Whatton earth?

Saturday 18th September - Whatton United (away) 
Lost 1-2

Orston - the perfect setting for Midsomer Murders

And yet the week was going so well!

Wednesday morning found me in an insufferably good mood.  Jimmy Bullard - for all the understandable debate surrounding his reported salary demands, extra-curricular activities and actual appetite for Championship football - had proved the night before that if fit he must be in Hull City's starting line-up.

What's more, bolstered by Bullard and with a team now full of players comfortable on the ball, The Tigers actually looked a half-decent side.  Things were looking up.

In addition, cricket's County Championship was coming to a thrilling finale.  While Somerset and Yorkshire went into day four (Thursday) still holding out hopes of victory, champions-elect Notts had been thwarted for almost three full days by first rain and then, amazingly, sun!

Were Yorkshire about to add to the success of local side Patrington (East Yorkshire Cricket Alliance Premier Division champions for the first time in their 150+ years history) and cap a fantastic cricketing summer?  Err, no.

A collapse of the sort not seen this year (well, by Yorkshire anyway) robbed them of their last hope of a first title since 2001 (even though Kent's fragile batting almost let them back in for what would have been a remarkable - and as it turned out title-clinching - win).

With Notts requiring 400 and three wickets in a shortened final day's play, the Cider Men were now favourites...but not for long.

As Durham continued to defy them, the county of Sticky Palms achieved what was required of them to finally move from bridesmaid to bride.  Perhaps next year Yorkshire?

Charlie sat with his mates

My disappointment at the Tykes' last day demise was compounded by Hull KR's emphatic exit from the Super League Play-offs at Wigan on the Friday.  Not that it was so unexpected; just that I'd had high hopes when, whilst sitting watching the Elder Slushette perform the second of four routines with her classmates as part of Verity Lee's 'Dance Mania' show at Withernsea High School, "Garage Rocker" Fuller had showed me an iPhone message which read "Wigan 6 : 12 Hull KR".  Unfortunately, by the time I managed to switch on the car radio as we exited the school, commentator Chris Park's downbeat tone accompanied the last 15 seconds of a game that the Robins lost 42-18.  Perhaps next year Rovers?

Nice day for a stroll

Owen counts to two?

And so to Saturday, the main day of the week but - for once - a football-free one in the Slush household.  Not only did the family's attendance at a 40th bash out towards Etton mean no trip to Whatton United with the first team; it also meant no viewing of either the Reserves or Casuals, both at home.  Meanwhile the lack of Sky Sports at the particular establishment we were headed for also meant no coverage of The Tigers' tea-time meeting with Nottingham Forest (their first in some 35 years you know). 

Pistol Pete stood with his mates

Therefore the record of the Eastenders' first ever trip to the Orston Recreation Ground will have be a photographic one, courtesy of our regular lensman Burt and an impressive selection courtesy of the Whatton website.

For me, despite the availability of two very nice pins courtesy of the nearby Wold Top Brewery (Wold Top Bitter and Wold Gold) my attention for the early part of the bash was not a hundred per cent on friends and family.

At first things went well and at four o'clock I'd received confirmation of a welcome "bounce back" win for the Reserves and a (perhaps) surprising opening day success for the Casuals.

I therefore sent Burt a text telling him, "No pressure but an East End hat-trick depends on you".  I was rewarded some fifteen minutes later by a one word reply..."Farny".  All was well and the  beer was tasting just that little bit sweeter.

"Farny!"

 

1-0

Andy Martin likes it...

The lads like it

I think they also liked Chav's cross!

The afternoon eventually changed on two further pieces of correspondence with my cameraman.  the first was via text, simply reading: "1-1".  

Where did that come from?

The second came courtesy of a phone call, "Two one to them".  In-between was one which almost brought a goal live on phone as it were; Owen blazing a great chance over as Burt proceeded to tell me we were entering injury time.  

Oh Owen!

"Bloody hell, Owen could have won it..." I began to tell an obviously disinterested Mrs Slush when the phone rang again...

Whatton earth?!

