.

For all their possession and territorial advantage, Cave appeared to have virtually run out of ideas.  They were reduced to shots from all range and angles, few of which appeared to seriously trouble Mad John between the sticks.

Manager Sumo had used his depleted bench prudently, taking off veterans Gav and Wilky and tweaking the shape to accommodate Smalls and new boy Wicksy, and we appeared on course to close things out.  Then Cave equalised.  But I’m getting ahead of myself... 

Perhaps not presenting Church Street in quite its best light?

I have always liked North Cave as a venue – and this despite us having a pretty poor record there in all the time I’ve been involved with Easington. 

Admittedly, it’s a ground I hadn’t been too for many years prior to Saturday’s visit.  Our last game there at First Team level was back in October 2000, during the inaugural season of the Humber Premier League.

We’d arrived at Church Street winless after five games but proceeded to break our duck with a particularly gutsy 4-2 success.  Our goals were scored by Glenn Ratcliffe (2), Kenny Knott and Gavin Thurkettle, three residents of Patrington Haven – a fact I remember due to my use of the headline “First win is Haven sent” in that Thursday’s Gazette.  Eh, there’s a lot of thought goes into this sports reporting malarkey y’know!

Despite winning the inaugural League Cup, Cave resigned from the HPL at the end of that first season and were forced to make something of a circuitous route back in.  Benefitting from the demise of a team at nearby Brough, the current Cave team began as the Reserves string playing in the County League.

Returning to the HPL in Division 1 a few years later, the club eventually gained promotion to the Premier Division in 2010/11, as runners-up to Beverley side Hodgsons.

The following season they finished fourth in the top flight and after a seventh place last season look on course for another decent campaign this time round.  Despite an eye-catching 0-5 home defeat by Hedon Rangers the previous weekend, they currently occupy a top three position, behind evergreen heavyweights Reckitts and reigning champions Beverley Town. 

To be saved for later...or so I thought

When re-entering the ground over a decade on from that last visit, I was quite amused to see that the only change would appear to be the situating of a couple of dugouts.  So much for year-on-year progress as set out at the original meeting back in July 2000.

On the plus side, the ground boasts a very tidy clubhouse inside which can be found Sky TV (the Reading v QPR match was on live as we arrived).  Of more immediate interest to me was the sight of a hand-pump bearing the pin for Great Newsome Pricky Back Otchan.  Oh yes, that’ll do nicely for later thought I... 

All the times I recall playing against North Cave teams our opponents wore red.  Not anymore.  As they went through their pre-match routine within yards of the clubhouse it was in a rather natty all-orange affair.  According to the lad who seemed to be in charge of the bar, it was bought last season and he agreed it was a break with tradition.

“About time we broke with tradition too”, said Burt-on-Bus whilst admiring QPR’s bottle and gold affair.  “Summat like that would be nice”.

“Shut up you idiot” was my reply.

I was disappointed to hear that Cave no longer attract the crowds they used to.  Similar to us it would appear numbers have dwindled in tandem with the loss of local players, despite the quality of football improving. 

“There’s only three or four lads live in Cave now.  We’ve even had to move the training to South Hunsley”, our barman informed us.

I told him that was similar to us in terms of pulling players in from far and wide; and he wouldn’t believe me if I tried to explain the situation with our training at the moment! 

Lest We Forget

Both teams lined up pre-match to observe a minute’s silence.  It was impeccably observed save for the sound of a ball being kicked against a wooden hut near the pavilion by a youngster with his back to what was going on.

It reminded me of other unfortunate ‘silence breakers’ – like the ice cream van at Hessle Rangers on the corresponding afternoon last year or Pistol Pete whistling away to his heart’s content when stepping out of the tea hut at South Normanton a few years back – blissfully unaware that just a few yards away two teams, match officials and both sets of management and supporters were stood in silent memory of a player tragically killed in a recent road accident.  Ooh, it took him a while to live that one down! 

Wilky Woo!

At kick-off there were barely twenty spectators lining the near roped-off touchline, almost half of whom were supporting the Eastenders.

Initially it looked like we could be in for a long afternoon as the hosts, obviously chastened by their last result, started like men on a mission.

Crisp passing and good movement immediately opened us up and Chris Short struck the bar inside the first two minutes.

A goal looked on the cards and arrived on quarter of an hour; another decent move being capped by Ozzie Marsden’s low shot into the corner.

Thankfully we didn’t crumble and we enjoyed a decent spell of possession.  This in turn yielded a few corners and the odd half-chance, one of which Tom Mac headed powerfully but unfortunately straight at keeper Matt Johnson.

The unfortunate Johnson was then to take centre-stage.

First he made an awful hash of dealing with a backpass, which allowed Wilky to level with the simplest of goals.

The Cave keeper was then left floundering at his near post as JC’s thumping right foot strike took him totally by surprise.  Nearly half the game gone and we led 2-1.

The hosts threatened to level matters by the break.  Marsden headed over the top, while Short’s attempts to cap another flowing Cave move were thwarted by fine reactions from Mad John.  Half-time arrived with us having one foot in the quarter-finals...

JC celebrates what should've been the winner

Tempted as I was to sample the aforementioned Pricky Back Otchan during the break, I opted for a hot cuppa instead and settled down to watch some of the England v Fiji rugby league world cup encounter from the KC while, just a few yards away, Sumo and AG were no doubt urging their players to get tighter to their opponents in order to secure a morale-boosting win.

And this they did to some extent.  Although it was the hosts who made all the running, our back four coped admirably most of what came their way.  Meanwhile, we had numerous chances to make things happen on the counter – leaving most of us thinking what could have happened had the speedy Sam Huteson not been a morning withdrawal.

All around me the news was bad.  The Stiffs were losing at home to Wawne in the County Premier.  City had shipped three inside the opening half-hour at St Mary’s.  But at Church Street we continued to hold out.

With just eight minutes remaining we forced a throw-in up near the right corner flag in the Cave half of the field.  I distinctly remember shouting out for someone, anyone to squeeze up as the hosts were allowed to take it unopposed.

Within seconds the ball was launched upfield.  For almost the first time that afternoon Sam Mac was beaten to it and moments later sub Tom Moss had lifted the ball over John and into the net; 2-2.

I think we all knew then what the outcome of today was going to be.

A couple of promising positions came to nought in the dying moments and at the final whistle referee Chris Hitchcock called both captains to him to announce that due to the poor light the tie would be determined by penalties.  The feeling of foreboding went up another notch.

Up stepped Short, a standout player all game, and although John went the right way it was 1-0.

Willow strode forward and calmly tied things up.  Never doubted.

Damen McMahon emphatically restored the hosts’ lead before Biggy Smalls emphatically lifted his effort over the bar.  Advantage North Cave.

It was 3-1 thanks to Aaron Malton and when Johnson guessed correctly to deny Stef the hosts were nearly there.

No.16 Jason Crisp applied the coup de grace with the by now obligatory “Pirlo pen” and our County interest was at an end.

As I trudged back to the clubhouse I assured myself that solace would be found in a pint of Pricky Back.  The guy in front of me at the bar had the same idea...

“Sorry, we’ve none left.  We had a run on it on Bonfire Night”

It summed up the day – and our fortunes in the County cups perfectly: all gone!   

Match report and Burt’s pictures can be found here and on our Facebook page.

A belated Halloween Horror Story

Saturday 2nd November
ER County League Premier Division
Easington Utd Reserves 0 Walkington 4

The Slush Family attended a little soiree last Saturday night, organised as part of the current trend for celebrating ‘All Hallows Eve’. 
Perhaps not surprisingly, I'd only "entered into the spirit (apt!) of things" under protest.  To Mrs Slush & the Slushettes my dislike of Halloween simply reinforced my status at home as “Chief Misery Guts”.  
It's that time of year when I really come into my own in this regard.  There's Hull Fair (“a waste of money; full of chavs”), the half-term School Disco (“you can go with your mum can’t you?  Anyway, football’s on telly...”) and of course there's Trick or Treat (“it’s glorified begging...and don’t expect me to answer the door here neither!”).  Refusing to partake of any of these all adds to the “Grumpy” image I positively revel in.  As Mrs Slush is keen to point out - the spirit of Scrooge lives on all year round in our house.
Thankfully, I found myself not alone in my discomfort and found a particularly willing fellow anti-Halloween dissenter in my sometime drinking partner Fuller.
Aside from an age-old rivalry on the local football front, Fuller and I tend to agree on many things, including a love of real ale and as we sat there, resplendent in our horror-themed fancy dress (I know, I know...), supping pints of “Sleck Dust” from award-winning local Great NewsomeBrewery, we came to the conclusion that only one source was to blame.