I was later to learn that Whatton's first goal came from nowhere (an almost unbelievable strike from 35 yards) and their second came immediately after the non-award of a "cast iron" penalty at the other end. 
To cap things off, the hosts' post-match watering hole - The Durham Ox - stocked a fine selection of cask ales.  Perhaps next year Slush?!
 


Thanks to Burt Graham and the Whatton United website for the photos.

Home comforts

Saturday 11th September - Nottingham United (home) Won 6-1
Tuesday 14th September - Hull City 2 Derby County 0

Chav doesn't miss penalties...at home!

Frantic?  I'll give you frantic.  How does one fit in all one's sporting interests when one has a wife and two daughters to avoid upsetting? 
With great bloody difficulty I'll tell you.
As you will gather from the previous post, I wasn't particularly popular in the Slush Household on the Sunday following the Welbeck game.  Even though I'd done the decent thing in getting up early (6am) and ensured that both Slushettes were fed and watered before their mother deemed us worthy of her presence I was, well, in the doghouse.
How could I tell?  Ah it's those familiar signs.  Mrs Slush was like the telly when it's on the blink - I had vision but very little sound.  And what sound I did have was restricted to one-word answers given out with very little feeling.  Best keep my head down today, I thought, I've a busy week ahead...
The planned sport-fest had actually started the previous Friday when I'd politely enquired if Mrs Slush would like the computer to herself for a change once the kids were in bed...that way she wouldn't disturb my viewing of the England v Bulgaria Euro 2012 qualifier.  Mission accomplished.  While I enjoyed an England display for the first time since before the World Cup (and on free-to-air telly) Mrs Slush enjoyed an evening of "social networking".  Result.

Defoe's three - free - on ITV!

Sadly, my good start was well and truly blown by my late - and it must be said somewhat dishevelled - return from Welbeck.  My star was most certainly not in the ascendancy and the chances of getting "a pass out" to either (a) the pub to watch the Tuesday night Swiss game and/or (b) the KC Stadium for Saturday's rugby league "Do-or-Die Derby" against the Dullers looked pretty remote to say the least.
There was some serious creeping to be done.  As it was, getting out for the England game proved far too easy (indeed somewhat easier than actually seeing the game itself - see previous rant).  There had to be a catch?  There was and, with stunning timing, Mrs Slush delivered it...
"Err, tickets are on general sale tomorrow for the Derby.  Rovers aren't selling theirs until Thursday but I thought I'd get mine from the KC...it doesn't matter, West Stand will be full of Rovers anyway...I thought I could take Emma...I'd need the car but you..."
"When is it?"
"Sorry?"
"When is it? The rugby?"
"Saturday. Six o'clock. It'll mean leaving football early but..."
"I'm out"
"Sorry? Thought for a minute you said you were out?"
"I am"
"But you don't go out?"
"Exactly"
And that was that.  Turns out Mrs Slush had been storing up this particular invitation - for a curry night in honour of a friend's 40th birthday - for some time now just waiting for the perfect moment to hit me with it.  And as she did so it was with a "thwack" akin to the sort dished out by Union Jack Jackson to some square-jawed Hun in the Warlord comics I used to read as a nipper.
Alas, I therefore may be missing out on the "biggest Hull Derby in thirty years" but at least  Mrs Slush couldn't spoil my enjoyment of Yorkshire's excellent win at Nottinghamshire in cricket's LV County Championship.  Thankfully, neither could my gaffer who - I think - was quite impressed by the excitement emanating from my desk as leaders Notts crashed to 59 all out on the first day.

What about that Cally?

The availability of streamed commentary via BBC Radio Leeds this season has been a real godsend - as has Yorkshire's pursuit of their 32nd County Championship title.  The near-legendary Dave Callaghan, accompanied in the commentary box at Trent Bridge by Radio Nottingham's wonderfully named Dave Bracegirdle, helped the working week pass just that little bit quicker and Cally was duly ecstatic when Joni Bairstow (son of the late great "Bluey") eventually struck the winning runs on Thursday afternoon. So was I.

Farny's front attracts some Nottingham interest?!

Therefore I was back in good books and in good fettle by the time the weekend arrived.  And what a full one it promised to be.  The First Team at home to Nottingham United, with the Reserves set to commence ER County League action;  the Tigers  back following the international break and with an "international" fixture of their own - away at high-flying Cardiff;  Yorkshire at Scarborough in pursuit of success on a second front via the semi-finals of the CB 40 competition; and to cap it all off - that "Do-or-Die Derby"...which I would be listening to on local radio whilst getting the Slushettes ready for bed. Ah well, can't have everything!

"Did he honestly ask Slush whether we've got BBC out here?!"

Nottingham United arrived at Low Farm on a bright but blustery Saturday afternoon looking the part in collar and tie.  And an affable bunch of lads they appeared to be.  Perhaps manager Mark Hartill is wishing they wouldn't be as accommodating - their generosity had already seen them concede 22 goals in just four matches prior to their second visit of the season to the East Riding.
Like FC 05 Bilsthorpe, Nottingham joined the CMFL from the Midland Amateur Alliance.  In fact they actually started life in 2008 as a Sunday League side in the Notts Sunday Football League (NSFL) where they've tasted a fair amount of success.  
The Saturday section grew out of a merger with another local side, Monty Hind Old Boys and the club now operates four Sunday teams and two on Saturdays.  Somewhat bizarrely, they also boast contacts high up in the Bulgarian government following a recent pre-season tour that ensured they began life in their new surrounds a couple of weeks after everyone else.  You can find out more via their website.

Now over the years I've been accustomed to people asking a string of questions that directly relate to Easington's place in the "Back of Beyond".  Usually these queries involve  pointing out the location of the nearest petrol station, cash machine and even fish 'n' chip shop or bemoaning the lack of phone signal (only Orange currently guarantees you half-decent connectivity down the Awd East End!).  
However, prior to the visit of Nottingham United, I can honestly say I'd never been asked the following: "Have you got the BBC?"
Err, yeah, I think so...might only be the World Service though" was my only partially tongue-in-cheek reply!
Turns out the reason visiting Club Sec. Martin Mintov wanted to know was due to the Burnley-Preston game being shown live that tea-time.  It was a game that held particular interest for two members of the visiting team...from Nottingham.  I didn't ask!

Nottingham's charitable nature continues early at Low Farm

As for the game, Mack was looking for back-to-back wins for the first time this season and had duly got his wish by half-time, given the 4-0 interval scoreline.

We were helped by the continuing poor defensive record of the visitors.  Sloppy marking allowed young Fitzy a brace of headers, while goalkeeper Omar Murtaz should have done better with Gav's shot that made it 3-0.

JC's "in-off"!

 "I thowt 'e woz off ti catch it!"

Pick of the bunch was JC's strike on 19mins, a rifled effort in off the post following a fine, flowing move.

Despite their lowly league position, Nottingham possessed a couple of tricky players going forward and perhaps should have had something to show for it at the break.

Thomas misses...

But Fitzy doesn't. 3-0

And Gav gets a helping hand from keeper Omar

During the break I sat in on Dave's team-talk.  I should add that this was done on request - new asst-boss Ian Taylor being in Ibiza and Mack's hoped-for early exit in order to get to the KC Stadium prompting my return to a role I hadn't occupied for some time.
Mack's words probably surprised some of the lads.  Perhaps expecting glowing praise for their first half efforts, they were instead told it wasn't good enough and much improvement was needed!

How not to take a penalty

Instead it was the visitors who struck next, Neal Stevenson scoring from the rebound after Chaz had got down to block his penalty kick, awarded for a shove by Blounty.

The fall-out from the goal saw the aforementioned Easington pair engage in some rather unedifying "conversation" - which appeared particularly un-called for given the fact we were 4-1 up!

Thankfully, within minutes it was five; Fitzy being upended by full-back Thomas and Chav stepping forward to blast home the spot-kick.  He did it twice in fact, following referee Roger Evans' ordering of a retake for encroachment.

And how to take one

And that was just about that, save for a maiden goal for Andy Martin and a horrendous miss by Stu Campbell.