“More bloody Americanisation”, we agreed.

Similar to the way the indigenous red squirrel has been all but done for by its American grey cousin, another British institution is under threat as the craze to do all manner of things with pumpkins now threatens to completely eclipse Bonfire Night.  
At this rate we'll be relegating Christmas in favour of Thanksgiving next...   

This year's Halloween number

Perhaps my dislike of Halloween is because I used up my taste for all things ghoulish during the countless nights I spent at Hull’s legendary Spiders nightclub during the Eighties.  A late-night haven mainly for Goths, post-punks and sub-cults of all forms (and with a soundtrack to die for) it was a dark, brooding but, all the same, very enjoyable place.  And you can forget Halloween fancy dress – in Spiders there really WERE some sights to send shivers down your spine! 

My “Spiders Years” coincided with a penchant for 1950's schlock horror flicks (“Attack of the 50ft Woman” or “I Was A Teenage Werewolf” anyone?) and a love of bands like The Meteors and The Cramps that first brought vampires, werewolves, human flies and even goo-goo muck cascading into my life. So as you see, I’m almost Halloween’d out!

My costume was better than that!

At any rate the real horrors for me this Halloween occurred on the football field and not on 31st October.  And I’m not talking about Kyle Walker’s “challenge” on Stephen Quinn during Hull City’s heartbreaking penalty defeat in their League Cup tie at Spurs.  Nor am I referring to the "joke" penalty that had decided the league game between the two teams the previous Sunday; nor the “Gareth Barry Show” in the 2-1 defeat at Everton a week earlier.  All of which reminded me just why I got so exasperated by the Premier League last time the Tigers were in it. 

No, outdoing even these moments in terms of sending shock-waves through my system was the phone conversation with First Team boss Sumo at ten to four last Saturday afternoon, during which he informed me of a one nil defeat at the hands of bottom club Welbeck Welfare.  A real seasonal low point if ever there was one.

A sort of Theatre Of Dreams

Thankfully, the lack of minibus and the aforementioned commitment to a Halloween/Fireworks party had prevented me making the trip to Meden Vale's own Horror Show.

Not that my afternoon at Low Farm had proved much more uplifting.  
Although there was plenty of heart on show in the Reserves’ display against a Walkington side that again included Hull City Wembley hero Dean Windass, a resounding 4-0 defeat ensured the Stiffs would spend the week at the foot of the Premier Division. 

Meanwhile, across the ditch, the Casuals were given a doing by holders Barmby Moor in the second round of the East Riding Qualifying Cup.  Manager DC wore a look of complete despondency in The Granby afterwards.

Horror tackle? No but Willo's in the pink!

The tracksuit had come out of retirement that afternoon as I took on the role of assistant to temporary manager John Clarke for the aforementioned Stiffs v Walkington match.  This was due to injury and a pre-arranged date with The Pigeon Detectives in Leeds ensuring caretaker-boss Foz’s absence.  For once the afternoon began with a little bit of optimism as we actually lined up with subs – two of them.  However, by half-time this option had been halved thanks to injury across the ditch to a Casuals side reduced to eleven men by yet another no-show this season.  The lack of commitment among today’s youth is really, really depressing but I’ll perhaps rant about that another time...

Twister!

With hindsight, the decision to let Steve Jam hop across the ditch to replace the injured Pat was a mistake.  The Casuals were already five down by the break and their cup hopes were going the same way as countless Guy Fawkes effigies.  And we could have done with another option off the bench.

Having fallen a goal behind after just two minutes – Lewis Palin (son of Walkington boss and former Tigers favourite Leigh) being allowed the freedom of the Farm to slot past Pagey – we’d hit back well up to the break.

With veteran duo Stivvy and Stu asserting some control at the back, Wicksy orchestrating things from midfield and makeshift front pair Shane and Willo working their socks off, we managed to put Walkington on the back foot.  Unfortunately the one chance that mattered wouldn’t come. 

I was a teenage Windass

For his part Mr Windass mixed patches of quality - ghosting in and out of positions – with a less desirable approach to officialdom.  Not only did the referee feel the wrath of the maestro’s tongue several times without doing anything about it, rather more shamefully so did Jam’s dad, acting in the purely voluntary capacity of linesman.  What made it worse was that the decision that had aroused Deano’s ire had been a perfectly correct one.  Once more, though, the referee failed to take action in protection of his “assistant”.