And Stumo must score...



...Oh 'eck!



A 6-1 win, 3pts to the good and everyone's happy - even the Notts lads who were heard to opine that we "weren't very good" before proceeding to enjoy every minute of the  all-Lancastrian thriller in the Championship, eventually pouring out of the Granby and onto their minibus at half-past seven!

Unfortunately neither Hull City nor Yorkshire could add to the day's success; nor could our Reserves who returned from Leconfield on the back of a 4-0 opening day loss to Beverley Town Reserves.  It was left to Hull Kingston Rovers to ensure the day finished on a high. 

Rovers celebrate at the only full part of the KC

On leaving the KC with the Elder Slushette in July, following the second of our two derby defeats in the regular season, I had quipped that, "We'll probably come back here in the Play-offs and win".  Hull fans had laughed then.  They weren't laughing when Scott Murrell's late drop goal capped a 21-4 Rovers win in front of a rapidly emptying KC Stadium.  Indeed, given all the hype, a recorded crowd of 17,000 was a real disappointment; especially given that over five thousand had travelled across the city. 

"Old Faithful"? Hmm.

Tuesday night found me at the KC Stadium in person for my second taste of Championship action.  And for the first time since the days of Boothferry Park I was attending the game alone.  Or to be more precise, I was travelling with some (season passholding) mates but my seat in the ground - Upper West, Row S, No.165 - was a single purchase.  I consoled myself with the thought that my Billy No Mates status had as much to do with City's stuttering start to the season rather than something more personal!
The visitors were Derby (or "Dorrbeh") County, now managed by Nigel Clough and a team who'd impressed me greatly during their televised opening day win over L**ds.  (Even more impressive was the story that Clough jnr had disembarked his players several hundred yards from Elland Road and walked to the ground - fans of "The Damned United" will know why I found that particularly amusing).
Since that win, the Rams' fortunes had run parallel to The Tigers, with just a solitary point being accrued from their next four games.
The talk in the days, hours and indeed minutes leading up to kick-off was the possible return of one James Richard Bullard to the City squad.  And en route to the KC it was confirmed via BBC Radio Humberside that the club's record signing was in and would indeed start.

 Jimmy who?

What's more, Bullard lined up in a very attack-minded starting eleven, with the midfield  quartet - Bostock, Bullard, Cairney and Koren - noticeably short of any sort of "enforcer".  It wouldn't matter.
It's a long time since I've actually enjoyed the football on show at 'The Circle' as much as I did this particular night. And from both sides that is, despite the presence of Robbie Savage in the Derby ranks!
In the event, goals from loanee defender Daniel Ayala and Slovenian skipper Koren sealed a deserved 2-0 win in front of a crowd a couple of thousand bigger than that which had attended the "biggest Hull derby in 30 years" just three nights earlier.  Hull's a Rugby City?
The stadium announcer revealed Ayala as the supporters' 'man of the match'.  Must have been watching a different game to me, for as good as the Liverpool man was there was only one player to look to if seeking a reason for such a positive performance...and he's on 45K a week.  Should he carry on inspiring the Tigers like that for the remainder of the season and it might just be said he's worth it.  Possibly.
I returned home feeling quite chippy about things.  City back to winning ways, Yorkshire still well-placed on day two of their final Championship match against Kent, Rovers looking forward to a trip to Wigan in the Play-offs and the Eastenders heading to Whatton in search of a "win hat-trick".  Ah...

Thanks to Burt for most of the photos used above

Out with the Pistol in with the Piston

Saturday 4th September - Welbeck Welfare (away) 
Won 4-3

The Piston's at the wheel!

"Llandudno, what the bloody hell are you doing in Llandudno?"

"Line Dancing"
"Eh? Bloody line dancing?"
"Yeah, line dancing"
"Well, what about Welbeck Welfare?"
"Don't worry, I've sorted it." 
Eh, and true to his word, he had.  So, while "Pistol Pete & The Riding School Express" were otherwise engaged dancing to shit-kicking music amid the Victorian & Edwardian splendour of Wales's largest resort, newly recruited driver "Piston Pete" took the wheel of a replacement White Van for the trip to north Notts.

 Home from Home

There was a time not many weeks ago when this fixture was in grave danger of disappearing from the schedule.  Following a turbulent end to 2009/10, during which Welbeck Welfare had conceded their last three games due to a shortage of players, a similarly chaotic summer had seen the club tender its resignation shortly after the Central Midlands League AGM.
However, a last-minute rescue plan, which saw former Grantham Rangers boss Geoff Green appointed manager, the recruitment of a brand new squad and a groundshare arrangment with neighbours Church Warsop helped ensure that Welbeck took their place in the Premier Division for 2010/11...albeit a couple of weeks late.

"You lookin' at me?"

And so, with 'The Piston' at the wheel of the newly acquired Renault 14-seater, courtesy of the very accommodating Charlie "Would you like to see some puppies girls?" Johnson (don't ask!) of Welwick, we headed off in search of a second successive away win.
Now it doesn't take a genius to work out that a driver, navigator (erm, that's me then), manager & asst-manager plus full squad does not go into a 14-seater.  Thankfully it didn't have to.  With JC now ensconced back at Sheffield Uni and The Stumo, Chav and Man Mountain electing to travel by car due to a requirement to be back in Holderness early doors, there were enough seats to go round.
With the memories of Monday's setback still fresh in the memory (and made even more frustrating by talk that Cranny would be losing the points due to an indiscretion on the team sheet) Mack and new right-hand man Mr. T were determined to rectify things quickly.

"Don't recognise you, don't recognise you, don't recognise you..." 

Their task hadn't been made easier by a glut of absentees.  AG & Frosty were rendered absent by suspensions carried over from the previous season, Sam Mac was still injured, while Hutchie, Jim, Luke J and The Tank were all on holiday.  With Chaz nursing a  knuckle injury also, you could say that we hadn't been dealt the strongest hand.
Still, spirits were high as we arrived in good time at 'The Alley', scene of perhaps our finest away performance the previous season (despite, it should be pointed out, the AA Route Planner sending us hopelessly off course thanks to a miscalculation on the roundabouts?!).
While the players checked out the pitch and I laid the kit out, the first of the home contingent arrived; most prominent among whom was goalkeeper Chris Bennett.  I smiled on hearing him ask a team-mate, "How are these lot doing?" to be answered, "Geoff says they're favourites for the title".  Yeah, right!

Explain that one then Paul...

On venturing out I came across the extremely affable Graham Hall, whose official titles appear to include Chairman, Secretary & Programme Editor.  In short, 'Mr Welbeck'.  He described the various recent turns of events, which appear to have seen a veritable merry-go-round of players and management within the tight football community of north Notts; far too confusing to recount here. 
With the Tea Hut fired up, followed closely by our lads, it was kick-off time and I'd already enjoyed my day (particularly the moment when 'The Piston' returned from a fruitless trip to what he thought was a burger bar but instead turned out to be a place selling garden furniture - I offered him one of my Family Bag of Quavers by way of consolation!).
My only disappointment thus far was the lack of programme ("the printer's broken - I'll get one sent up to you later if you like?").  Very kind of you (PS: I'm still waiting).

 Love on the terraces

I was sincerely hoping that this setback wasn't to be mirrored on the pitch.  Welbeck had taken a point off us last season at their traditional Elkelsley Road ground (currently the site of much-needed redevelopment) another result that factored prominently in our eventual failure to clinch promotion.
We started as if we would ensure there was to be no repeat this time.  And after Fitzy had already had a "goal" controversially chalked off inside the first five minutes, Gav put us one up moments later with a cleverly executed free-kick.
Soon afterwards it should have been two; Gav sent tumbling to the deck inside the box and a penalty duly given.  But Chav proved that it's only at home where he doesn't miss penalties, the very vocal Mr. Bennett getting down well to save (although Smalls should really have done better when the ball rebounded up to give him a free header which he couldn't keep down).