Thankfully, as the heavens opened and the wind picked up considerably, the second half saw Deano let his feet do the talking and he doubled Walkington’s lead just 10 mins in.  It must be added that the deteriorating weather conditions played a part – his right foot clipped finish seemingly heading for Kilnsea before veering round and over Pagey.

The wet surface then played a part as sub Bogdan’s finish zipped off it and under Page for 3-0.

Stumo’s misplaced pass then gifted the same player a second to complete the scoring.

Heads we lose

Not that we went down without a fight.  Shane rattled the bar with one stonker from 30 yards and nobody threw the towel in.  Unfortunately, with Brett replacing the knackered Pash early on and then both Stu and Luke succumbing to various ailments, we looked a pretty dispirited bunch by the end.

It was glorious sunshine as I helped carry out the usual post-match duties, although it tended to be overshadowed by the dark cloud formed in the form of that news from Welbeck.  Even a very nice pint of Great Newsome’s 'Autumn Bounty' in The Granby couldn’t quite erase the taste. 

Still, I had a Halloween Party to go to to take my mind off things - and some films to watch when I got home...   

Harworth Five-O

Saturday 26th October

Central Midlands League North Division

Harworth Colliery 2 Easington United 0

Big Craig doesn’t normally do away games, preferring to remain at Low Farm with his weighbridge and camera capturing the best of the County League action.

However, today there was none – both the Reserves and Casuals were also on the road.

So, what better way to prepare for your own “surprise” 50th birthday bash later that night than bag a seat with the manager in Le Sumo Limousine and head for Harworth?  Well, aside from clambering aboard the Pistol Pete Express, I would suggest there is none! 

Talking of being fifty, I’m glad to say I still have a few years left before I get there (although I’m already on with planning the celebrations, which currently involves a week touring the real ale hostelries of the Dales & Moors - I'll keep you all posted). 

However, I was made to feel all my forty-something years when discussing the relative merits of various iPhone options with a young salesman in Hull last Sunday.

In trying to show me the benefits of Deezer (which apparently is a music on demand service now provided free with iPhones for Orange) the aforementioned salesman asked me to name an artist.

“Be careful, don’t embarrass yourself”, said Mrs Slush.

As if.  “New Order”, I offered.

His face said it all.  “New.  Order.  Is that two words?”  I couldn’t believe my ears.

He typed it into Deezer.  “Hmm, ‘Blue Monday’, is that a track by the New Order you mean?”

Mrs Slush checked me before I exploded.  “A track by the New Order you mean?” Only the biggest selling 12-inch single of all time you fucking fuckwit fucker!”

“Yes” I replied. 

Mrs Slush was still laughing as we left the store.  We both were, even more so when I said, “Imagine if it had been you wanting the phone.  What would he have found for ‘Aqua’?”

 

New who?

To think we’re nearly into November yet this was the Pistol’s first trip of the season behind the wheel.  He was keen to make up for lost time – by the time we left Hull bound for north Nottinghamshire, we’d already had tales of his first initiation to the art of masturbation (obviously many moons ago), played slalom with a pillar-box along Hedon Road and almost ram-raided a drive-thru McDonalds in his desperation to find a toilet. 

Oh yes, The Pistol had hit the ground running...

We travelled in remarkably high spirits given the fact Thoresby’s 2-0 win over us the previous week had sent us back into the bottom two, today’s opponents Harworth sat fourth in the table and we had a growing absence list.

Huteson, Westoby and Wilson were all missing, while Frosty’s reported return to HPL side Crown had certainly ruffled feathers. 

Returning to the ranks were last week’s "absent friends" Jammer and Lew, along with Bezza who was over his previous week’s bug.  Tom Mac’s return to the first team fold ensured we would have 13 boys in maroon at Scrooby, one of whom - "Running Man" JC - was in line for his 150th First Team appearance, so there! 

They’d given the ground a lick of paint since our last visit.  If memory serves me this was done ahead of the recent visit of Evo-stik League side Frickley in the Sheffield & Hallamshire Senior Cup, a game the visitors edged by a solitary strike.

Harworth had also been beaten the previous weekend, 3-2 at Brodsworth, a result that had left manager Brendan Wilson questioning his players’ attitude in today’s match programme.  Hmm, might be interesting should we score early, thought I...