 "I like the cut of your jib Mr Porter"

Still, we were so dominant early on that it appeared only a matter of time before a second goal came.  And it did. To Welbeck on 23 minutes courtesy of their first attack.
We were caught out down our left and the ball was gleefully swept home by Asa Bartlett at the far post.
Two minutes later and it should have been 2-1 to the hosts.  Thankfully Smalls more than atoned for his earlier miss with a cracking last-ditch tackle.
Chav should then have restored our lead at the other end but half-time arrived with us all square.

A wealth of experience!

During the interval I phoned the Farm to find out how the Casuals were getting on in their latest (and final) pre-season friendly.  Previous results of 3-8 and 0-12 didn't inspire much hope so I was therefore heartened to hear from Vice Chairman Mickey Bo that not only were we "only" 4-2 down but that by rights we should be level.  Perhaps this season might carry more hope than usual from Maccer's Men.
Also during the break I managed to catch a snap of the  Pete Barnett Branch of the "Green Arrrrmmy", newly kitted-out in their fetching little Newton Heath scarves ("three for fifteen quid off the net, bargain").  Indeed, given the presence in the ground also of the Mountain Family, plus Dooley, 'The Piston' and me, it's fair to say we almost had the bulk of the support at the game.  We certainly had the loudest!
And our vocal chords were to be extended in a blistering twenty-minute spell at the start of the second half.  

Two-one

Three minutes in Gav rattled the Welbeck bar.  
Four minutes later Farny met Chav's corner at the near post, 2-1.
Four minutes later Man Mountain couldn't find the finish to match his mazy run.
A minute later JC's shot was well saved by Bennett with  Blounty heading the resulting corner too high.
Two minutes later, just past the hour, it's 3-1.  A free-kick on halfway, quick thinking by The Stumo who angles a lovely low ball into the left side of the box where Gav provides the deftest of flicks to divert it into the path of Fitzy six or seven yards out.  He doesn't miss.

 Three

Within two more minutes the game is surely won.  Excellent approach play again culminates in Chav's pinpoint cross and Fitzy's powerful header from ten yards, which arcs over the powerless (and by now not-so-vocal) Bennett and into the roof of the net.  A corker. 4-1.

 And that'll be four

Andy Martin made his entrance in-between goals three and four and on this evidence would look to be a very astute signing.  And with him holding the ball up well before bringing others into play, we should really have gone on to score more.
As it was, an urge on the part of some to race "forrad" in an attempt to join the list of scorers saw us caught on the counter and Steve Rudge made it 2-4.
Cue panic.  Josh Murphy blasts over when he should really have scored.  How long left?  Not long...but possibly long enough as Charlie inexplicably picks up Fitzy's backpass in injury time.  The ball is driven across and Rudge slams home for 3-4. 
Thankfully, Farny puts his brawn and brains to use in equal measure near the opposition corner flag to run down the final anxious moments and the points are safe.  Just.

 Job done...just

Perhaps not surprisingly there's an air of disappointment in the changing room afterwards, which continues in the nearby Sports & Social Club (formerly the Miners Welfare).
Thankfully some excellent post-match fare (if not a decent cask ale!) helped revive spirits...although news of yet another defeat on the road for The Tigers did little for my overall demeanour.
The Piston had taken to the day like a duck to water and  was more than pleased to take on board the usual supply of ale for the return journey.  Our trip back north  was accompanied by Radio Humberside's commentary on defeats for both the Dullers and Rovers, the former meaning that both sides would now meet in a Play-Off Eliminator next weekend.

 "Whoever smelt it dealt it!"

With the bus safely returned to its Welwick home and the kit & equipment back at The Granby it would have been rude (but perhaps better for the state of my marriage) not to have taken the chance to sample a pint of Great Newsome Frothingham Best before returning home.  It was so nice I had to have two.
As I made my way home some ten hours since departing the house that morning, I thought to myself, I'm going to pay for this tomorrow.  And I did.  But that's not for public consumption and anyway, I can console myself that it's all in the very best of causes...isn't it?
Nottingham at home next - a real chance to put back-to-back wins together for the first time this season...