Rob Waite, aka ‘Davy Lamp’ from the excellent “66 POW” blog, was one of the first people I bumped into, team sheet completion being just one of countless tasks this very likeable character carries out on match day at Harworth. 
Always good for an anecdote or two, spending a game in Rob’s company can make the worst result almost bearable and was another reason why the controversy of our game here last season was even more, er, awkward for me.

 

Where's Brim when you need him?

Just prior to kick-off, as the referee's assistant was ensuring Brim Biglin's Harworth equivalent would have to sort his nets out, I received a text from Reserves manager Fozzy to tell me that a Stumo Campbell goal had them tying 1-1 in the Premier Division basement battle at Sculcoates.  There was no update from the Casuals’ game in Cottingham – never a good sign.

Harworth had instigated a “kids go free” offer for today’s game (partly to stop them clambering over the fence for free anyway, as Rob later acknowledged).  Looking around the ground in the minutes leading up to kick-off I couldn’t see any noticeable uptake – indeed it was later confirmed as five having done so, out of an overall attendance of 33.  Still, the club can’t be knocked for trying.

In addition to The Pistol and Burt-on-Bus, I was joined in the ‘away section’ by the aforementioned Big Craig and our manager’s daughter ‘Katie McLicious’.  With keeper Mad John having his own personal band of supporters (well, there were two of them) in attendance and Mrs Wilks & family there to encourage Paul, we were fairly well represented on a dull but thankfully dry autumn afternoon.

And Graham must score...

And we began brightly.  Although Mad John was called upon to produce one early save, we were giving as good as we got and forced a succession of corners.  From one of these, AG looked well-placed to justify the big build-up I’d given him...but headed over.

Gav then went through on goal, the defender grabbed his arm, Gav stayed on his feet and got the shot away.  The keeper saved.  Corner.  Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s worth going down.

Back came Harworth and Mad John was twice called upon in quick succession, one save in particular being excellent.  We appeared to have weathered the storm.  Then Harworth scored.

Frustratingly it came from a throw-in to us, awarded well inside the home half.  Unfortunately the throw found one orange shirt who swept it upfield to another – tricky youngster Tomlinson – whose cross was dispatched expertly by striker Tom Walker.

Sumo’s mood was dark and would have been darker had Mad John not come to the rescue again before the break.  We retired to the Hospitality area in Tom’s Tea Room relieved to be only one down.

 

All eyes on you John

Over tea and biscuits I received news of another Casuals defeat, 3-1 at Cottingham Rangers, while Burt & Craig discussed buses in Malta.  I jest ye not.  It was a relief to get back out for the second half!

After an entertaining first 45 minutes the second period proved somewhat disappointing.  Mad John produced two excellent stops in quick succession at the start of it, before the game became bogged down into a scrappy, niggling affair on a pitch that was proving difficult for both sides.

As with the first half we had our moments and sub Lew came close to levelling matters with a 20-yard free-kick that pinged against the home bar.

Having seen the games against Clay Cross and Phoenix, I was well aware of the most likely finish to this one.  And so it was; increasingly desperate attempts to make something happen resulting in the careless loss of possession, which allowed Sam West to set up sub Ollie Chappell for the killer second goal.

The final few minutes witnessed a Sumo outburst that had Big Craig giving Katie McLicious a look that said, “Could be an entertaining ride home!”

 

One Eastender with something to celebrate - JC's 150th

Thankfully the immediate post-match mood was positive enough and the lads were in good form by the time we’d retired to the bar.  Indeed their mood was noticeably more jovial than that of the Potter serving the food – his frown would give ‘Appy Barry a run for his money!

With beers procured from the nearby Asda, we were soon on the way home and already turning our thoughts to Saturday’s trip to Welbeck.  However, I had more pressing matters to attend to – like being one of those cramming into Easington village phone box, I mean, The Granby, to help the aforementioned Big Craig celebrate his impending Big Five-O. 

They didn't play any New Order on Saturday night but I will rectify that error now, just for Andy at phones4u.  I've purposely eschewed 'Blue Monday' in favour of this little gem...

 

Photos courtesy of 'The 66 POW' (Rob Waite) and Burt Graham.
Official match report can be read here.
Harworth match report (via 'The 66 POW' blog) can be read here.